My observations of this world.

Politics and Religion Do Not Mix

2012-02-03T13:02:00.000-08:00

Today I "liked" a page on Facebook. I have my account set to not show on my wall when I make these actions. Somehow, this one showed up, I assume, in the little ticket thing on the right side of the page, who knows. I had two friend who commented on the link "Signed the Weapons Systems Acquisition Reform Act to stop fraud and wasteful spending in the defense..." I suddenly felt drawn to reply the best I could as I am not a very political person but am working towards being more aware.

When I initially posted this blog I had my response and a bit of a rant. Funny how that all vanished when I posted the blog. Now I can't find my response but I know the basics of what I said back to my friends. One of them is very right wing religious guy and the other is a very liberal woman. I went to high school with both of them. Interesting to have these conversations now that we are older.

The reason I even found the link or have the above picture is because I asked my brother to help me sort out the presidential election this year. I have been able to vote since Ronald Regan ran for President and have never thought past Republican until last election. I knew there needed to be a major change. I wanted a major change. And for me, I feel like that's what I've gotten. I have benefited in more than one way from Obama being President of the United States for three years. Let me tell you how:

When I divorced my husband in 2003, I was making $8.25 an hour at a very part time job. I had not pursued a career or finished college because I was popping babies out with no way to take care of them except for me to become a stay-at-home mom. As they got older I was able to work as a teacher at their preschool and later the home school school after I put them in public school. My dilemma was now finding a full-time job that would support me and the kids. While I was securing said job, I had to go on food stamps. I wasn't proud of it and I truly hated going down to the Texas Health and Human Services offices every month or two to show that I was still poor enough to need their help. At the same time, I was so grateful to have this program. It made life a little easier knowing they wouldn't go hungry.

Later on, after I worked my way up the corporate ladder and was able to get off food stamps, I didn't really think much about any government programs. That was until my oldest son graduated from high school and didn't go to college. This also meant that he wouldn't have health insurance. Now, honestly, for most of his early childhood we didn't have health insurance consistently. There was the CHIPS program with the state but his father was self-employed. There is no health insurance when you have to pay for it yourself. So, when Obama passed the health care bill, I was on board. This meant that he would again have health insurance. I had to be the health care provider for the children still remaining on child support and with my company you can have yourself and children with no limit. Four kids cost the same as two. He, said oldest child/son, had to have hernia surgery on January 3, 2012. If we had not had this Obama health care option, he wouldn't have been able to have the surgery. Therefore, at whatever cost, I do not want to loose the health care bill. It affects me in a positive way.

Then there are the Pell Grants that my daughter was able to secure. She is making it through her first year of college with only having to take out a $2000 student loan. That was necessarily only because they, the school and the government, wanted to see that she is serious about college, making good grades and not dropping classes or dropping out. If we as a country elect a Republican president, I am very concerned that my children will not have the opportunity to have their college paid for. I wasn't able to go to college without racking up a huge student loan bill that I am still paying for 25 years later. I don't want that for my children. I believe that they should have what they have worked so hard for through high school. Good grades and ambition should be rewarded. I work very hard but don't make all that much. If that gets them student loans then great. I am all for it.

My theory is that, if it doesn't affect you then it doesn't matter to you. But some of you who read my blog know me very well. Does it matter at all that there are major things that could change and drastically affect MY family? I bet there are other people you know who would also suffer. This is an all for me and me for me world we live in. All I'm saying is think about THE FACTS! Not some crap someone spouts because they think they know what they are talking about. I want facts. Period. I want my three older children, who coincidentally enough are all able to vote for the first time this November, to understand how their vote can affect them. I want them to know the facts and to really consider who they are voting for. Don't just vote like your parents because they will be upset with you if you vote for "the other party.

This is hopefully my only political rant. We will see what happens closer to or after the election in November.

Still Single After Eight Years

2012-01-25T10:54:00.000-08:00

Me at a cooking class, still the flirt.

I've been doing quite a bit of thinking the last month or so. December of 2011 made 8 years since my divorce was finalized and I was officially a single woman again. Only this time, I had four children that I was responsible for raising into decent adults. That didn't seem like such a huge job to me because I was born to be a mom and I was very confident in that part of the life ahead of me. It was the "am I going to be alone forever" part that I think scared me just a little.

Looking back at that time in my life and where I am now, I am absolutely amazed at how I was able to come through some truly rough patches and be standing up straight and sane. Ok, the sane part some may disagree with, but I do walk with my head held high. Very proud of all of my children, my job and where my life is headed. I've been asked many times how I do it. For me, that's an easy question to answer. I just do. I don't have a choice not to so what's the point in even thinking about failure.

For fear of getting "preachy" I will say that my faith in God has been the rock in getting through being a single mom, making $8.25 an hour for a few years, trying to get a better job and making sure my kids had all the necessities. I have never spoiled my kids and have never felt the need to keep up with the other parent in this situation. I have what I have and I have no more. I have always done the best for them and they have never missed a meal or gone without. Not everyone has something or someone they believe in. This could very likely cause them to have a harder time dealing with the hand they've been dealt in this life. But, it is what it is and if you can control it you should do it as best you can. If you can't control it, you should let it go.

The greatest gift in being a mother is when someone you don't know but who knows your child comes up to you and tells you what a great person they are. I take great pride in this because all of my children have primarily been raised by me. That's not to say their father is a bad person because he is not. He and I just have very different values and ideas about pretty important topics. Hence the reason we aren't married anymore. They have been my focus their whole life and more so since my divorce. They are literally the four most important people in my life. I would die for each one of them.

Which is probably a big reason I am still single after eight years....I have had several relationships, albeit rather short ones, and so many dates I lost count years ago. I will admit that I have had to overcome (and am still overcoming) some pretty big man issues. Being raised by a controlling father and married to a controlling man will do that to you. I always picked the bad guy to date. Good guys had no chance with me, sad to say. And I'm sure there were a few that got away that would have been really good to me. This has carried over to my new singleness, but I'm working on that! The experiences I've had have been priceless and I have absolutely no regrets at all.

2012 is my "New Year New Me" time. No more online dating. No chasing guys. No. If I'm going to meet someone this year it will have to be the "normal" way, which isn't so normal anymore. I have two and almost three adult children and one new teenager. There is more to focus on now than when they were young. Or maybe it's that I have all the dating crap out of my system and can just be happy being me. Either way, I will be much better for whoever, if and when that ever happens.

New Year New Me

2011-12-31T20:21:00.001-08:00

So, here I sit, on the couch in my house, watching JAWS with my almost 13 year old son and listening to my new dog snore. Would I want tonight, my last two hours of 2011, be any different? Not really. It would be nice to have someone to kiss at midnight I suppose but I will kiss my son's cheek and my pugs head and go to bed perfectly happy tonight.

I'm at a new place in my life. For 2012, I want to be more positive and encouraging, read more and watch less tv, exercise more and drink less wine (after tonight of course) and just have a better outlook on life over all. I thought 2011 would bring my life partner and it almost did. I'm not even thinking about that this year. I want a better me and I'm going to achieve that.

Best of luck to everyone for 2012 and beyond. May you be blessed and loved in the best way possible.

(The picture is of the beautiful Christmas gift from my brother Andy and his husband Fred. It's all from India. I'm a very lucky girl!)

His name is Z.

2011-12-29T07:58:00.000-08:00

Two years ago, when the kids and I moved from my mother's duplex to an apartment, we had to give away our two dogs, Baby and Tiny. We have all missed them very much. What we didn't miss was their messes. We could never seem to get them house trained.

Two days ago, a friend of mind posted a picture of a pug on Facebook saying he needed a good home. My oldest son, Michael, has mentioned wanting a pug for a long time. I showed him the picture. We were in. I just had to get the information on him, was he free, how old, etc. The answers to my questions were all perfect. We were going to have a dog again. This time, he would be house trained, not a puppy and, well, absolutely the sweetest dog in the world.

Yesterday, I was off work so we went to pick him up. His name was Smoke (no clue why) but Michael wanted to change his name to Z. Why Z? He wanted just a letter and Z was the one that sounded the best. He didn't answer to Smoke so I didn't feel bad changing his name. He's really just a dog and will eventually get used to the name anyway.

I can honestly say that I feel like I am ready to have the responsibility of a dog. We don't live in a house anymore so it's not like I can just open the door and have him go pee in the backyard. I actually had to get the leash out and walk him at 6:00 this morning. He's so happy and cute that I didn't mind. Now, it's the first morning. I am still in the "honeymoon" phase. This will not be as exciting when I have been out the night before or up late and don't want to get out of bed. I realize that, but for now, I am happy to go outside.

It's actually nice to think that I have a really good reason to get off the couch. The kids have a reason to go outside. We have something to take care of other than ourselves. I just hope that, when Michael moves out again, he doesn't want to take Z with him. My plan is to have him for when I have the empty nest syndrome going on. Who knows, I just might become the crazy dog lady. It's a ton easier than trying to have a boyfriend! :)

It's that time of year again...

2011-12-26T09:48:00.000-08:00

The most beautifully simple Christmas tree.

Yesterday was Christmas, 2011. It was a very simple and quiet day for us here in the Nobles' household. I was up at 6:00 to put the turkey in. *Note to self...next year, don't worry about getting up that early.* It was about 10:30 before a single child was stirring. The turkey was done, I had tried to go back to sleep to no availe and so there I was suddenly rushing because the next child up, Ben, reports that he needs to be at his new girlfriend April's house by 11:15 to do presents.

Now, this is very typical of Ben so I just put on my mom face and said, "You aren't eating here with us?" If he had just given me notice the day before I would have been more prepared. After deliberating and talking to April, he said he didn't have to be there until 1:15 now. Good, because we still had presents to open and I had side dishes to make and of course, I still wanted to make myself presentable.

All week this past week I was stressed about what I needed to get the kids and money and where we had to be. I just kept thinking, "This isn't what Christmas is about. I have to make a change in how this is handled next year." The only thing that made it easier was that I didn't have to deal with the kids going to the ex's house. They decided "not to do Christmas this year". Thank goodness! That's one hurdle I don't have to jump this year.

These events have made me realize that next year, there may be more girlfriend's, boyfriend's and friend's families to have to be with on this one day of the year. My beautiful children are getting older. They are starting to have lives of their own. There could very likely come a day when Christmas morning isn't spent at my house. This is just another adjustment in the life of being a parent. I will brace myself and be thankful and happy that these wonderful people that I have raised will have done what life intended them to do.....have a life of their own!

The most important thing for me will to always be able to have all of us in one room at the same time, no matter what the day. Just to be in the room celebrating family and the love of the Christmas season. If this happens for us in another month of the year, then that's the way it is. I just don't ever want to lose the feeling of family. Ever

So from our family to yours, Merry Christmas and may 2012 bring you the happiness, love and peace that you desire and may your hearts be constantly filled with Joy!

Michael, Alyssa, Jonathan and Benjamin say "Merry Chritmas everyone!"

Do you really want to be one of THOSE people?

2011-12-18T09:40:00.000-08:00

I have been reading a lot of online articles about women and men, relationships and family. I have come across blogs written by men who have never been married and women who have been married a long time and seem happy but admit to struggle.Recently, while talking to a guy I know about men and how frustrating it can be to date, he said, "You know you sound bitter, right?" I was a little surprised that he said that, but upon being quiet and thinking about what he had just said, I knew he was right. My frustration is coming across as bitterness. I need to work on that. That is completey the opposite response I wanted. I know where it comes from. It was those first 36 years of my life where I was chastized for voicing my opinion, therefore, now I don't know how to do it without sounding.....ugh, bitter.

You know when people say, "You can't change anyone" how truly spot on that is? It hurts too much for people to make the effort to change so most people won't. They don't see themselves as other people see them and so they will continue to be who they are until they find SOMEONE who will see them the way they see themselves. Well, I don't want to be that person. I want to see myself in the light of who I really am. BUT I want the person who I really am to be good and loving and non-judgmental and accepting of everyone and everything.

Which brings me to my next point....I grew up in church and had religious beliefs shoved down my throat every single day for most of my childhood and adult life. In fact, it still happens and I find myself welling up inside wanting to scream, "Can you talk without quoting a bible verse and mentioning the name of God just ONCE??" So, why is it so offensive to me when that's how those people talk? Maybe it all that guilt that was shoved on me as a child. For me, I want the person I appear to be to memick that of Christ, not just what comes out of my mouth.

This article, http://experimentaltheology.blogspot.com/2009/08/bait-and-switch-of-contemporary.html, really spelled out for me the type of Christian I want people to see me as. I work in a corporate office surrounded by the funnest, most joyful group of people and my guess is about half of them are Christians. I know for a fact one is Agnostic. They all know I'm a Christian, mostly because it came up in conversation and they are my friends on Facebook, but do I appear "Jesus like" at work? Um, not always. Although I want to think I do atleast half the time.

What you will never find me doing is shoving my beliefs down their throat or making those that aren't Christians feel uncomfortable. Why? Because that would run them off. Is that what we are supposed to do? NO. God does not want us to run people off from Him by vomiting His name of them over and over and making them uncomfortable. He wants us to be real and love them to the point where they want to know how we can be so calm in the face of adversities.

After previewing my writing (love it when I do that) I have gone from dating to religion in one big swoop. Imagine that. That's how my brain works so enjoy. My point is that, as a people, be who you are through your actions and make sure your actions are who you want to be. No matter what the circumstance, check yourself before you show a side of you people who rather not see.

Getting into the Season

2011-12-08T14:20:00.001-08:00

Random house in a neighborhood by my office.

It seems like every year Christmas is different for me....are the kids there or not, am I really even feeling it? Last year I was dating someone that I actually broke up with four days later....more than four days too late, but that's another story. This year....I'm not really sure I'm feeling it yet, but it's getting there.

After my therapy sessions, I've decided I really want to be a better person. I appear to be someone on the outside that I am not always feeling on the inside. I let things get to me WAY too quickly and I take things more personally than people would imagine. I know when it's happening and I know I can just find someone to vent to and let it out, but I want to stop it before it gets to that point.

The "Reason for the Season" is about others, not about us. I have focused way too much on me in recent years and I really want to focus on other people this year. I have a lot of great friends and certain family members in my life that I don't think know just how much I appreciate them. I haven't been to church lately, but the church posts the pastor's sermon on Facebook so I can watch it from there. A recent sermon was about how Christmas is NOT your birthday. Well, that kinda hit home to me. I don't ever expect anything much from anyone for Christmas anymore. It's more about what I can do for my kids....for the most part. It's always nice to get a little somethin' somethin' but I don't expect it so I won't get disappointed when it doesn't happen.

I really just want to be able to control that switch between my brain and my mouth. I want to WANT to have a relationship with my mom who is suffering from dementia. I want to let go of the events of two years ago and just be with her as much as possible before she is gone. This means going through her oldest son and THAT is my greatest challenge. I will have to open that door and talk to him again and have him tell me how things are supposed to go. I know he loves having control, so do I just let him have it in order to see my mom? I suppose so. Will I do it? That is yet to be seen. I guess, since he will have nothing once she's gone and really, this is all he has right now, I could give it to him. Let him have this one thing.

Being like Jesus. That's what I want to be. Be like Jesus. I want people to see Jesus in me, not the hate and bitterness that tends to come out when I least want it to. It's not gonna be easy but I've been through harder things. I can do this.

This is why they make THOSE drugs.

2011-12-05T14:28:00.000-08:00

I may be sharing some information in this post that others would never share with an unknown audience, but this is my outlet, so I'm telling it.

The company I work for pays for six therapy sessions a year. That's all paid for, six times to go sit and talk to someone who is a professional brain picker. I decided to take them on the offer. It was interesting, one, because my counselor seemeed like he had the beginning stages of dimentia. I was always retelling my story when I went in. I could have changed counselors, but I really liked him. He was older and very open and honest, not like any other therapist I'd seen before.

At first, I wasn't really sure what to talk about except that I had man-trust issues. I had just been dooped once again in a bad relationship and had decided I should just be eternally single. Really all I needed was someone to talk to, listen and then figure things out for myself. He didn't really offer any suggestions, basically saying that everything I was going through was just life stuff. He gave me an anxiety scale test. I was just over the boarder for severe anxiety. Surprise? No. But he did confirm that I am NOT bipolar as my ex likes to tell my kids that I am. I just have some really shitty people in my life that stress me out and I have to learn how to deal with them, even those that I have basically X'd out of my life.

Now comes the daily trial of working with some of these people that sort of stress me out. We are all different. I get that. I just have this zero tolerance thing going on lately. Is it because I'm getting older? Is it that I have put up with my share and shit and idiots in my life and I'm tired already? I have come to realize that THIS is why they make medications to help with stress. I'm not anything daily, just on an as needed basis. It makes me an easier person to be around, I think. It makes it easier for me to be around me anyway. I also want to put a sign out saying, "Hey coworker! Did you know that our company pays for six therapy sessions? You should try it out and get some help for this issue I have with you!" Too much? Ok, well, I can't really do that, but oh how I would like to give them some therapy.

What are YOU thankful for?

2011-11-25T08:04:00.000-08:00

This is my family for whom I am very thankful!

Thanksgiving 2011

This year, Thanksgiving was a really nice experience for our family. It was just me and the kids and a friend of my daughters. Last year, I proposed to the ex that, since the kids were getting older and the whole "my Thanksgiving, your Christmas" thing was kinda going out the window, we should come to an agreement on how to split the holidays so that they aren't torn between the homes anymore. I have the kids on Thanksgiving for lunch and then they go to their grandparent's house with their dad for dinner. At Christmas, they spend Christmas Eve with their dad and Christmas Day with me. We will see if that works out this year, but so far it's been good.

I wasn't really feeling the holidays this year. I was glad to have the time off work to sleep in and just do what I wanted, but as for the celebration of whatever, I wasn't feeling it. But, when I woke up on Thanksgiving morning and I knew my house was overflowing with kids, I felt so full in my heart. There is nothing more that I love than to be a mom, having my kids around me just makes me feel complete. I look forward to the day that there are even more at my table - partner, friends and grandbabies. The conversation is so nice and easy. No tension. We all get along and can tease and play around and enjoy just being together. It's a nice place to be.

This made me think of something that was going around on Facebook. It was a cheesy thing about telling something you are thankful for every day in the month of November. Not many of my friends participated, but I have to say, some of them were really digging when it came to what they were thankful for. (Sorry if you participated and are now offended by my comments.) Then there were the ones who skipped a few days and then made up for it. Really?? I am thankful for a lot but I don't feel thankful every day, just being honest. Everyone is thankful for the same thing, kids, husband/wife, mom/dad, house, Jesus, etc. etc. I would have liked to see something original but, that's what that was intended for, I don't think.

Shouldn't we just be thankful for whatever we are going through in our lives, good or bad, because it makes us who we are? It makes us stronger and wiser and better - if we learn from it, whatever "it" is.

Where is the Maturity?

2011-11-23T06:13:00.000-08:00

Why are we such an immature society now? Wasn't there a time when we didn't think and act like a child past the age of oh, say, 12? Ok, maybe 18, but really....Once we get into the "adulthood" of our lives, shouldn't there be some part of us that starts to think like an adult? I just wonder what has happened to the idea of bringing up adult children?

Me at the age of 15.

The majority of the people I am around on a daily basis are under the age of about 35. Now, I am only 44, so it really doesn't seem like that big of a deal. But, OH what a difference a decade makes. I am raising teenagers, I get that. There are many days that I feel like I am in a sorority every time I leave the house Monday thru Friday. Oh, and I didn't get accepted in the group. I am obviously the outsider.

Looking out at the world through friends, Facebook, the church I have attended, it just feels like it's really, truly become a Me, Me, Me world and it really makes me sick. It's not what I want my children to learn. They should be people who give back to others, not want and expect everything to be given to them.

I remember a couple of years ago, I said to some of my friends how I wanted the kids and I to go feed the homeless for Christmas. They said to me, "If my mom had done that to me when I was there age I would have been so pissed!" I want to believe I've raised better kids than that. They definitely know they done want for anything. They do know that they are very lucky to have two parents who love them. We may be divorced, but we would both do anything for them. Would they be ok with feeding the homeless on Christmas? I don't know, but I would hope they could appreciate that.

Dear God in heaven, help us figure out a way to overcome this selfishness and think of others over ourselves.

Frustrations of Single Friends

2011-11-22T06:21:00.000-08:00

This picture just cracked me up. And it says a lot about single people.

There comes a time in a single person's life when they realize what a jerk they've been to their friends - or one can hope, right? I know in my single life, I have caused a few of my friends to have the urge to seek out a brick and just about hit themselves on the head with it because they can't get through to my desperately pathetic brain. To them, I have and will continue to apologize.

In the last, oh, seven years or so, I have had many, many women, mostly just acquaintances, come to me for relationship advice. There weren't too many that made me want to grab a brick, but there has been at least one. The others took my advice or didn't, but they managed to figure out what they needed to. It was certainly a learning for me that showed me what I would love to do if I could ever just change my career path without going to college. I truly feel it's my passion to help broken women AND men along in their journey to be happy with themselves and NOT be in a terrible relationship. I have certainly had my own very long and rough journey. Sharing that with others makes me happy and crazy at the same time.

When my friends and family try to give me advice, I usually won't listen. There was a time when I listened because I was new to the "game". I am certainly a veteran now, no need to give me unwanted advice anymore, but thanks. I honestly think I have finally figured myself out (as much as possible anyway). I have taken my stupid mistakes and am really trying to learn from them. I don't date right now. That means I am not on any dating websites actively seeking out men to talk to. Nor do I come on to anyone, not that I ever did, but I'm still not doing that. I am a flirt, but I always have been. Although, in my 40's, I'm not really feeling as flirty as I did in my 30's.

Here is a fabulous article that was sent to me by a single female co-worker. I think it really says it all. It's title says it all. Enjoy.
A Message to Women From a Man: You Are Not "Crazy"

Very Proud 4th Generation Texan, Thank you very much....

2011-11-21T12:22:00.000-08:00

Have you known someone who constantly complains about where they are living? Someone that is either not from the state or has lived here all their life and just won't move? There is more than one person "in my life", and I use that term very loosely, but none-the-less, they are in my world somehow.....anyway, they complain about living in Texas. Get out. That's all I ever want to say. Leave. There's the door. It opens and will hopefully not hit you in the ass on the way out. Why live here if you are miserable. Make plans to move, and the quicker the better, because this is my state and I am damn proud of it.

Yes, it gets WAY too hot in the summer and the weather is extremely unpredictable, but you should have read that in the brochure before you moved here. It's not a secret. Anyone who has lived here for any length of time can tell you that. It's joked about constantly. What's the saying? "If you don't like the weather in Texas today, just wait until tomorrow. It's bound to be different." This will cause allergies and colds that you never thought you were supposed to get (lovely "summer colds") but it comes with living in the greatest state in the United States of America.

Of my four children, my oldest has told me that he doesn't plan to live in Texas his whole life. It makes me a little sad, but I am always happy to have a place to go visit and people there who will want to see me coming. I will just always reside in Texas....well, unless some hunk of a rich man comes along and sweeps me off my feet once Jonathan is in college. Then, and only then, will I have any reason to actually move away from the state where I was born.

I actually live blocks from the house I lived in when I graduated high school and my ex-in-laws live in the same house they bought when they moved here from New York in 1971. My older kids have all graduated from the same high school as their father and I. To me, that is something to be very proud of. So to those of you who are miserable living where you are living, move or shut up about it already. No one cares and it just makes you look like more of an unhappy person than you already do. Thank you. That is all.

Sur la Table and Learning to Cook

2011-10-21T06:14:00.000-07:00

Team building time - we decided on a cooking class. There are 11 of us in the office in Dallas and three in the McLean office. A cooking class was the best idea ever. Sur la Table in Dallas is down near SMU on Travis Street. If you are ever in Dallas and want to do something very fun, go there. They have prescheduled cooking classes several nights of the week. Check it out online. It's not cheap but VERY worth it.

Chef Ed

Chef Ed was our chef for the afternoon. We had a private class from 4-7 on a Thursday night. They don't have alcohol for you but you can bring it. So, a few of us brought bottles of wine to enoy while we cooked. The mean for the night was "Handmade Pasta Party" and a party it was. I have to say that the group of people I work with are really a ton of fun. The first thing we did was learn how to make pasta dough. It's really just flour and egg and you mix it together and let it rise. I don't know, I have the receipe and I want to try it. Next, you take it in small balls and run it through the machine that flattens the pasta. In the picture there, Ed is using the electric one. Then we ran it back through to cut it into slices. I need one of those machines if I'm ever going to make pasta the correct way. Ok, well that may never happen, but at least I know how to do it if I ever get the hand cranked one. I used the nonelectric one and I did just fine.

We made bruchietta for an appetizer and then two pasta dishes. Ed had made Bolognese for us and that was my very favorite. That is one dish I am going to make this Fall for the kids one Sunday. I want to put pictures up but doing that is just frustrating me right now. Trust me, the meal was delicious. Fetticine with white clam sauce was amazing, Tagliatelle with Asparagus and Fettuccine with Tomato-Vodka Sauce is to die for. And....they were all easy to make. I suppose, for now, I will rely on the fresh pasta I can get at the grocery story. Maybe one day I will decide I need a pasta making machine.

Funny Thing Happened Over the Weekend

2011-10-19T13:34:00.001-07:00

Last weekend I had an alone weekend for the first time in quite a while. With everything that's been going on with the kids and such, it was nice to have some peace and quiet. I had plans but when it came right down to it I just wanted to be alone.

It's been at least two years since I have put out any Fall decorations. It was so beautiful on Sunday that I decided I was ready to decorate once again. For all THOSE years, I was such the "decorate for every holiday" mom. I had decorations for everything and I had a nice, big house to put them in...all around, upstairs and down. When I moved to the duplex, I downsized eventually and since then I've downsized some more. Now, I'm here with all my favorite Fall decorations. I can't even explain what it does to me to put it all out and see the transformation of my home.

The weather this summer has been one for the record books, literally. So, as it's been cooling off and I can open the back door and just enjoy the 80's, my mood feels so at peace. I have really needed it. My personal life had a big hiccup and I am on the road to recovery. The holidays and change in the weather are just the medicine I need.

Then, Sunday night I get a message on Facebook from a woman I don't know but who is starting to date the guy I just broke up with. This has turned into a very long conversation over several days. It has also been very affirming for me. At least I know he wasn't just like that with me. He's that way with all women. I wish I could take out a billboard and airtime and say, "Don't date this man!!" But alas, I can't. I don't know what's going to come with "them" but that's nothing I have concerned myself with. It just goes to show you that 1) people can do some crazy things to find you (she somehow found my blog and linked me to him) and that 2) people are people and the only one you have control over is yourself.

I vow to be a good, honest friend to all of my friends and the best mom in the world to my kids. HAPPY FALL!!

My Final Marching Season For A While

2011-10-16T12:37:00.000-07:00

It dawned on me the other day that I am about to go to my final marching competition until possibly 2014. That is if I encourage Jonathan to be in band at Bell. We will see how the next two years go. Things have really changed over the last six years and I'm not all that happy about it. It's not a subject I can really rant on openly on my blog because it might compromise the integrity of the band. Therefore, I will not mention names but I will elude to what I am talking about and you can figure it out on your own.

I have always been so proud of the fact that my kids are going to the same high school that I went to. They have all been in the band. Watching the evolution of that program was something that I just thrived on in the Fall. Since the last band director left, the program has kept it's integrity, but it seems that the intensity of the program has been compromised. For example, there NEVER would have been a Saturday during the marching season when there was not some form of practice going on. There was one this year. It showed in the competitions that followed.

Realizing that marching is a very political thing when it comes to the judges that judge these competitions, there is a school in our region that I have had enough of. They are showy and loud and obnoxious. They march, stop, play, take up the field with really stupid and obnoxious props and the thing that gets me the most is that their band director stands just off the field during their performance and literally directs!!!! REALLY??? I actually heard another director yelling to the kids on the field what they were supposed to do DURING the competition. If those kids can't do it on their own what are you doing there? Isn't it about teaching them and getting them to the point where they can do it on their own, walking off and letting them compete? At least that's what I was always taught.

We had our time in the spotlight. Now is their time. I just hope that, by the time Jonathan has to make the decision about what to do about high school band, they have gone back done the list and we have gone back up. I know that there are bands out there that never win. I realize that I, as a parent, have been spoiled. I understand that getting 2nd place out of 30+ bands is nothing to gawk out. The thing is we have the best, most mature shows, every year. Why is it that all anyone wants to see are props and musicals? Ugh. I just don't get it.

Divorce Recovery

2011-07-26T06:50:00.000-07:00

It has been over seven years since my divorce. In that seven years, I have had the privilege of guiding and counseling (to a small degree) friends and acquaintances through difficult marriages, divorces and dating. There were many times during my marriage and through the divorce that I often asked the questions, “Why am I going through this?” and “What did I do that was so bad that I don’t deserve to be happy?” It wasn’t long before I realized that there was certainly a purpose for all the pain I was experiencing. God was using me, in a very small way, to help others who were experiencing the same thing.

This meant that He was going to see me through. He had not left me alone to figure everything out. He was right there by my side to give comfort to my heart that was constantly breaking. I would never claim to have all the answers or that I had not done anything wrong. I certainly had done a lot wrong, but my God is forgiving and loving. That is one thing I know for sure. Anything I said to these people was definitely coming out of experiences and knowledge of where I had been and where I was at the time I was approached. God was giving me the words to say to my friend – words of comfort and hope that, while the situation looks horrible right now, it will get better.

I realize that there are people out there, many of whom I am friends with on Facebook, who probably still judge me to a point because they know more details around my divorce that they should. Live and learn on that, I guess. But I will not apologize to anyone for my actions. I have been forgiven by the only person that matters to me. My God. It has certainly changed my view of religion and the church. It has changed my view of relationships and marriage. It has softened my heart to those people who are hurting and hardened my heart to those people who want to judge and make their own calls on situations that are none of their business. Basically, I will not be pushed around anymore but yet, I have compassion for the lost and hurting in a way that not everyone can understand.

There is an opportunity for me to help start a Divorce Recovery group at my church. This is so exciting to me and yet I am very nervous. I have been judged and hurt by my “church friends” in the past. Those were different churches and different friends than I have now. I have to trust that God will bring this to fruition as it has been a passion of mine for a very long time. I want to give others hope that life after divorce can be wonderful. God hates divorce. He doesn’t hate the people in the divorce. He is a just and forgiving God and He IS love for everyone.

This is the book we are looking at using for the class.

Books, Reading and Emotions

2011-07-21T07:29:00.000-07:00

When I have a chance, I love to read. I love to find an author that I can get into, read the whole serious and long for more. It's been a while since that's happened. But, there are woman at work who are passing around all the Jodi Picoult books. I've read one so far (Mercy) and am on my second one (House Rules). For some reason, this book has caused me all kinds of emotional mix up. Basically, it's about a boy, Jacob, who has Asperger's Syndrome. His single mother and younger brother are all he has and their whole world is wrapped up in taking care of him. There is a murder in their small town where they already don't fit in and now he's the suspect because the victim is his social interaction therapist.

It took about three chapters into the book for me to go, "Oh, this is getting really good." I spend my lunch hours reading and then last night, I sat on the couch for over two hours reading. Poor Jeff. He thought, for a little bit, that he had to sit with me with the TV off. I finally said,"You can watch TV. It doesn't bother me." It's that good. I am really just overcome with emotion for what it would be like to be them. Why does this happen to me? There was also a little Facebook drama that happened yesterday that probably didn't help. And I've been going through some major changes personally, so maybe it's just a culmination of everything put together and it's just coming out this way.

Either way, I do like the way Jodi P writes. I would definitely read her stuff. It's a pretty easy read. The books are thick so I can't get through them in a night like I would like, but it's all worth it. It's just nice to take time to sit and read. I think it's good for the soul. I hope to spend time sitting poolside this weekend reading....if I don't die of heat stroke because it's day 19 or over 100 degree weather here in the wonderful state of Texas. Love you all!

A little more about Park City, Utah

2011-07-11T07:30:00.000-07:00

(Some of this is repeat info) Not very often do I get to travel. This year has been the biggest year of travel for me, not that it's been great, exciting places, but I have gotten on a plane more this year than any other year. I should definitely take more advantage of my friend who works for American....or just plan travel time. The main trip this year was for work. We have a team meeting once a year. Our team is spread from Singapore, to Virginia, to Memphis, to Dallas, the UK and other remote offices. This is our one opportunity to see each other face to face. The organizers seem to try to give up great opportunities to stay at amazing places and see things we may not otherwise see. This year we stayed at the Waldorf Astoria Park City, Utah. The hotel is breathtakingly beautiful.

This was the view from my room. I became very facinated with the mountains. The weather was perfect. Not too hot and not too cold. Like last year when we went to Colorado Springs, if the weather was like that most of the time this is definitley some place I would consider living one day. There isn't much around where the hotel is but the town is growing....and there's a shopping center not that far away - WITH a Wal-Mart.

We had activities that we had signed up for during registration. I chose the ATV tour - which I L.O.V.E.D. and decided immediately I needed my own ATV WITH a mountain. It was the most fun I had had in a very long time. The next afternoon, I was supposed to do the Olympic Gold Package that included a bobsled ride, two ziplines and an Alpine slide. It rained, however, and all we were able to do was the bobsled. That took forever because of the lightening. Every time it hit anywhere near us we had to wait 20 minutes. The ride went about 65 miles per hour in about 60 seconds. Yeah. I will never be doing anything like that again. I rode with two coworkers who are probably half my size and being the mom that I am, chose the back seat because I didn't want them getting thrown around. Yeah.....

Getting ready, lookin' tough!

This is us. I'm in the back, Andrea in the middle and Melissa up front.

All in all, it was an amazing trip and a great experience that I will never forget. It's so wonderful to work for a company that takes us to places like this. These are things I wouldn't do otherwise. I just don't know how to spend that kind of money. Maybe one day I'll learn.

June into July

2011-07-06T12:29:00.000-07:00

The end of June, 2011 was amazingly crazy with travel and stuff. Michale and his band Mouth of the South went on a journey to Illinois to play at the Cornerstone Festival for the second year in a row. He is more distant right now than he has ever been, but he knew I was praying for safe travels so that's all that matters. Alyssa was taking a road trip with her friend, Marissa, to Pennsylvania. Marissa's dad and stepmother live there and I guess she normally flies but since they are 18 and out of high school a road trip sounded better. They are coming home today and Alyssa sounds tired but I know they had a wonderful time. What a great adventure! I would have never thought about going out of state at that age. It was all I could do to go to Galveston at 18.

Benjamin had surgery for his deviated septum on June 27th. All went well and his text to everyone was "This is life changing." Who knew being able to breathe through your nose wasn't something everyone could do! Jonathan spent several days with Grandy and Grampa (my stepmom and dad) while I went to Utah for a company team meeting. They went to Legoland and made raisins, among a lot of other things. Jonathan was definitely kept very busy and had a wonderful time being special. Then I went to Utah and Iowa all in the span of seven days. I think I saw more of the US in those seven days than I had my whole life. Not really, but it sure felt like it.

So Utah - this was for our Annual Global Customer Marketing team. We are spread all over the world, literally, so it's our one time a year to come together and see each other face to face. We stayed at the Waldorf Astoria Park City hotel and spent a lot of time at the Utah Olympic Park for various activities. Hilton is a big USOC sponsor so we tend to focus on that during these trips. The first night there we saw the Flying Ace All-Star show. The skiers mingled with our group before performing and then afterwards took pictures with us. That was one definite must see if you are ever in the area.

The next day we had meetings in the morning and then did the ATV tour that afternoon. That has to be the most fun I've had in a long time. I decided I need an ATV that comes with a mountain because I'm sure it's just not as fun without the mountain. The view was beautiful and incredibly dirty but SO fun! Wednesday was a rainy day so it put a damper on our plans to do all of the Olympic Gold package which was the bobsled, two ziplines and an alpine slide. We did end up doing the bobsled and, while I'm really glad I did it, I would never do it again. It was just way too rough. I think we got up to close to 70 mph in about 60 seconds. Yeah....

So there is a new man in my life. He's not new to me at all but he's new to everyone around me. His name is Jeff McKim. We met in February of 2004. Without going into great detail, we had a connection that just never took off. We remainded friends all this time. In May of 2009, Jeff had a stroke that left him in a coma for six weeks. The doctors didn't think he would live but he did. I tell him all the time, God saved his life so that we could finally be together. I didn't know about the stroke until about a year or more later. He found me on Facebook when he was in rehab. I went to see him once and it honestly just broke my heart. To see this 6'2" man who used to be so strong and alive having a hard time walking and talking was apparently something I wasn't able to handle right then. I hate admitting that, but it's true. Then, this past February my friend asked me if I had heard from him. I decided to see what he was doing. When I looked at his Facebook it said he lived in Grinnell, Iowa. I knew that was where he was from so I immediately emailed him. He said he had moved there in January to be closer to his parents. He was still in rehab but his stepdad wasn't doing well so he wanted to be close to help his mom and dad out.

Over the last four months, there have been endless hours spent on Skype and the phone, a couple of visits to Iowa and one back to Texas, but it wasn't long at all before we both just came clean about our feelings for each other. I can't tell you in words how wonderfully peaceful it feels to have someone love you unconditionally and to be able to love him back the exact same way. I have never felt this love. I knew it existed and I knew I wanted it but I didn't think it was for me. I didn't believe that I deserved it. But I do. I know that now. I can say, for the first time in my life, I feel like things are pretty perfect. I have my kids, my parents and now a man that truly loves me in spite of myself.

Beryl, Jeff and Deena - my family addition

Father's Day 2011

2011-06-19T08:44:00.000-07:00

Normally, in the past, I have really dreaded this day. It's not been an easy "holiday" for me the majority of my adult life. This year was different. I'm very glad about that. I didn't find myself standing in the card section looking for a very blank, basic Father's Day card of sorts that I could just sign my name to. All together, it was a much more pleasant experience.

Growing up in my house wasn't horrible by any stretch of the imagination, it was just a childhood with mostly good memories but not a lot of close bonding going on. My dad had just become a dentist when I was born. He was constantly working to build a practice (so it seemed) and my mom was always just there doing what she had to do. This wasn't anything I realized until I was older. It was just normal to me. There was a time in my life when I really resented my childhood, even though I had everything a little girl could ask for. The one thing I missed out on was a truly loving home. Looking back at it now, I realize that life is what you make it.

I could go on and on about how my parents were distant and focused on their own problems more than the kids. Now that I am a parent, especially of teenagers - a whole other breed - I realize that my parents did what they could just to survive. I have worked past the hostility and frustration to a place of peace. It helps a lot that my dad and I are closer than we've ever been. I honestly chalk that all up to the fact that he is now retired and doesn't have the burdens of owning a dental practice on his shoulders. He only needs to be concerned about his own bills. Anger and bitterness only make you sick. The past is the past. Move on and live the life God intended you to live.

My dad gave his children what he did not have growing up. He came from a more difficult environment than I could ever imagine. I respect him for working as hard as he did to make sure that his children never had to go without. This Father's Day I was able to look forward to calling my dad and telling him "Happy Father's Day" without feeling like I was doing it out of obligation. I love you dad. From the bottom of my heart up.

Turner Falls Park - Oklahoma

2011-06-06T07:51:00.000-07:00

The Falls

Have you ever been some place that you enjoyed but that had bitter memories attached to it so you wanted to go back and make better memories? That's what Turner Falls Park is for me. The first time I went there was 1989. I was a newly wed and we went with a couple-friend who had been married for some time and were so happy. Even though "we" were newly weds, the start to this weekend vacation got off to a bad start as did most things in our marriage.

In 2006, as a newly divorced single mom with four kids to entertain for the summer, I made a decision to go back. I had just started working for the hotel, which meant I could get a great deal on a hotel room and get away with the kids so why not? It wasn't going to be anything fancy and it would just be the weekend but it wouldn't be Bedford, TX.

My memory of the trip was that the kids really had a good time. It's only about a two hour drive and we went the night before. The hotel we stayed in isn't a Hampton anymore, which makes sense because I remember it wasn't very up to par when we stayed there. We ate dinner at the Two Frogs Grill which was where the front desk agent suggested but once we got in there, made me a little uncomfortable. So we ate quick and went back to the hotel to watch a movie.

2006

There is a lot of walking to be done at the park, so we did our fair share. I know the kids ran around a lot more than I did. That particular summer the water was down more than the first time I was there. It was definitely easier to walk around, but not as fun to swim. They have two major water holes to swim though, so that's what we did. The first one is the Blue Hole Pool at the front of the park. They have a slide and diving boards. Then you can walk down the road a little bit, climb up into "The Castle" which is a replica of a castle, not the real thing. (Duh.) Then the Falls are just down from there. You used to could go swim up under the water fall, but the year we were there someone drown so I don't think they let you do it anymore. At least I didn't see anyone do it while we were there this past weekend.

Which brings me to my most recent trip. I wanted to get away for the weekend. I have had company for over a week and I was tired of sitting around. My decision was to go to Turner Falls. Just a day trip but something away home. It was pretty cool when I realized that we were driving through the University of North Texas campus where Alyssa will be going here in about two months. We left about 9:00 and took our leisurely drive, getting to the park about 11:15. First stop was for me to get my swimsuit on, then we walked down the road to the Falls. We parked at the front near the Blue Hole Pool but I wanted to be close to the front.

The day was beautiful, warm and water levels were perfect. Now, I am not one to exercise - ever. Jeff has balance issues, but this was good exercise. As we are walking, I realize that there is really no safe way to get into the water. Everything is probably going to be slippery. Luckily, we brought good shoes to have on in the water. It was getting in the water that was the trick. We also have to just leave our stuff on the side where anyone could take it. I tried not to be paranoid and just trust that we would be ok.

Getting into the water was definitely a group effort. Neither one of us wanted to fall or see the other one fall. People were slipping all around, so we knew it was very possible. Once in the water, I had to overcome my creepiness about there being things IN the water. This could be anything that would brush up against me and make me scream. There was a lot of that. Then to find a place I could touch and not think about something grabbing my leg....well, at least the water temperature was really nice. Not too cold, not hot at all. As we are not kids anymore, we decided that was fun and so now, let's find a place to layout and get some sun. We spent the rest of the day sitting in the stream parts of the park where we could get wet but not worry about not being able to see the bottom of the pond. It was a lot of fun and I can't wait to go back and take the kids. Kids always make things more entertaining.

2011

We did venture up into the castle. I just wanted one picture. The picture up there on the left is of when I took the kids in 2006. It's probably my most favorite picture of my kids. The picture on the right here is of when we were there this past weekend - sans kids. Wouldn't it be great to have grandchildren one day and take them up there and get a picture? Just a thought.

Kids Do Grow Up

2011-05-24T14:32:00.000-07:00

It's hitting me really hard today how my kids are growing up so fast. Michael is no longer a teenager and Alyssa is 18 years old. How did that happen? I feel like I've just taken motherhood by the balls and never looked back. Most of the time, it just came natural to me how to deal with whatever was thrown at me. I've always thought I had an instinct about how to raise my children. Yes, there were times, like when they were sick or doing things I didn't exactly expect, that I had to take a step back and rethink how I was going to handle "it" but I did it and I believe we all came out for the better. (These are the things I think will probably come back to haunt me in about ten years.)

Four kids later, I have one out of high school and out of the house taking care of himself and am about to have my second high school graduate with one following very close behind. You would think that with Jonathan going into junior high next year I wouldn't be so on edge about all these changes. WRONG! For one, he is a different child all together. I've tried never to compare my kids and I would hope they would tell you I haven't compared them to each other. It's just that I look at where I was seven years ago, when I became a single mom, to where I am today. So proud of all of the kids accomplishments and decisions that have had to be made over the years and of myself for still having it together, so to speak.

Michael playing in his band, Mouth of the South

Michael is working full time at Six Flags and has started back playing with his friends in Mouth of the South. I think he is finally at a good place in his life. He seems very happy and excited about being able to persue his music, which is where his heart is. I know some people think that all kids should go to college right out of high school. I am not one of those people. I didn't go until I was 20 and didn't finish because of having kids too quickly. Everyone has their own style and pace at which to take life. I like to think that I let my kids do their own thing and just support them - as long as it's legal and all. As a parent we all just want our kids to be happy, right? That's all I want. I raised them to be independant and self-confident in their decisions. Musically, Michael is an amazing musician. When I hear him play and sing, it always amazes me. He can play guitar and piano and has a beautiful voice. One of these days he will let me go see his band play!

Kelsey & Alyssa - UNT Roomies

This past weekend was full of awards ceremonies for Alyssa. It started Thursday night with the Senior Awards for all Seniors all awards. I have learned NOT to go to these things with an agenda. Go and stay until it's over...which could be one hour or three. This particular even last two hours. There have been a lot of accomplishments from the Class of 2011. Alyssa is graduating with NHS and IB Honors. To the right she is pictures with her IB hood. She received this Saturday during the IB Senior Celebration Luncheon which was actually very fun, good food, and lasted an hour longer than it was scheduled. For the first time in a very long time, I saw Alyssa cry. She doesn't usually cry, much less in public. The ceremony was for Trinity and Bell. The teachers and students coordinated very well together and it was very entertaining. One of the funniest things they did was to show this video spoof of Hitler finding out that he failed the IB HL Math test and didn't receive his IB Diploma.....which is a real possibility. It's hilarious. You should watch it. It's an excerpt from the movie about Hitler with subtitles.

Benjamin and Curtis Mayo after the orchestra concert

Benjamin has once again made first chair Band One at LD Bell. He also made Brass Captain for next year. He was also accepted into the Greater Dallas Youth Orchestra. Out of over 100 trombonists that tried out, they picked five and he was one of the five. That will take up much of his summer along with taking extra courses that he doesn't want to waste time on during next school year. He will be a Senior taking IB and in NHS as well. It's amazing to realize that I have such smart, accomplished children.

Jonathan posing for a picture

Jonathan will finish elementary school on Friday. He will no longer be big man on campus, but 7th grade in a new school making new friends along with having the old friends. He will be playing the Bassoon (See the picture of Curtis above) and participating in football - which will be interesting as he isn't a very sport oriented boy but I think it will serve him well. He is also going to try French instead of Spanish like the other kids did in 7th grade. I will be very interested to see how well he does with learning another language. We went to his 6th Grade End of the Year Party on Saturday night and he seemed to really have a good time. I hardly ever saw him the whole four hours we were there, so that's always a good thing. At the beginning of the school year I was very worried that he was trying to sabbatoge his last year of elementary so that he didn't have to go to junior high. Now, I believe he is really as ready as he can be. He could stand to have better friends, but he is seeing that without me having to point it out to him.

So things around the house are going to be changing more and more over the next few months. More to come on that - people moving out and people moving in - but it's always a good thing. My life really hasn't changed too drastically all that much in quite a while. It's time to stir things up, don't ya think??

Prom 2011 - It's Different with a Girl

2011-05-11T09:40:00.000-07:00

Alyssa at the Gaylord

This is my second experience with prom for my kids. Two years ago it was Michael and boys are easy. They only require a tux and a good haircut. I must say, this year was much more fun and girlie for me. Alyssa is not a typical girlie girl, so to get to do the nails (toes and hands) and hair was quite an adventure. My hairdresser, Amber, was immediately hired for the hair and my nail tech, Tiffany, did the nails. We were all set to go.

The dress came from the Prom Closet, set up by the HEB school district. I linked to the Facebook page so you can read more about it. I thought it was just for students who couldn't afford a dress to be able to go pick out one for free. But in reading the Facebook page, it's so much more than that. I was in Iowa the weekend Alyssa and Monica decided to go see if they could find dresses. I got a few picture texts and immediately knew the dress I thought Alyssa should get. And it was free! So, she found the perfect dress at the perfect price. We will be taking it, along with a banquet dress, back to donate so that someone else can use it.

Green toes for "Mean Green" UNT

She had her manicure and pedicure done that morning while I took her car over to Grampa's so that he could check the oil and change out the windshield wiper blade. Then it was lunch and off to get her hair done with Amber. She is at a local salon so we saw lots of girls from Bell (and a few from Trinity) getting their hair done as well. Interesting side note, Trinity, who is our rival high school, was having their prom on the same night at the same venue in a room right next door to Bell. Interesting how that all happened. I think they usually try to schedule them a week apart at least. It was interesting to see all the different styles that the girls were going with. Apparently, half up and half down is in because of Taylor Swift. Alyssa went with full up because she didn't want to get hot breakin' it down on the dance floor. Ok, I'll stop trying to be cool......

Back of the hair

So anyway, back to the hair....when I went to prom...well anything, I always did my own hair. It's very different now. Girls have their hair done in up-do's all the time. It's rather expensive but we were both happy with the outcome and there is no way I could have done that myself. It did take a good two hours because my little girl has no shortage of hair, unlike her mother. She got the thick hair for sure! The best thing is that we certainly got our money's worth. She had that hair up for about 36 hours she liked it so much! After hair, we got home in just enough time for her to do make up and get dressed before the limo picked her up. There was a group of them going together and one of the parents knew someone with a limo (lucky us!) so they all got to ride in style. She was the second person to be picked up. The it was on to the Gaylord to take group pictures.

These four girls have been best friends through high school. Alyssa and Marissa have known each other since 7th grade band. They will all be going to the University of North Texas in the fall. Alyssa and Kelsey will be rooming together and Monica and Marissa will be rooming together. I hope and pray that they have a wonderful journey through college and remains friends no matter what. How beautiful are these girls?!?

Kelsey, Alyssa, Monica, Marissa

National Honor Society Induction 2011

2011-05-04T12:53:00.000-07:00

For the second year in a row, I have attended the National Honor Society Induction ceremony for one of my children. According to my dad, Ben is only the second person in our family to be inducted into the NHS - the first being Alyssa last year. This is something that is such a proud moment for me. My kids just amaze me with how smart they are, how hard they work to achieve things that I never even thought about doing. Benjamin said that when he was getting his certificate the man shaking his hand said,"Smile for your parents. They are in the audience!" (or something like that)

Ben is one of those kids that has just always done well. He never had to work hard to do well in school until probaby half way through junior high. And even then, he still made straight A's. It's been hard to look at a report card and get all excited about his grades because...well...he's just always done well. His Grandy asked him Monday night if he had ever gotten a B. His response was, "Yeah once or twice". I have really had to make a concious effort to congratulate him on his achievements because it's not fair to him that I just know he will do well and then not say anything about it.

He has almost made it through his first year of IB and will continue that next year, along with his NHS projects. Luckily, this isn't for a grade, although that does matter. It's more of a service organization and he is very good at service. His plan is to go to the University of Houston to study music. He wants to be a band director. I feel certain he will and one day, in about six years, I will be sitting in a high school stadium somewhere watching a band that he is directing march on the field. And I will be just as proud as the day I watched my own children march on the field.

May 1, 2011 "DNA testing confirms bin Laden death"

2011-05-02T09:28:00.000-07:00

Please know that I am not a political person. I do not debate politics or religion. I have my opinions and how I feel about certain things but I do not like to debate with anyone so that is not what this is about.

I was literally passed out on the couch last night before 9:00 pm because of my crazy weekend with Alyssa and prom. So, when I woke up at 3:00 am and looked at my phone and found a text from my friend, Caroline, that read, "USA has bin Laden....Pres about to speak..." my first thought was, "What??" The next thing I did, of course, was check Facebook. That's where I saw six hours of information about the events I had slept through, along with feelings, some very harsh, thoughts of my friends and some family and I was a little surprised at some of them.

My first reaction was, "Great!" I didn't get all excited and want to run into the streets and scream. I just thought that now there wouldn't be any more speculation about his whereabouts and we could all go on with our lives doing whatever we do and hopefully things will settle down. Realistically I think this is just a small piece to the big puzzle of life and, while it may change a few things, I believe the war will go on. We, as Americans, should support our troops because they are over there fighting for us. Feel however you want about our country and president, but our troops have family, children, who miss them every day and worry if they will be coming home. They are the ones I think about.

What I do NOT agree at ALL with is the statement, "I am sadden to know so many of you are happy about a death of another person. weather he did right or wrong we should not be rejoicing." This is directly from a Facebook friend - a guy I used to work with at the hotel. I don't agree with a lot of what he posts but I keep him as a friend. I don't know why. There were other people who posted similar things, but this one just kills me. Osama bin Laden isn't just another person. He was an evil man who is burning in the pits of hell right now and forever. Unfortunately, he probably didn't suffer or even know what hit him before he was killed. They will bury him at sea according to Islamic tradition, which I suppose is better than in the ground for people to flock to and worship him like he was some great leader. I wish they would burn his body on the way out to sea. That would make me happy. But then, no one asked so I guess they don't care.

I have had no intention of having a discussion about this, although my best friend called me as I was driving to work and brought it up. I just listened (because her opinion is much like the above) and then tried to divert from the subject at hand. As I am getting set up to work, I hear the director right in front of my desk say something of the same opinion as my Facebook friend and best friend. This is the point at which I thought it best to put my ear buds in, turn the music up and get to work. I realize, too, that people have an issue with us, as Americans, reacting like other countries do by running out into the streets and screaming, raising the flag. I heard they even flocked over to Pres. George W's house here in Dallas. That is a little extreme if you ask me but they have that right. Everyone is different in their reactions and feelings and it's their right to have those reactions and feelings and express them in a public forum. The below image is the first thing that came up when I googled for images of rejoicing over bin Laden's death. This really bothers me.

It was labeled "Suicide Bomber".

Shaking Things Up a Bit

2011-04-25T19:27:00.000-07:00

It's been a while. It's not like nothing's been going on, but really, not a whole lot's been going on. But that's about to change. Let me do a quick run-down since the last blog. Michael is officially moved out and living with a friend in Arlington, working and finding out what it's like to be a "responsible adult". Alyssa has completed her IB requirements and next week starts all the major testing to make sure she gets her IB diploma. Benjamin is being inducted into the National Honor Society this coming Monday. Jonathan has decided to play the Bassoon next year in junior high. We will get a call in May telling us if that works with his schedule since he is also doing Pre AP Math and there will be a shortage of teachers which messes with scheduling.

Having not really felt like blogging in a while, it caused me to think about doing something different with this blog. My brother, Andy, and a friend, Michelle, who's blogs I read, have mentioned the same thing and now I sort a feel like a copy-cat so to speak. There is another woman I work with that writes a very funny blog. If I could go that route, I sure would. Unfortunately for me, or maybe not, that idea is kinda out because I have geared this to be about me and my kids.And while I have had a rant or two now and then, it's been rather tame and, dare I say it, boring for a while. I am also a little intimidated that there are people out there that read this that I don't really know about and I do not want to offend anyone. I am not always tactful with my words, let's be honest.

As I am not much into controversy, I hesitate to talk about subjects that would upset or shock anyone. But.....yes, there is a but....I would like to just voice an opinion about something I saw on Facebook a couple of weeks ago. It's about kids and how we raise them in public school. This is a choice that we, as parents, will make once we have a child entering kindergarten. (The choice is public, private or home schooling, by the way.) Having experienced home schooling and public school, I will tell you that I am glad that my children have gone to public school because of the experiences and opportunities that they have had. I am also glad that, for the older three of my kids, I was able to play a bigger part in their education than I would have if they went straight to public school in kindergarten like Jonathan did. As with anything in life, there have been ups and downs, but one thing that seemed consistent to me is that there are bullies and bad teachers everywhere. You have to learn how to react when you child tells you that some "bully kid" threatened them or some teacher didn't react the way you thought they should.

It does irk me when a parent thinks their child can do no wrong and wants to proclaim to the Facebook world how angry they are and ask for sympathy for their poor, sweet baby. Believe me, I have not been without controversy at school. I have had to call a conference with a teacher, my child and the principal. I have had to confront a few teachers in my day. The one thing I didn't do was blast it all over the social media...ok there may have been one small incident with Jonathan at the beginning of the year....and honestly, I probably wasn't even on Facebook when the majority of my issues occurred, but either way...it's irritating to us parents who have already had a reality check and realize that, if you choose to put your child in ANY form of school there will be issues. The ONLY way to avoid this is to keep them at home forever. And then you have a mess on your hands....just sayin'.

2011-What a year so far

2011-02-23T09:15:00.001-08:00

First, let me warn you...I've found an app on my iPhone that let's me blog when I feel like it so I don't have to wait until it's convenient for me. We'll see how this goes.

I had fairly high hopes that 2011 was going to be my year. Yeah, well, apparently I was a bit too optimistic. I know. It's not even the end of February. But man has it been a rough two months.

One thing I've learned in my life is that just when you think things are going smooth, hold on. The rides not over yet. Without going into great detail, I have had the most trying time as a parent yet. I've experienced something I hope no parent has to ever experience. Everyone is alive and well but I questioned myself and my sanity there for a while.

As a daughter, I've had to see my dad through the death of his sister. The one he was so close to - which was very close to home considering my relationship with my brother. I've had to back off of any real relationship with my mother who I was very close to for many years. It is a decision that I can say with great certainty that I am peace with. There will come a day that she will no longer be on this earth and my memories of her will be wonderful.

Being single for seven years now, I've seen way more than I ever thought I would and been in more odd situations than I really cared to. From this though, I really feel that God has me on a path to do something great with everything I've seen and learned. Only time will tell.

When I hit rock bottom I will let you know. Until then I'm just hangin on the nearest ledge!

2011 - The Best Year Yet???

2011-01-08T08:15:00.000-08:00

That's the goal, isn't it? To make the new year better than the last year? How do you go about that exactly? It's not like you can snap your fingers at the stroke of midnight and all the crap in your little world becomes cookies. Yes, I know, it's all in the attitude. Keeping that great attitude up sometimes might require great amounts of drugs, maybe even the illegal kind, which is not something I am willing to go for.

Personally, I always have hope that this new year will be better than the year I just left. So how am I going to help my attitude and have a better outlook on things? For one, I am desperately trying to learn from my past, the mistakes, the failures, the accomplishments - all of it for there have been many of each. Someone said to me once, "A mistake is never stupid unless you didn't learn from it." I have made mistakes several times before I learned from them but I finally got it!

I have a few personal goals for this year.

1) Spend more time with my girl friends and quit sitting around the house alone so much.
2) Exercise in any form. I live in a beautiful little neighborhood where people walk all the time. I can do that.
3) Manage my money better. The economy still isn't all that great and I hear rumors at work. Get started.
4) Pray and read more. These two go hand in hand to me because they are both theraputic and soul cleansing.

There are times of reflection in ones life and most everyone uses January 1 to reflect on theirs. I look at my future and think of things that I would rather be doing than the things I'm doing right now. I would like a different career path, but that would require going back to school. I could check into it. A lot of people go back to school in their 40's. I have friends doing it right now. If I didn't have to work I could do that for sure. I just need to concentrate on one thing at a time. Ok, maybe that's something I will do this year.

Then there are those days when I wish I was still this little girl in the bathtub, playing with bath bubbles with her favorite brother.....

Christmas Eve

2010-12-24T21:03:00.000-08:00

The last few days have been pretty good. Today, not so much. When I woke up I don't think I was really ready to get up but had too much to do not to, you know? I realize I have expectations of people. I don't know how to live my life without putting expectations on those people that I associate with on a daily basis. I don't see them as unreasonable expectations, but maybe any expectation is unreasonable. I don't know.

Christmas is so commericalized it's about to drive me to not celebrate the holiday ever again. It's all about the "season of giving" yet everyone talks about what they want. I work with a lot of people. I have four kids and three parents to buy for. Who all am I expected to buy for? If someone gives me an unexpected gift am I expected to give one back or is a thank you card enough? These are the questions I am trying to answer. I just don't know anymore. I have been dating a guy for over three months. I haven't been sure that we would even be dating at Christmas so was I supposed to buy him something or not? If I did get him something, what is a reasonable price range? What is too much vs. what is too little? I did get him a very thoughtful gift and I think it was at about the right price range, but who really knows? I think it's all about personal opinion.

Today wasn't a good day for me. I had to get out and get a few things and guess what? It was raining. Last year it was snowing like crazy. This year...rain. I don't even know why I bothered to try to fix my hair. It just curles up ugly so why bother? But I did twice. I went to the grocery store and told myself that if there wasn't a parking spot two or three from the door I wasn't going inside. There was. I did. Then I had to get the groceries in the house, refix my hair and leave with the kids to go to my dad's for Christmas. All the while I am in a horrible mood. I feel disrespected and taken advantage of, probably for no good reason. I spent too much time in the bathroom crying. I hate days like today.Then the kids and I go to the candlelight service at church and things got a little better. Now as I sit here typing this my stomach problem has reared it's ugly head and I feel horrible. Physically ill. This is most likely the reason for my mood all day. I want a do over on today.

This is a picture of my kids with my dad, stepmom and sweet Aunt Mary, who has small cell cancer and wasn't supposed to live past June and is still going strong. She fell a few weeks ago and now lives with my dad. Her rotater cup is torn in her right arm and she is supposed to have surgery on it in February. Say a pray for her every night. She needs it.

The picture at the top is the Christmas tree at the Adolfus Hotel in Dallas. It was pretty. I hope tomorrow is a better day.

On Being Divorced

2010-12-12T05:55:00.000-08:00

(On a side note: I wrote this a few days ago. To some it may seem raw. To me it is just who I am and how I feel. It isn't meant to offend anyone. It's meant to help anyone who is contemplating divorce. In the last seven years and really, in the last few weeks, I have encountered so, so many people who are either thinking about divorce or going through it. This is just my experience and my thoughts. It's all from my heart. Please be gentle with it.)

Monday will mark the seventh "anniversary" of the finality of my marriage. It's hard to fathom it's really been that long. Some days it seems like it was just yesterday and some days it seems like the marriage never even happened. It's nice to be where I am today, emotionally void of all that anger and bitterness. I am just at a sort of "void of emotion" spot where the past life is barely a memory and the present is a new day every day I wake up.

I take situations much more laid back than I did in the past. Now, it still really pisses me off when I feel like my kids get the short end of the stick and aren't as important as the party that is planned on a weekend that is supposed to be set aside for kids. It's really not hard to figure out how to plan your social schedule. It's like just knowing for a very long time that these are the two (and sometimes three) weekends that you have your kids. You only see them twice a month. Plan something to do with them, not with your friends - idiot. So I digress. Divorce is what it is. Smelly, stinky, ugly and disgusting. There is nothing pretty about it - except that maybe one (and on occasion both) parent(s) emerge happier and healthier than they would have been had they stayed together.

To those of you who have questioned and never been brave enough to ask, I have not one day of regret in divorcing the man I spent 20 years of my life with. My only regret is that I didn't learn the relationship skills that I have now way back then and maybe, JUST maybe, our marriage would have survived. But then again, that would have taken two people changing and in the equation I found myself in, one person (not naming names) wasn't willing to change. The justifying part of this is that, to this day, he still hasn't changed so my bet was right and, in the end, I did the right thing for my kids.

Other divorces, my own parents, was a very integral part in why I decided to end my own marriage. My parents were married for 33 years when my dad had had enough and left and then 34 years when the divorce was finalized. I lived my childhood in a house that was cold and void of true affection. My parents went throughout their days playing the part of being married and being parents. I don't know when they quit being in love or honestly - if they were ever in love. I do remember, at the age of 13, writing a letter to Ann Landers telling her that my parents were obviously not in love with each other and how should I go about getting them to see this and move on....divorce and just move on. I never sent the letter.

Ten years later, I am pregnant with my first child, about to have a baby shower at my parent's house, and my mom calls to inform me that, as soon as the party is over, my dad will be moving out. Oh, did I mention my husband was in the hospital for agoraphobia?? Yeah, great timing. So there I am feeling relieved that my parents were finally going to separate and find themselves again and yet I was about to have a baby and my husband was in lock-up. It's all a distant memory now, but the whole situation had a huge baring on my decision to file for divorce. I was not going to live a life of unhappiness just to keep the family together. I wanted better for my kids. I resented my parents for putting us through the facade of their marriage. I didn't want my children to ever feel the same way about me.

Do they resent the divorce? You will have to ask them. As they get older, we talk about it and, for the most part, I have been told they understand and do see things are much better than they would have been had I stayed. Do they wish we were all still a family? Again, you would have to ask them, but I would assume yes. I mean, really? Who wants their parents divorced? I wish my parents were still together and happy and that we were the Brady Bunch forever, but that's not what happened. I am happy where I am. I love my dad and my stepmom. I love my mom as much as I can considering the current situation. I wish she had found someone to take care of her. I wish she had found out how wonderful it can be to have the companionship of a man that isn't your son. But she seems to be happy so good for her.

So for anyone out there who is thinking about divorce, knows someone who is thinking about divorce or is going through a divorce, just know that it's a life-changing decision. And while things can certainly be better, that's not always the case. I most definitely feel very blessed that my kids have come through amazingly, but that doesn't always happen. I feel I went through the things that I did to be able to "counsel" other people who need someone to share their feelings with, so if you want to talk, I would love to listen. You may not like what you hear, though. Just know that I speak from my heart. I do not mince words and I will most likely tell you to work as hard as humanly possible to make things work before you bail.

And how is it supposed to go exactly?

2010-12-08T19:17:00.000-08:00

(Warning: this isn't exactly a happy thought blog)

When you are born, you come into the world with absolutely no expectations - even the expectation to be fed or clothed or taken care of. That's just something you are given without the care-taker expecting anything from you in return. It's called parenting. Even if they aren't the biological parent of that child, people have an instinct to nurture and care for another living thing - usually. Sometimes though, that person, even though they give birth to a baby, doesn't have the ability to nurture. Sometimes they can only nurture one person even when they are a parent to more than one.

Ask yourself if you were born into that family? You know, the one where one or both of the parents isn't exactly equipped to love you or your sibling (s)? You won't know this at first because you really don't know any different. Life is what it is. You see little things here and there but you don't really put them together at the time because, well, you are just a child and children only know today. They don't know about the past and certainly don't contemplate a future. They just wake up every morning and start the day new.

When does that change? It can be different for everyone. It all depends on your life experiences. If you have trauma in your childhood, it will most-likely happen sooner than someone who lives a pretty care-free childhood. Or, there's that person who learns very early on to shove those scary feelings to the back of their memory and act like nothing ever happened. It will eventually come out, of course, but they adapt very well to the world of "let's pretend that didn't happen". This practice is one that is pretty hard to break because it's a self-protection mechanism. It isn't until you are willing to face the truth and trust that there is something better on the other side that this practice will stop. There is that occasional lucky fellow who has two loving parents who seem to know exactly what the heck they got themselves into when they had children.

And how do people who are raised in the family with "non-functioning" parents actually survive that childhood to become half-way decent parents? How do they instinctually know how to love multiple children when the home they were raised in was so shut down from anything remotely similar? Isn't it possible that at some point in their adult life, they will come to see the truth - the truth about how their family was and still is to this day? Isn't it possible for them to still love the unloving parent or parents and yet make a choice to distance themselves from that parent - after giving said parent multiple opportunities over many, many years to make a change, to "see the error of their ways", show repentance and become the parent that child needs? If they were unfortunate enough to have two parents who basically checked out during the child-raising years and yet, by some miracle, one parent eventually came around and is doing better, they should consider themselves very lucky.

It is still sad if the other parent, or the one parent who was just not able to care for them, never came around and then started to loose their memory, slip into the old age memory loss called dementia and be forever gone into the bliss of never being able to say they were sorry. It's sad, but is it survivable? Yes, it is. You won't look very good to your peers, unless said peers lived through what you had lived through with their own parents or saw what you had been put through, so that's just a consequence of moving on. But if the child left behind is ever going to be good to anyone, to the children they are raising, there comes a point in time where that "child" has to make an emotional sever in their heart. It's not that the adult child does love the parent, but rather, can't spare the emotional conflict that comes with knowing the past, present and future. Knowing that the continued inability to love will always be present, you have to decide if you can live with that or not. Some people can and some can't. It doesn't make you a bad person if you can't. It changes you forever but you will survive.

This is for anyone out there who may stumble upon my blog and be in the same or similar situation as above. You aren't alone. We were all born into dysfunctional families. On some level, we are all a little messed up. It's the fixing it part that is hard, but totally worth it in the end. Stopping the pattern for your children is so much more important than trying to love the unloving parent. Love them on your terms, but do not forsake your own happiness for something that may never happen. Thanks for reading. I feel better now.

Even though you live here.....

2010-11-30T18:23:00.000-08:00

...doesn't mean you've seen all the attractions. I was born at Baylor Hospital in Dallas on July 27, 1967, about four and a half years after President Kennedy came through on his motorcade and was shot in the back of the head and killed. Sorry, it's true. It's what happened. This past weekend was my first time to actually go down there and see the place where it happened and go to the Sixth Floor Museum where Oswald supposedly camped out and shot from the window with his sniper rifle.

That's it on the right there. Check out the window on the far right - up six floors. That's where he was - supposedly. Now, I believe it was him. I believe he was there. But I will admit, the conspirators were pretty convincing.

The day was perfect. My company was a very sweet guy I have come to really enjoy being around. And yes, I actually like walking around if there is something to look at. We took the TRE from a station close to the house to the Union Station in Dallas just blocks from Dealey Plaza. At first, there weren't too many people around, but by the time we left the museum it was pretty much packed. I found it interesting how people would go stand in the middle of the road by the "X" where Kennedy was shot just to get a picture - no mind that they were about to get mowed over by a coming car. (see photo to your left)

Inside the museum you were given headphones to listen to as you walked around the displays explaining in great detail every single step that was taken on that fateful trip to Dallas. I just kept thinking about how my mom was working in Dallas that day. She has a picture she took as the motorcade drove past her office building. She was working for Blue Cross/Blue Shield and they let everyone step away from their desks to go outside and see them as they drove by. When people started talking about it later, much later, wanting to start the Sixth Floor Museum, I remember my mom would always go to public meetings they were having. She was very fascinated with all the talk. She was there that day. I would have done the same thing.

There is something else I want to do down there and hopefully one day I will....go spend a night at the Hotel Lawrence. It's supposedly haunted. I love haunted.....I think.

Thanksgiving 2010

2010-11-28T17:02:00.000-08:00

A normal day around here is pretty much me getting up after hitting my snooze three to four times, get halfway ready for work, wake up Jonathan (but not Alyssa anymore since she has first period release and gets herself to school) make sure Jonathan is in the shower, finish getting ready for work, make sure to keep Jonathan on task so that we can get out the door some time between 7:15 and 7:30, drive him around the corner to the school crosswalk and then drive 25 miles (45 minutes) to work, work my full day, drive another 25 miles and 45 minutes back home and do whatever needs to be done that night.

This past week was way different. I hadn't used my floating holiday at work yet, was hoping for a half day on Wednesday and had Thursday and Friday off for Thanksgiving. So, I decided this would be a good week to take some time for myself and just relax. The only day I worked was Tuesday, odd but it worked for me. One day a week - I could so handle that if I would still get paid what I get paid. Michael has been living in Forney for about a month and came home on Sunday and Ben came over on Tuesday night to spend the week at my house. I was so excited and sort prepared for a house full of my kids again. It's been a little while.

We didn't have any plans except that I was going to cook Thanksgiving lunch and then they were going to their grandparents to spend the day with their dad's side of the family. There was a lot of relaxing and a little bit of cleaning. Having them home just reminds me how life is a constantly changing process. It definitely makes me thankful for my children and gives me great hope that there will be a day of little grandbabies running around. I know that's a long way off and not something a lot of parents of teenagers are looking forward to, but I love babies, obviously. I want them to be ready for a family and when that time comes I will be ready to be a gramma.

But for now, this is what I deal with ----->

On Being Thankful

2010-11-22T16:00:00.000-08:00

It is the start of the Thanksgiving holiday. I haven't written on here in over two months. I thought today I should write about what I am thankful for. My day hasn't been all that great and I think I need an attitude change or possibly a change of focus. When I feel the way I feel today, it makes me focus on negative things and I really need to retreat with my thoughts and look at all the blessings I have. So here is what I'm thankful for:

My kids are my family. They are my life. Without them I can't imagine where I would be today or what in the heck I would be doing with my life. I have a handsome 19 year old son who has begun the pilgrimage out of my home into his own life. He lives in Forney now and plays in a christian rock band. He has been called into ministry, however that is done for him, and he loves life. After him is my beautiful 17 year old daughter. She makes me so proud because of the woman that she is becoming. She is in National Honor Society and International Baccalaureate at school. She will graduate with honors May 2011. Next is my wonderful 16 year old son who is so talented and smart it just floors me. He is also in International Baccalaureate and will join National Honor Society at the end of this school year. His talent for music and his trombone is a gift that he truly has a passion for. And finally, there is my sweet 11 year old son - a surprise and such a blessing to everyone who knows him. His zest for life is something to behold. His imagination is beyond anything I have seen from his siblings. He has a passion for discovery and I can't wait to see what is in store for his future. Next year he will start a whole new chapter in his life when he goes to Jr. high school.

As I live my life, I see my children growing up and breaking away from my wings - moving on to have their own lives and becoming their own person. They don't tell you how this will make you feel in all the baby books. They don't talk about it much because it's too scary. I believe, if parents knew how it would feel to have to let your sweet baby go one day they just might think twice before having children. If I had been given the chance to feel what I feel right now - the pride and the pain - would it have helped me decide to have children for the pride or helped me decide not to take the chance and endure the pain of letting go?

Through all of the heartache, through all of the pains of birth, through all of the ups and downs of watching them grow up, I would give my life for any one of my kids. I would go through it all over again just to know that I have the gift of being a mom to these four wonderful people.

For them -

I am thankful

What's in a dream?

2010-09-12T16:30:00.000-07:00

When I was young, like elementary school age, I would have terrifying nightmares. The first real memories I have of these bad dreams was right after my granddaddy died. He passed away very suddenly the day before my 11th birthday, July 26, 1978. I was very close to him but didn't cry when he died. I was young but knew I should be crying. I watched my mom and my Maye Maye (grandmother) cry but I just didn't. I couldn't.

I had to postpone my birthday party because of the funeral. When I was finally able to have my friends over, they wanted to do a seance to call the spirit of my granddaddy. I didn't believe in any of that. It was something we were taught was evil and of the devil. But that night, it was raining. In our den was this humongous Mexican chandelier. As we were doing whatever we were doing, it started moving....and from what I remember, we heard a knock on the front door. Of course, we all screamed and then ended up going to sleep.

Over the next few months, I would have dreams about my granddaddy. I would always be with my family and usually my Maye Maye was also in the dream. I would always be the only person who could see him. He would come to me and attack me in my dreams. The odd thing was that he was the most gentle man in the world. He never raised his voice to me or laid a hand on me except in comfort and love. There were a series of about four dreams and they would repeat themselves over and over for months. Finally, one day I told my mom about the dreams. She asked me if he had ever hurt me, trying to figure out why I was having these dreams. Once I talked about them they never happened again.

Over the next 10-12 years, I would have horrible nightmares that would wake me up frozen to my bed. I wouldn't be able to move or sometimes even breath. All I knew to do was start singing "Jesus Loves Me" to make the bad feelings go away. The dreams were always demonic in nature. In some of them I would be crying out to God to save me. I would wake up crying or screaming in my sleep. Once I got married they pretty much stopped. Once I had children I didn't have any more, but I have been fascinated with the paranormal ever since I was brave enough to watch those shows on TV.

The other night I had a very bazaar experience that made me think about all of this again. It makes me wonder what's really out there that we can't see. But that's for another blog.

Colorado Springs and the USOC

2010-09-04T13:00:00.000-07:00

With my job, I don't get to travel as much as I once thought I was going to. i have gone to a few places I wouldn't have gone to though, and that's always nice. This summer, our entire department was taken to Colorado Spring, CO, and visited the USOC and some past and future Olympic athelets. I didn't know what to expect having never been there. A few of the people in our group had been and told lots of great stories so I was excited about going. Heck, I was just excited about going anywhere outside of the state of Texas and on someone else's dime.

We landed on Monday, June 21. Some people went early to get in a weekend before the meeting so they were there to greet us at the hotel. i am just always amazed at the beauty of mountains. I had been to CS a very long time ago in a past life. I knew this time would be much more fun with much bettter memories. There always seems to be that rush to your room because you get there moments before there is a meet and greet. This department as a whole has only been together a year and we had people from all over, Texas, Virginia, Memphis, Singapore and the UK, all together in one room for one purpose - to be a team and see how we could work better together.

Prior to the meeting, we took a test online call the Myers-Briggs Indicator. This is something that I find very interesting. It will basically tell you how your brain works, your strengths and your weaknesses and how those around you work. I was not very surprised at all at the outcome of my answers. The first afternoon, we spent going over the results and learning about ourselves and those around us. For your information, I am ISFJ at work but ESFP at home. I have dual rolls so I react to these circumstances differently.

That evening we were shuttled to the USOC for a small tour of the campus, dinner, meeting a few athletes and then the passing of the torch and lighting of the cauldron. This was actually really cool as we all got to touch and pass the actual torch that the olympians use when they are running to light the cauldron. There was a photograher following us around the whole time and now we have a video of us holding and pass the torch. Pretty cool.

The next day was the only full day we were spending in Colorado so it was definitely full of fun, fun.....meetings. Yes. It's necessary to go over all those statistics about our department and what we can do better. Luckily, it was broken up with another trip to the USOC, cute athletes and a trip to Garden of the Gods. The weather, unlike Texas, was just perfect during the day and a little chilly at night. We did a lot of walking around and exploring and taking pictures. Just being outside in the mountains is not something we do ever in Texas, so we took full advantage of the opportunity! That night we had a wonderful dinner at the country club near there and saw an Indian family perform their dances. It was really nice.

People kept talking about the altitude change and how it can affect you. I didn't feel it except at night when I tried to lay down to sleep. I didn't sleep well either night because it felt like I could breathe very deep. I realized later, well the next day to be exact, that I was experiencing some altitude sickness and was very ready to get home. Thankfully we just had a brief morning meeting and then we were taken to the airport to meet our 3:00 flight back to Texas. I could have stayed longer, but short is always nice too. Living out of a suitcase is not something I would ever want to do on a regular basis.

There are two places that I would live in this universe, other than Texas - Colorado Springs and Amsterdam. For now, I will be staying in Texas, but I would love to have a second home one day.

And I took a couple of months off

2010-09-01T16:49:00.000-07:00

It's been a little over two months since I've blogged. It's not like I haven't had anything going on, I just have had the opportunity to blog. They blocked the site at work, which is silly because we can still get on a lot of other sites, like Facebook. I would only blog during lunch and now I can't even do that. By the time I get home, I am either too tired to think or have to work my second job. I am determined to blog at least once a week though. I just have to. It's good for the soul. Oh, plus my computer was on the fritz for a little bit, so that didn't help matters any at all.

(Warning: This is a little bit of a repeat) Over the summer, the kids went on a Mission Trip to San Antonio to help with church renovations there. It was nice just to be home with me and Jonathan and not have to do the whole teenager "I have to go 50 places" thing. We both missed them at first, but got used to it and were then ready for them to come home. They each seemed very changed by the experience and made new friends in the process. Since we have had this new pastor and a lot of his congregation has come over from his last church, it's been a real adjustment for the youth. This experience truly brought them so much closer together. I would even consider going next year if I can manage the days off.

After the Mission Trip, Alyssa and Benjamin went to youth camp - Newbreed. Apparently, this was the last year they were having it (or is next year the last year? I forget). Anyway, I was so glad they were there together. It seemed to have been a wonderful experience for both of them. Getting closer to God and finding out exactly who you are in Him is always a good thing. I went up there, like usual, on Thursday night, to sit through their evening worship meeting. It's always so good and so lively. There are times I miss going to a church like that, but I know the place I am is where God wants the whole family to be. We have beautiful, wonderful relationships.

Michael spent the week after they got back traveling to the Cornerstone Festival with the band, Mouth of the South. They went o Bushnell, Illinois, and from what I could tell and the pictures I saw, they had an amazing time. It was very much a Woodstock type of gathering. I didn't hear from Michael at all, except a curteousy text saying that they had arrived at their destination. That is until Friday. He called to tell me that he had ripped his pants and wanted to know if I could sew them up. To hear him tell me how it happened was just priceless. Something about rockin' out really hard and then jumping caused his pants to rip from the crotch to the knee. I assured him I could get new pants but wasn't even going to try to sew up an old pair of jeans that had been cut off to long short. No.

Gosh. And that was only June!

So Here We Go

2010-06-20T19:42:00.000-07:00

Life is an ever changing world of emotions and experiences. Throw kids into the mix and it changes even more. If I had ever thought about what I was doing 20 years ago by getting pregnant...ok I would have done it anyway but I wouldn't have wanted to know everything that the next 20 years would hold for me. Today was just another realization of the fact that my children are getting older and moving on with their life and I have no choice but to sit here and watch.

For the last week, it was just me and Jonathan at home. The other kids were on a mission trip to San Antonio where they worked on a few churches and helped with a food pantry and various other acts of service. It was very weird at first. It has been a while since I had a quiet house for longer than, oh, say, three or four hours. This was a full six days of just me and an 11 year old who wasn't going to ask to borrow the car or stay out until 3:00 in the morning. I knew when I went to bed that he was staying inside and would go to bed soon after me. But honestly, it didn't take long for me to find something else to do to keep my mind busy. Imagine that.

They all came home on Saturday. I was so excited to hear the stories and see the pictures of what they had been up to while they were away. They were different - in a good way. There wasn't any fighting or arguing, even with me when they wanted to go out to see the friends they had just left or when I called because it was 11:30 and I wanted to know they were home before I finally fell asleep. This will last a while, I expect. But we are all human and there will be arguing again. For now, things are good. They had great stories to tell and seeing them getting along, well that was priceless.

Today at church it was Mission Sunday. The service focused around the mission group and testimonies were given. Then came the end of the service. Michael was called up front because this was his last official Sunday leading Sunday morning worship. The church was asked to pray for him as he moves on to the next step of his life, playing guitar in the band Mouth of the South. I was trying to be good and not cry but I have been on the verge of tears a lot lately - full of pride for my kids and who they have become. As people started gathering at the front to pray over Michael, I headed up to get a good picture (because that's what moms do - take pictures of everything) and my friend, Tonia, touched my arm and hugged me and the waterworks broke loose. I cried like I have not cried in a long time. After I got home, I thought about how touched I was to have my friend - a friend from high school that I have reconnected with - love me and sympathize with me because she knows exactly what I'm going through. I haven't been held like that to cry in so long I had forgotten what it felt like.

We all need a good hug and a good cry every now and then. Did you know crying is good for you? It's true! Google it!

Amsterdam came to Texas

2010-06-16T12:47:00.000-07:00

One big happy group

This past weekend was definitely the busiest weekend I have had in a long time. Andy and Fred came in on Friday afternoon from Amsterdam and were here until Monday morning when they left for Washington DC. We all met at their hotel in Southlake Friday night and went to dinner at Buca de Beppo. I had already decided what we were going to order because it's served family style and there were eight of us and over half of the group was mine (LOL). It turned out that we had plenty of food and leftovers.

One of the best parts of having Andy and Fred in is when it's gift giving time! They always bring great goodies to us. The kids got t-shirts and stroopwafels. (We all got our own box of these.) Mom got a nice candy dish with licorice to put in there and I got a coffe mug that I took to work so I can learn Dutch while I drink. I also got a cute music box thing that plays "Tulips of Amsterdam". Mom and I also got our own copy of a magazine that published an article written by Andy. There was a lot of candy, too.

Dinner on Friday night

Saturday, while they were visiting with an old high school friend, I was running around getting things for the kids because they were leaving Sunday for a mission trip to San Antonio for seven days. I had been sweating all day long because the humidity was horrible. I was almost ready when they got to my house to pick me up for dinner with other high school friends at Pappadeaux’s. We stopped quickly by mom’s house so they could see her cute new apartment and then it was off to meet friends.

(This is a staged picture of Andy blowing out his birthday candle. Saturday was his birthday.)

The group was a nice mix of people that I don’t usually see at these functions. There was a little bit of pre-drama to the event, but all in all, it went very well and we stayed way longer than anyone expected. It’s always interesting to me to see how people change and how some just do not. It makes me wonder what people think about me. After the evening was over, I was so exhausted but still had to go home and finish getting things together, making sure that everyone had what they needed for the week.

Sunday was church and sending the kids off to San Antonio – but more about that later. Then lunch with my dad, Lene, Uncle Mac and Aunt Ema, and Aunt Mary so Andy and Fred could visit with them, too. I didn’t have to be there, but I wanted to take mom and of course, never pass up a chance to see my extended family. You just never know when you won’t have the chance again. I think that went very well. Fred isn’t much of a talker but he mingled well with Uncle Mac and Aunt Ema. He is such a sweet guy. In these settings, I have noticed he does a great job of just sitting back, letting Andy engage in conversation with his friends and family. He will talk if you bring up conversation but it seems he is good with just sitting back and listening.

(Group shot)

After a nice respite at home, I met Andy and Fred at the hotel for a final dinner, just the three of us, at my request. We had Sushi – a LOT of Sushi and a great time just talking and laughing. It is now Wednesday and I just now feel like I am recovering from all of the parties. It was very worth it. Andy is coming back in October and I hope to make it a less busy but fun-filled time together. I have definitely missed them both but I talk to Andy so much on the phone that it doesn't feel like I have been away from him for any length of time at all.

All Sorts of Excitement

2010-06-09T12:15:00.000-07:00

If anyone ever told me of all the different paths I would take in my life, I might have had second thoughts about a lot of stuff. But thankfully I haven't had an option (or one that was really told to me - or maybe I just didn't listen).

When I was a little girl, I never thought much about getting married although I did think a lot about having children. I just knew that getting married sorta came along with the children so I was ok with that. I didn't have the best example of what a good marriage was but I also didn't think about it much until I was a teenager. It is what is it and I am a better person for where I am now. I just want to be a better example for my kids.

Once the kids came along, I could never seem to see past the age of the oldest child. I am still this way. Michael is 19 and I can't see past any of the other kids being any older than 19. I think it's a protection mechanism that God gives mothers. If we knew what the future would hold we would all NOT have kids or keep them so guarded and protected that they wouldn't even be any good to anyone.

2010 is proving to bring so many changes to our house and it's not even half way through the year yet. I had to move my mom out of her house and into an apartment near me. The situation with her house had become such that she needed a place to start over - by herself except that me and the kids are just a couple of steps away. When we moved in November I was thinking that would be it for a LONG time - until my Mr. Almost Right came along to move me with movers and packers and all that fun stuff. Hahahaha Anyway, mom is happy and getting settled in her new home and really enjoys that we are just around the corner.

Michael was asked about a month ago to be the lead guitar player for a band call Mouth of the South. They are a christian progressive heavy metal band. I am so happy for him because I know this is something he would love doing. By the way, I found this out on Mother's Day.....He has been in a few concerts and will play in Austin, TX tonight at The Garage @ Gateway Church. As a mom, it's a bit scary to think of your child going on with several other "boys" to go play in a band. Yes they are all adults and yes they are good kids, but I am still his mom and I still worry.

This Sunday, Michael, Alyssa and Benjamin will be going on a mission trip with the church to San Antonio to help with a Methodist church or two down there. I don't know everything they will be doing but I am very excited for all of them. It's an opportunity to do some community service work for people who are not as fortunate as us. While we do not have a lot, my kids want for nothing - EVER. They have never missed a meal because we didn't have food. They have never not had a bed to sleep in. They have always had two parents who loved them and a host of grandparents, aunts and uncles who would give their life for them. They people they will be ministering to may not be able to say that. I just pray that all of the kids and adults that are going will be blessed beyond measure and will return home with amazingly wonderful, life changing stories.

It's All About Accomplishments With Us Lately

2010-05-25T12:18:00.000-07:00

Band try-outs for 2010-2011 were a week ago. Ben has set very high standards for himself and I will admit, I used to get a little worried about his expectations. Last year he insisted that he make first band or he would not be happy. Knowing the competition and what it would take to make first band with Bell, I was hesitant, even though he is very good at his instrument. He did not disappoint. He made 3rd chair first band, beating out all juniors and three seniors for that spot. He was one of only five sophomores to even make the first band.

This year, knowing all of the seniors would be gone, he just HAD to make first chair. After all, he went to All State this year. He is really good. This year, I knew he could do it. And - he did. My son, a junior, made first chair, first band with L.D. Bell. I wanted to take him to dinner or something but he had been asked to go to the choir banquet, so there was not going to be dinner. We did go get him some music on Saturday. He wants to go ahead and get a head start on the All State music, although I am not sure he knows exactly which one it is, he does know the book it will come out of.

As I always do, I made an announcement about this on my Facebook and immediately got a message from a friend of mine from high school. Her son is going into the 6th grade next year and in their school district they start band in middle school. He is going to be playing the trombone and she asked if Ben would be interested in teaching her son a little bit about the horn before school starts. My first reaction was that he should learn along with all of the other kids just like Michael and Alyssa did. We were told not to let the kids touch their instrument over the summer or they would get bored in class when school started. Ben, however, had the trombone that I learned with and immediately picked it up and started learning to play by ear before he started 7th grade and look at him now.

He was more than eager to say that he would definitely like to teach and began to spout to me about what all he needed and what he wanted to do to help this boy get started. He definitely has the teach gene.

Congratulations Ben! I am very proud of you!!

The Family Pet and Mother's Day

2010-05-13T10:05:00.000-07:00

So, I am going to admit right up front, this is being written after the actual date. I had started writing this and then lost the whole thing. Along with everything else going on with me, I just go so defeated that I couldn't go back and rewrite it - until now. I have been given a slight hint that I need to blog, so here I go.

The above picture is our family pet, Little Buster. He is technically Jonathan's fish that he purchased with his birthday money back in January. He was going to get two gold fish and somehow his sister talked him into getting a Beta fish. I let Jonathan keep the fish in his room for about two weeks. It only took a few days before, as he had the fish bowl on the floor while he was playing with his Lego's, he knocked the bowl over and poor LB was on the floor. Then, before too long, I found the poor fish inside a cabinet, a dark cabinet, because his bowl was in the way of his Lego army war. I had to intervene. He now resides on the kitchen counter where I feed him every day and every night - unless I gently remind Jonathan to feed the fish.

On another note, I had a really great Mother's Day. There wasn't a whole lot going on, just church in the morning and a quick run through Taco Bueno because I wanted to get home, while I had all the kids in my possession, and have them do the laundry for me. I have to admit that I do all the laundry. It's an obsession of mine and because we don't have a working washing machine, we take everything to the apartment laundry room and get it all done at once. I am a bit OCD about folding and putting away, but on this day I let them do everything - except my clothes, of course. Michael informed me that he had been asked to be the guitar player in a christian heavy metal band called Mouth of the South. This means he will be traveling to Illinois this summer as they are going on tour for a little bit. Alyssa gave me a few great things from Bath and Body Works and Jonathan gave me a card he made at school. Later that day, Ben handed me a hand written note telling me what a great mom I was, which made me cry.

Things aren't always easy around my house, but every now and then I do feel more appreciated than I ever thought I could.

National Honor Society Induction

2010-05-04T11:33:00.000-07:00

Last night was believed to have been a first in our house. My beautiful daughter, Alyssa, was inducted into the National Honor Society. It was truly such a proud moment for me as her mother. My parents were all there along with the rest of the kids and her dad's side of the family. I couldn't help but tear up a little when the Keynote speaker, Mr. Wooley, Teacher of the Year, acknowledged the parents of the kids that were there. I can honestly say that Alyssa is very independent and works by herself on her projects. I don't remember that she has asked for my help on anything after elementary school. She makes excellent grades and gets her work turned in on time.

As far as I know, there hasn't been another NHS member from my parents on down until Alyssa. She has great aspirations for herself, and with her academic accomplishments, I anticipate that she will receive a full-ride scholarship somewhere great! If all goes as planned, she will graduate with NHS and IB on her diploma. Forgive me if I am repeating myself, but she has shown interest in Stephen F. Austin. I hope to do some college touring this summer and into the fall of 2010 so that we can get started on the college applications. I know, because she is just like her mother, that she wants to go somewhere away from Tarrant and surrounding counties. That's just fine with me. I want her to continue on the road of independence.

As we were sitting there last night, listening to each of the current officers of the NHS give their speach about the five characteristics that you must have to be apart of this prestigious group, I was so impressed just knowing that my child has accomplished and is still working on accomplishing many of these characteristics. The upcoming president of the NHS spoke. It was an amazing speech. I kept thinking, this is my daughter's peer. She was so well spoken. Then they had each student's name announced as they walked across the stage to receive their certificate of acceptance. I began to notice just how many of these kids have gone to school with my kids since elementary school. What an accomplishment each and every one of them has made to get to this point in their lives. There were a hand full of Seniors but mostly Juniors. They have one more year of high school (and a few more weeks of this year).

It's a bit daunting if I keep thinking about it, so I am going to stop now. I love you my sweet Alyssa. I love you and am so incredibly proud of you. Mom

I'm SOOO Excited and I Just Can't Hide It!!

2010-05-01T06:15:00.000-07:00

For many of you who have read my blog, you know that I refer to my brother, Andy, quite a lot. Some of you may even know him. He's the one on the left if the picture above. Fred is his husband (cutie on the right). Well, it has been almost four years now since they came to Texas. It has been a year and a half or so since I have seen them. This picture was taken at their wedding in September of 2008. I was there. It was a very fast trip but one I would do again in a heartbeat.

I have known for just a little bit that they were planning to come to the states and that it would mean a trip to Texas. I didn't want to say anything (i.e. I was told not to) until the plans were firmly made. Well, the good news is that the flights have been booked and they will be here on June 9th!!!!! I am glad I didn't have any news before now because it's been all I can do not to tell my kids. They L.O.V.E. their Uncle Andy, even though they haven't seen him very many times in their lives, they hear me talk about him and talk to him every now and then on the phone and they love him across the ocean SO much!

As the kids and I are rarely in the same room or car at the same time, I told Benjamin and Jonathan yesterday on the way to school. They were very excited and Ben asked if they were going to stay with us. He would just love to have them there 24/7 as would I, but no, we live in a small apartment and there are five of us as it is. They are men who are not used to being around children. I work for a hotel company. I get them a hotel so that they can have their very own space WAY away from the rest of the family. We will have our own time with them and I believe a small high school reunion of sorts. Alyssa and Michael found out today and are very stoked about getting to spend time with their favorite Uncles!

We are also going to take this opportunity to discuss the situation with my mom. She and I went to dinner the other day for her birthday and she just seems to be going downhill so fast. Our family is not known for long life, i.e. living past early 80. My mom just turned 76, which is the same age her mother was when she deteriorated quickly and passed away. Getting all of us, minus our mom, in the same room to discuss this is going to be a feat in and of itself. Thankfully we have more than a month to get a game plan together. It's gonna be tough either way. I'm just so thrilled that Andy and Fred will be here in person. Talking to him every week is fun and hearing Fred say "Hi back" always makes me giggle, but I want to see them and hug them.

Saturday School

2010-04-23T08:16:00.000-07:00

So far, 2010 has taken me in a different direction I wasn’t prepared for. After six years of a regular, consistent visitation schedule, I no longer have that. I don’t want to sound like I don’t love having my kids around, but anyone who is a parent can attest to the fact that having a day or two or sometimes a week or a month alone, (i.e. not having to worry about the safety and welfare of your child/children), and then suddenly, without warning – it’s gone….never to return…can be a bit daunting on the emotions. That’s what has happened to me. I truly love my children and would never ever give them up for anything in the world, but I am tired of finding the only place I can be alone is in my room. When I lived in the duplex, I always sat in my room because I didn’t really like the rest of the house. Now that I am in the apartment, I have really enjoyed being able to sit in the den and watch TV or work on the computer. It’s not that I can’t do that now, but it’s just not the same when people are constantly coming in and out of the house, doing homework and occasionally fighting. Gosh I feel horrible just putting these thoughts into words, but as a single parent, you do find that the one main benefit of divorce, if you are lucky enough, is that the children will go spend two weekends a month with the other parent. I was completely prepared for the gradual decline of this event, but not for it to completely come to a stop. At least I’m still getting child support and I live with the hope it will start up again one day.

The picture is of some shoes I ordered recently. If you don’t know about this site, it’s www.tomsshoes.com and what you do it go on there, order a pair of canvas shoes, lots of colors to choose from and it will cost you about $50 on the low end. Then, “Tom” donates a pair of shoes to a child in need of a pair of shoes. They are a little tight on the feet right now, but are already stretching out and will be perfect after this weekend. I am just so excited to have my own pair and help someone out in the process. I was thinking what a great Christmas gift this would make for the kids. Michael already has a pair and Ben wants a pair. I don’t know if we will make it until Christmas.

Tomorrow is a school make-up day for the district because of the two big snows we have had. The first make-up day was on Good Friday. Tomorrow is only a half day and probably a good fun day for the kids. I am certain attendance will not be at all normal as most kids aren’t concerned about loosing one school day – especially when it’s a Saturday. But, my kids will be there because we have exemptions to worry about. Jonathan will just go because, well, let’s face it, we live right across from the school and he doesn’t need to sleep in anyway. This does mean that I will have to get up though. The question is, will I come home and go back to bed or will I enjoy being alone in the house and start cleaning. I will let you know.

The Ones We Love

2010-04-19T18:16:00.000-07:00

When did it snow? Around Valentine's Day. That's the same weekend my Aunt Nell discovered that my Aunt Mary wasn't doing so well. She had called to check on her. My Aunt Nell was married to my dad's brother, Uncle Roy. He passed away about 5 years ago. Aunt Nell and Aunt Mary go to church together and, being both widows and related, they check up on each other. It's not an every day thing, but this one particular day, Aunt Nell felt like she needed to make sure Mary was doing ok. It was that day that it just snowed for like 12 hours straight.

She could tell something wasn't right, a stroke or something. Aunt Nell is a nurse. She knows these things. Aunt Nell called my dad and 911, not sure in what order, but anyway, Aunt Mary was taken to the hospital. It took a few days, but eventually, the tests came back. She had cancer in her brain and a few other places in her body. She is terminal. They have done the radiation and are about to finish up Keimo this month. I wanted to take this opportunity to share some of my memories I have of my Aunt Mary. This may be long, but she is a wonderful woman and has always been a sweet, wonderful aunt.

When I was little, I remember my Aunt Mary and Uncle Dick coming over to the house. They lived in Rockwall and we were in Hurst. It was always a time we stopped what we were doing. Uncle Dick worked on TV's (or so my memory tells me). I remember that they both smoked and in our house that was something rebellious. We never knew that my dad smoked until my oldest brother was born. We never saw him smoke anyway. My mom told me that Aunt Mary gave me a really cute dress for my first birthday. It was from Neiman-Marcus and dry clean only. I think I still have it somewhere. It wasn't the norm for us growing up.

When I got married and started having kids, I had more of a relationship with Aunt Mary. She never had children of her own. She had stepchildren, I learned later, but I don't remember us ever having any interaction. She was that Aunt that would doate over her nieces and nephews. She was always so generous with my kids, giving gifts for ever occassion - birth, Christmas, birthdays...it was something we looked forward to. When we couldn't provide anything for our kids, Aunt Mary was always there to give them something and they always loved it. She took time to find out what they liked, what they were into, and she would give accordingly.

There was the time when Uncle Dick was very sick and she couldn't come around at all. I believe she was even taking care of her mother-in-law who was very sick as well. Uncle Dick had emphasema for a long time and Aunt Mary quit smoking when that happened. The day before his funeral I found out I was pregnant with Benjamin. I remember telling my cousin, Mary Lou, at the funeral but hadn't even told my dad. I wasn't sure how the family would handle it because Alyssa was only 5 month old and sick. I was sure they rolled their eyes. My cousin Jack's wife Ann was expecting their only child, Chris. It was a little awkward but I know Aunt Mary felt a little relief not having to care for someone sick anymore.

Now it's her turn to receive the love and care that she gave to her husband and mother-in-law all those years. She stayed with my Aunt Nell throughout the radiation treatments and then, once the first Keimo treatment was done, she wanted to go home. My dad and his wife had prepared a room for her so she could come live with them. The doctor didn't want her living alone. My dad and Aunt Mary have always been close. She wants to go live at her house with her cats, that's where she is going. My dad isn't going to force her to do what she wasn't comfortable doing. No matter what. Dad drives out to Rockwell on an almost daily basis (if not every day) from North Richland Hills. Lene goes with him most of the time if she isn't needed at work. I can't imagine how hard that is on both of them, but when you do something out of love you just do it.

That's Aunt Mary in the picture (obviously) with a hat that Andy knit for her and how cute is she that she matches the workout suit that her sister, Aunt Ema, gave her? There will come a day, too soon I'm afraid, that Aunt Mary will no longer be on this earth, but we are certain she will be in a better place. She is and always will be loved. Don't forget to tell the ones you love how much you love them. You never know when they will be gone.

My Thoughts on Facebook

2010-04-16T12:24:00.000-07:00

So, I have some thoughts about Facebook that I thought I would share. I hope I do not offend anyone or make anyone uncomfortable. I am honestly not sure who reads this, although I know that several people out there do. I wish it was hundreds, but several works for me.

Several years ago I became a MySpace-aholic. That was more than just a way to keep up with my kids or friends. It was a way to get dates, at first. Then it pretty much just became about keeping up with my kids and their friends. I had heard about Facebook (FB from here on out) and that it was for college students. Then suddenly the people I was friends with on MySpace began moving to FB. Being the rebel that I can be (hahaha) I was absolutely not switching. I wasn't going to make a profile. I wasn't even going there.

Yeah, so I did, obviously. I dug my heals in at first, not liking the set up because it was absolutely nothing like MySpace and I just couldn't get used to it. BUT, my brother was on there so it pushed me to keep trying to like it if I was going to communicate with him and help him keep up with me and the kids. I trudged through and got used to it and then they changed things, which frustrated me, and then they changed things again. Now, about two years later, I am about to delete my MySpace account because I just never go there. I am totally "addicted" to FB.

It has allowed me to get back into contact with people that I grew up with, family and coworkers. It amazes me how many people I have been able to find on there. The other thing that amazes me is how people update their status. I, myself, try to say something random or funny to make people think or laugh. It usually works, unless I say something that can be taken as TMI or just sad, i.e. "I'm perfectly lonely cause I don't belong to anyone, and nobody belongs to me." I was just quoting a John Mayer song and certain people thought I was depressed or something. While that line does describe the way I feel sometimes, I just like the song itself.

The other day, my son posted something that got a small discussion started between his friends. It said, "I think that facebook updates are things that give us false feelings that someone cared, but honestly how many ppl see your status and actually care what you have to say..." I would definitely have to agree with that statement. I do tend to update my status to see how many people I can get to "like" it or comment on it. I rarely put random stuff that no one is interested in and on occassion, I will put something that makes people gasp (or so I imagine). One thing you will not see me do it update my relationship status. That is like ending your relationship right then and there. I only did it twice and seriously, I knew better AND it was me who ended the relationship I was so happily announcing.

I also went through and deleted a bunch of people and have come to a "max friends" rule. 200 is all I want. I honestly don't think I personally know 200 people on FB and if I do, do I know them are they just aquaintences? That's all my thoughts for now. My brain is empty. ;)

Say It's Your Birthday! No Way!

2010-04-14T07:12:00.000-07:00

How is it that just yesterday I was 18 and having fun and now I have a daughter who is 17? The great thing about this birthday is that it was really low key. I have been waiting for the day that she wouldn't want every girl that she ever even talked to to come over and have this huge party. Now we have boys/couples going to a movie and hanging out at the house. I'm good with this because I know the boys and the couples and would much prefer them be at my house than someone else's.

As you see in the picture, there is (L)Riley, Melina and Alyssa at the table with (L) Jeremiah (Melina's boyfriend and Jason's best friend - how convenient) and Jason on the couch. Riley's boyfriend had to leave pretty quickly after they got back to the house. They had gone to see "Date Night" after school and then came back to the house for pizza and cake. It was a school night so not a lot of anything late.

When I look at my daughter and I think back when I was 17, I think what a great relationship we have - so much better than I had with my mom - ever. My mom is sweet but growing up we were never so close that I felt like I could tell her anything and she is so unemotional that she just lives in the moment and blocks anything bad out. Now, I love my mother but just want to be a much more open mother to my kids. I want to be approachable and honest at any turn. Sometimes my kids probably don't appreciate my complete honesty, but they get it anyway.

As for a gift, I haven't done anything yet. I asked her what she wanted and she just isn't sure yet. That's fine with me because you know, birthday's are meant to be stretched out. It's pretty nice to have a kid who isn't into massive name brands or major shopping. I think we will go shopping this weekend and see what we can find. I am very proud of my daughter and the woman she is becoming. She works very hard in school and has goals and ambitions for college and a career. I have said it before and I will say it again, I wasn't sure if I would be a good mom for a daughter, but I think I've done pretty well. She laughs at my jokes and thinks I'm just funny almost all the time. Can't beat that now, can ya?! I love you Alyssa Louise Nobles. You make me very proud!

Easter and Stuff

2010-04-06T07:55:00.000-07:00

This year was the first Easter in quite a while, probably 6 years, that I have had my kids with me. Usually, for some reason, their visitation always feel on their dad's weekend. Since that isn't an issue anymore, they are with the for all holidays, which makes me happy.

The picture above just makes me smile. I posted this on my Facebook page on Sunday and I get a call from my brother who just loved the individuality of each of the kids. This picture really does show how each of them are in every day life. They each have a personality of their own, and yes, Alyssa and Ben are really that close, Michael is also "that cool" and Jonathan, well, yes, he is that silly. I had them stop at the front door for a picture. They started to do the line up and get situated until I said, "Not formal. Be silly." This is what I got.

I love this time of year. It definitely has to be my favorite in terms of weather and smells in the air. Being able to open up the windows or sit outside and not feel like you are going to freeze to death or instantaniously combust because of the heat - you can't beat that. Last night, I sat at the pool with Jonathan and his friend, Nahir (who lives upstairs and is in class with him) at the pool so that they could "sit in the hot tub". This turned into them jumping into the pool and the hot tub. All I could say was, "Don't swallow that nasty water. I got sick once when I swallowed nasty pool water." How motherly was that of me? They were having fun and getting all that energy out - they weren't listening to me.

Easter is about new life, Jesus Christ and all things holy. For my family, I feel like this is certainly a time of renewal and change. Enjoy the changes and grow from them.

National Honor Society?!?!

2010-04-02T12:20:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure if you know it or not, but my kids are really smart! I was just happy to graduate from high school. Back then (hahaha) they were really just starting to award different levels of graduation. Now you can actually graduate with college credits. Alyssa has been in the International Baccalaureate program this year. If she completes all of the requirements at the end of her Senior year next year, she will graduate with this honor AND....yesterday, she received her acceptance into the National Honor Socitey! I was so excited for her.

She told me that she had to write an essay, and while I may possibly remember her writing the essay, she is such an independant worker that I never know what her homework may be for. She works so hard on her school work and unfortunately, I don't recognize that as much as I should. She even tutors her boyfriend, which I think is very sweet and helpful because we do want him to graduate as well.

This makes me think back to when she was a baby and she was so sick we thought she might die. She had pertusos for 7 months and it was the longest 7 months of my life. I remember thinking, "She will never be 2!" That's as far into the future as I could see at that time because Michael was 2 and I didn't know what it was like having a child any older than 2. In two weeks she will be 17. Having a daughter has brought a joy to my life that I never could have imagined. I love all of my children, but I never thought I would be a good mom fora girl. I think she would disagree.

My, How Time Passes

2010-04-01T10:30:00.000-07:00

So my brother, Andy, started blogging again - after a small reprieve. I knew I had not blogged in a very long time but I didn't realize it had been almost a month! So this is just going to be an update as to my last post, but, like Andy, I will make a more concerted effort to blog on a more daily basis.

So, things with school have gotten so much better. I spent a Saturday evening with some "school teacher" friends of mine, talking about how Jonathan was really struggling to keep up and how frustrated I was with the teachers. I had been in contact with the principal and vice-principal and counselor but still wasn't confident about the situation. Oneof them said to me, "Has he ever been tested for ADD?" Now, let me tell you, this strikes fear in my heart for someone to even mention that about one of my kids. Not because it's a bad thing, but because of my experience with children I have taught that have been on medication for ADD or ADHD. They were out of control one minute and zombies the next minute. I always felt so horrible for them.

That next Monday, I emailed the school counselor and asked her if she could help - where do I go now? She sent me a very short form of questions that I filled out. She also sent one to his homeroom teacher. They compared our scores and made an accessment. During spring break I took him to the doctor so that we could all talk about his inability to stay focused in school and about a vitamin for his brain. I think the fact that we were addressing this with the doctor made him feel better immediately. So we put him on a very low dose of medicine that has made a world of difference with him and school. Friday of last week he came home with a sticker on a sticker, which means that he gets to bring a drink and snack to school the next Monday. When he left for school this morning, he said, "Mom!! I may get another sticker on a sticker today because I haven't done anything bad all week!"

This makes me want to cry, happy and sad at the same time. It wasn't that he was doing anything bad in the first place, he just couldn't stay focused long enough to get his work done in class and then he would talk when he wasn't supposed to. He's not a hyper, out-of-control child. He just has a problem staying on task. That's it. And now, he is doing so much better and we are all so relieved!

School Struggles and Frustrations

2010-03-02T13:58:00.000-08:00

Going back many years, I once home schooled my older three children. They also went to a school of sorts. It was a school for home schooled children. Oxymoron you say? Yes, well the premis was that you would take them there for the not so core classes such as Science and History, Music and Arts, two days a week and they would get their core studies at home. This worked out well for everyone involved. The kids needed some interaction with other children and adults and in this school setting, it wasn't supposed to be "as harmful" as public school. Eventually, they began offering the core classes the other two days of the week, half days, leaving Friday as a no school day - or don't go to school day.

I did this until we moved to Bedford. We had already signed the kids up for the following school year at WOLCA, but I didn't waste one minute checking into the public school once the summer was over. I went up there, children in tow, met with the principal and made my needs known. This was an option, but I had heard good things about the school and I grew up in the school district, so I was confident that my children were prepared and would receive the best education possible. They began public school the very next fall. Michael was in 5th grade, Alyssa was in 3rd, Ben was in 2nd and Jonathan was in preschool where I started teaching the 1st grade at WOLCA. It worked out perfectly!

Fast forward two years and I am in the throws of a divorce. My world was turned upside down by my own hands and now I had to figure out how to get a full time job and be a full time parent. Jonathan was in PreK at this point. It wasn't until the next fall that he would start Kindergarten. I wasn't worried because this was public school, a great school district with high marks. Certainly they would do right by my son, since I had to work and wasn't able to home school him, too. Right? Well, maybe not.

(Now, I do not want to offend anyone here, so please just know this is coming from a mom who loves her children and doesn't like to see them or anyone else mistreated.)

Kindergarten was good and he loved going. He wasn't an excelled student but he did fine. He struggled with reading, but kids do that, right? First grade he had a wonderful teacher who would take him under her "wing" and work with him on reading, even tutoring him and a few other kids after school twice a week. Second grade, another great teacher who was more like a grandma to him, loving him and doing her best to teach him, trying to figure out his learning pattern. Third grade is probably where the disaster started. He had a young teacher who was not at all sympathetic to my situation. She lumped all students into one basket and since my son didn't fit that basket, he got yelled at and disciplined more than he got praised. Fourth grade we are back on track with a familiar teacher from Ben's time. She loved and took care of Jonathan, helping him to like school even though the "I hate school" was setting in fast - very fast.

Now we are in fifth grade. This is where they "prepare" the kids for jr. high. Or is it the year they knock down any self-esteem a child may have left? We are still trying to figure that out. Of the teachers he has this year, two of them also have 5th graders at the school and magically enough, they are in their mother's classes. (Bitter party of one!) The 5th graders go to all three teachers during the day for different subjects.

I should interject my position at the moment. Take it as an excuse if you want, this is how I see my situation. I am a single mother of four children, three teenagers and a pre-teen. I have no support. No "other parent" that works with me regarding schooling of any of the kids. My two middle teenagers are self starters, always have been. I believe this came with me spending quality time with them when they were learning the basics. I may be wrong, but that's what I believe. Michael struggled when he was first learning with me and he struggled when he first went to public school. In fact, he struggled until he got to high school and then it just seemed to click. Maybe this is the path I am on with Jonathan.

If you are a teacher or deal with children and you are reading this, please know that every word you say is either a knife to their heart or a little puff of air to their spirit. I'm not referring to teenagers, unless they just seem beaten down with life. You may have to dig REALLY deep to find something positive, but tell them for God sake! What is the saying? Words cut like a knife! They do. So, please, talk nice to people. Be a blessing to them. I believe it was Peter Rabbits mom who said, "If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all."

Motherhood is an Ever Changing Life

2010-02-26T09:27:00.000-08:00

I hope our youth director doesn't mind me posting a picture of her daughter on my blog, but this is one of the sweetest pictures I could come up with at the moment. This is my now 19 year old son holding Xaris. This is the "love" of his life and shows how great a dad he will be - at least when they are little and if he doesn't have to get up with them in the middle of the night...ok he's a good cuddle buddy for now.

So Michael turned 19 on February 19, 2010. This is his “Golden Birthday”. I remember his very first birthday. I had it planned for WEEKS and maybe even months. I have always been pretty big on birthdays because it’s the one day of the year that is (hopefully) truly only yours. I know that each one of my kids does not share a birthday with anyone in our immediate family. There are some that are very close, especially in April, but we all have our own special day.

This year was just different for Michael. He turned 19. He has a life of his own. I wasn’t sure if he was going to hang out with friends or if I was going to get to plan a party for him. It was a little traumatic for me. When I found out that his dad had been planning a party for him and he wasn’t sure how to tell me, I will admit that my feelings were more than hurt. I am his mom. I went through all the almost 9 months and delivery and late nights and all that. Wasn’t it mine to take? Wasn’t it supposed to be me who was planning his birthday party and having his friends at my house and all that?

Apparently not. And I am now ok with that. I have to realize that my children are growing up and moving on. There will be a day when they don’t live with me on their birthday and they will probably be living somewhere else, even out of town or state…or country. How do you go from having a birthday party for your baby to just calling and/or sending a card with a present? I don’t know. I want to know, but I am going to have to go down that journey on my own and in time, I will learn how it works.

A proud moment for me was Sunday when our pastor acknowledged how proud he was of Michael and how he has stepped up to the job of leading the church in worship every Sunday morning. I got a pat on the back from my friend sitting behind me and I got compliments from other parents after church. That is something I get a lot actually…about all of my kids. It’s a proud moment and a sad one at the same time…when you realize that your children are doing what they were raised to do…grow up to be good people, move on and out and have a life of their own.

ANOTHER Snow Day

2010-02-17T16:10:00.001-08:00

It doesn't snow very often in Texas...or does it? Thursday, February 11, 2010, it started snowing at about 3:00 am and did not stop until Friday morning at about 2:00 am. We got over a foot of snow and I'm not talking about the icey crap we usually get. I'm talking good snowman building snow! I wish had more pictures of snowmen around the city, but I don't. This one was built by someone unknown to me at our apartment complex. We were sent home early from the office and I decided not to go in on Friday. I needed a break and this would give me a four day weekend. As beautiful as the snow was, the slush just about got to me. I would much rather be cold than hot, though.

This was taken by the mailbox to kind of give you an idea how much snow we got. I have seen some pretty snows here but not like this and not in a very long time. I don't know think this is the same snow that came from up north. It's just this crazy weather. There is a saying in Texas, "If you don't like the weather, just wait 24 hours. It will change." The worst part about all of this was that my laundry pile grew to probaby four times the normal size just because we aren't equipped at all to be out in this kind of snow. Every jacket and pair of gloves we have are cloth. I quit buying the big heavy coats many, many years ago. It makes me wonder if, now that the kids are probably about done growing (except Jonathan) should we make that investment. I still think this was a complete flook and we won't be seeing this again for a very long time. But that's just me.

Valentine's Day Celebration

2010-02-15T10:32:00.000-08:00

If you know me very well, you know that this is not one of my favorite "holidays". I used to love it-before I was tarnished by life. This year, the church held their very first Valentine's Day Banquet. Being the musical family that we are, Michael and Benjamin transformed into singer from by-gone years and performed some goodies but oldies. And, if I do say so myself, they did a darn good job! In the top picture, Michael is performing.......by the Monkeys.

Benjamin and Mallory actually opened the show with a performance of the Frank Sinatra hit "LOVE". Don't they make a really cute couple? Too bad she has a boyfriend!

Then there was the "Elvis" Michael. I wish he hadn't had the paper with the lyrics on it constantly up at his face, but it was a good performans anyway. I believe someone recorded the whole show, which included many other groups and performers. If so, I will have a copy of that very soon! I had one lady come up afterwards and ask if my other two children were as musically talented as Michael and Benjamin. You know what? They are. They just don't want to get up in front of anyone and sing. Alyssa has a beautiful voice and I only know this because she sings when she has her iPod in her ears. Jonathan also has a good singing voice, but again, doesn't want to do it in front of anyone. I would love to have us all sing together one day - wishful thinking.

This was probably the best way to spend a Valentine's Day that I could have ever thought of.

Jazz Band 2010

2010-02-10T10:25:00.000-08:00

Benjamin is going to college to become a band director - in a few years. He is incredibly focused on music and, I have to say, very good at it. At Bell, he has the opportunity to take a Jazz Band class along with his other band class. Michael took this class last year. It is very enjoyable for the parents, because, for their final they have a concert.

While I have attended many, many....many band concerts in my day, I have to say that the Jazz Band concert is definitely the most enjoyable of anything I have had the priviledge to attend (sense the sarcasm here). This year was no different.

They perform four songs and in between each song, they give a little jazz history about the person who wrote the next song they are about to play. They have trumpets, trombones, saxaphones, a pianist, drummer, bass guitar player and a "regular" guitar player. They also throw in a singer for one song, which is always fun. You don't get that at a regular band concert.

This year, as with last year, they perform (insert song here) in which several of the students step out and play their own jazzy solo. I don't know what it is about my kids that they don't want to give me a heads up about this stuff, but Ben had a solo to perform as well. I overheard Michael telling his friend. That's how I found out....anyway, it was really good and, from what I could tell (and he confirmed later) he "nailed it". I can't tell you the sense of pride I get when I see my children performing.

I can't help but imagine the day that I go see him direct his first band. I know that is many years away, but it will be such a proud moment for me - just like it was the first time I heard him play.

Thinking

2010-02-03T10:14:00.000-08:00

My posts have been slow as of late, so I was just sitting here thinking about what I could write about. I'm sure " you all" love hearing about all the things my kids do, and believe me, there are things coming up, but this post is about me.

Recently, I have been putting myself in "time-out" alot. I have made mention of this on my Facebook, which has gotten me some funny comments from friends of mine. So I thought maybe I could just do a little talking about this. When the kids were little, they would get put in time out. Now that they are older, I just decided to start putting myself in time-out. It seems to work really well, although I have a feeling that if I over do it, I won't get as big of a reaction from the kids.

In my house, we have pretty much an open door policy. The boys have always had to share a room (well for the last 6 years anyway) and Alyssa has always had her own room. In the duplex, we actually entered the house from the garage into my room through one of the two back doors. My rooms was more like the living room than the living room was. It was great to have that during the adjustment of going through the divorce. We were able to just spend time together. Now that we are in the apartment, I have my room back and the kids are respectful of that.

That being said, I have come up with a way to keep myself from getting frustrated in front of my kids. I just put myself in my room, tell the kids that they can't come in until I open the door, shut the door and think about whatever it is that is frustrating me at the moment. My friends get a real kick out of it, but my bet is that they are trying the same thing at their house.

I will be catching up on my posts so keep lookin' out for updates!

A Baptism and A Brithday

2010-01-15T09:09:00.000-08:00

This week started off with the busy weekend turn around trip to Odessa. Sunday morning, we had to get to church a little earlier because Jonathan was getting baptized during the very first part of the service. This was January 10, Baptism Sunday. The other kids were all baptized in a swimming pool because the church we went to when they were this age was a non-denominational, very nontraditional church. They had a baptism on wheels. During the summer though, they would have a church gathering at a local pool center and do baptisms there. Usually, it was also right after church camp, which meant more children had asked to be baptized.

Benjamin was "re-baptized" a few years ago at FUMC. I'm really not sure why he chose to do that, but it was fine with me. It helped introduce me to the church and probably played a big part in why I started going there. It reminds me of the way I was baptized, in the church baptism, standing on the stood and having to put your feet under the bar so that, when you were "dunked" your feet didn't go flying.

The whole family was there to support Jonathan. It was a really nice day for him and a great prelude to his 11th birthday.....which was that Thursday. He had already had a party with friends when he was with his dad the weekend before (while we were in Odessa) so I just decided to get some pizza and a cake and have my parents over. I have to say, it was probably the most relaxed time I have had with family in a very long time. I don't have a kitchen table yet, so we just sat around on the couch, floor, wherever and had a little pizza and some cake and opened gifts.

I can't believe he is already 11 years old. He has grown up so much and I am so proud of him. The way he thinks is so interesting. For example, the church had started this Wednesday night class for kids his age.(If anyone from there reads this, please do not be offended by this next part.) He went a couple of times but really didn't like it. When I asked him why he said, "It needs color." So, of course, I said, "What do you mean?" He said, "you know, like when something is fun there is a lot of color in the room. There is no color in the class. It's all very black and white." I asked him if he told anyone that and he said he did. It just seemed too much like school, so he doesn't go anymore. Hopefully, it will get better and he can go back. Next year he will be in 6th grade and I think that's when he will be allowed to go to the youth classes. Wow, that is incredible that I just wrote that.

I have to say I am not one of those parents who reminisces about the past and how my children were when they were little. I do think about it, but not like I wish they were little again. I like that my kids are growing up and moving on with having their own lives. I believe that is our job as parents - to raise children who are capable and willing to move out and have a life of their own. I want to be included in a small way into the life they create for themselves. I want to be welcomed into it, but I also want there to come a day that I am on my own again and hopefully, I will have someone special to spend that time with.

As you can see by the picture, Jonathan has a fascination with his grampa's hat. He finally got brave enough to ask him if he could put it on.

The Road to All State

2010-01-11T07:14:00.000-08:00

Four years ago, I would have never thought that when I "forced" Ben to play the trombone that he would be as talented as he has turned out to be. That's not to say I don't believe in my children, I just know I NEVER played my trombone as well as he has played his. I guess I never thought I would produce such talented kids!

This past weekend, my Mom, Dad and stepmother all took a trip to Odessa to support Ben on his quest to be in the Texas All State band. He went with the 15 kids from Bell along with the Bell Choir and Trinity Band and Choir kids who were auditioning as well. It was a long trip down and back with not a lot happening in between. Saturday was spent mostly sitting and waiting and listening to a high school cafeteria of incredibly talented kids practicing for their chance to say they are the best in the state.

As we were all standing there, staring at the wall of results, waiting for the result poster to walk through the door, Ben's private lesson teacher walked up to him and his trombone friend, Rebecca, and told them their results. It lessened the blow, which I think was very sweet. Rebecca is a senior and missed the mark by one chair. Ben missed it by eight chairs, but he is a sophomore and has two more years to try again.

The ride home was fun with Ben in the middle of me and my mom in the back of the car. He got some special attention and one on one time with the grandparents. We were the only parents from HEB there, which did surprise me, but I would do it again next year. Anything to support my kids.

What do I say now?

2010-01-06T10:19:00.000-08:00

For some reason, it's always in the back of my mind that I need to blog. Just in case someone, other than my wonderful brother, reads this, I should put something endearing and thought-provoking here on a daily or every other daily basis. Today I have nothing but I have a need to write. I decided to go searching through blogger.com and look at other blogs to see what other people right about. They have this section called "Blogs of Note". Whenever I go through there and click on a blog that has an interesting title, the subject at hand doesn't interest me. Maybe it's just me.

There seems to be so much going on in my world and yet, nothing I can really talk about. Except that I will be going to Odessa, along with my dad, his wife and my mother, to go support Ben as he trys out for a spot in the All-State Band - but that's for another post. The other stuff is personal stuff that one really shouldn't air in public but that, if I am to stay sane, really want to talk about. It's that kinda stuff that you think, "Why? Why are some people so dang hard to get along with? Why can't we just all think about who we are doing this for and quit putting our own personal screw ups and worries into and just be a friggin' adult? WHY?"

Then there is the topic of relationships. I am divorced, as you all should know by now. I have had a few relationships in the six years since the finality of my marriage. WOW! Six years? Yes. I am often asked (well not as often anymore but still asked) why I am still single. There is a good reason for that and it's not because I want to be. I don't really have any choice right now unless I want to settle for someone I don't feel is good enough for me and my kids.

My oldest son is in a relationship with a girl that I dearly love and care about. They have been dating for a little over a year with a small break up about a month ago. As much as I would love to believe that young love can last forever, I just don't. Michael knows my feelings on this and we talk about it a lot. He is very aware of relationship and love having seen what his father and I went through. He was 12 at the time. He hasn't forgotten anything. My daughter hasn't really had too many boyfriends. She just seems to be friends with a lot of people. We don't really talk about it too much, but I think she is a bit leary of relationships as well. My second son is in and out of "relationships" with varying girls, not seeming to really want to stick with one girl. He finds the whole thing boring at times. I am ok with that. No need to rush into anything.

I hate to think that I have projected my bad feelings about loving, lasting relationships onto my kids. I honestly do believe that love can last forever and that two people can be together and faithful for a lifetime. The issue is that is needs to be the RIGHT person, not just any person. I am looking for the RIGHT person for me and that's what I want for my kids. Granted, they are all still way too young to be looking that far into the future, but things haven't changed much since I was in high school. Kids still get married very young and we all know how girls are...they want the fairytale while the guy is like "what? I want to go do....."

I haven't given up on finding that one person that God has out there for me. As corny as that sounds in my head, that's really what I am waiting for. And if there isn't anyone, as John Mayer says, "I'm perfectly lonely...'cause I don't belong to anyone and nobody belongs to me." and that's not to say, there never comes a day, I'll take my chances and start again, and when I look behind on all my younger times, I'll have to thank the wrongs that led me to a love so strong. That's the way I want it."

NYE 2009 and More Snow Pictures

2009-12-31T07:06:00.000-08:00

It's the last day of 2009. What a year this has been. It has been a good last decade. You take the good with the bad and just know that that's how life goes. There are a lot of things I wish for 2010. Mainly, though, is for peace and happiness in my life - more peace and more happiness.

Alyssa took several pictures on Chrismas Eve while it was snowing. She got home right toward the end of the snow, but it had been snowing all day. I love some of these pictures so I wanted to share them with you.

Christmas Day Events

2009-12-25T10:37:00.000-08:00

Our first Christmas in our new home. This is a picture of the tree with the presents around it. It's not like when they were little and got lots of little inexpensive gifts that made these huge piles of unopened toys. This year was much more simple and more about needs than wants.

If you ask my kids, "What do you want for Christmas?" the typical answer will be, "I don't really know." I would like to think that they have everything they could ever need or that they just aren't really all that concerned about getting anything inparticular. This year, Ben definitely needed a new case for his trombone. We didn't want to get just any case, though. He needed what is called a gig bag. It's more padded than a typical case and it has a shoulder strap so it's easier to carry. I had to sneak it out very early that morning because it's not easy to disguise a case as you can see from the picture. He was the first one ready to open gifts once he woke up and saw it under the tree. Jonathan, of course, "needed" more legos - so he got a good portion of what Toys R Us had on sale. It was the highlight of his day.

Michael and Alyssa never expressed a need for anything specific so I came up with something for each of them on my own. Back around Granduation, Michael and I were at the bookstore. I believe he was looking for a bible. He was this Chronological study bible and seemed very interested in it. I intended to get it for him for graduation but then he wanted other things. Since then, he has decided to go into ministry, so I thought this would be a perfect gift for him. Everyone who studys the bible needs a good study bible. He liked it and I hope one day he will appreciate it. He will also get a trip to the local Sushi bar to have dinner with me next week.

For Alyssa, it was an ever evolving idea as to what I would get her. I was thinking jewelry - a ring maybe. Then, on Christmas Eve I was out getting some last minute things and the idea came to me. She used to have her tragus (the nub that sticks out over the hole of your ear) pierced until an unfortunant event happened and I had her take it out. Since then, she has been wanting to get it repierced. She also has her cartilage on her left ear pierced and really needed a new earring. I found these inexpensive sterling earrings and a really nice sterling ring that says "One Life One Love" which is my hope for her. Then I wrote her a note telling her that I would take her to get her tragus repierced. She was more than thrilled!

The snow had frozen into ice overnight and someone needed to get out and get mom and bring her over to the house for lunch. Michael left early to get Ashleigh so they could exchange gifts, so I sent him to get Nana. Overall, it was a very fun and relaxing Christmas for us. We didn't have the usual turkey. I made a brisket instead. We don't have a dining table, so I pulled out the card table and piano bench. We made due with what we had and it was fun. I got the new John Mayer CD and some nice things from Bath and Body Works, which is my favorite!

I look forward to the future when there are families running around and lots more people flooding my house to celebrate just being together. That is what I want for Christmas.

Christmas Eve Snow

2009-12-24T10:27:00.000-08:00

It was an amazing site! Snow was actually falling for HOURS on Christmas Eve. I was pleasantly surprised when it started about mid-morning and continued into the late afternoon. There was a small concern that this would keep us from going to church for the Christmas Eve service. Later that evening, the news was reporting many churches cancelling their services. Thanksfully, we do not live far from our church, so no matter what, we would be there.

Michael was playing Joseph in the finally part of the Nativity story that has been told to the children each Sunday.

We left early enough to get mom from her house and then get to the church safely. The snow was definitely going to turn into ice at some point during the night, we just didn't know when.

I do remember having snowy Christmases when I was little. I probably remember this more from seeing pictures because I was pretty little, under five years old, I think. It's nice to have this for my kids when they can remember it. The snow fell and blew most of the day as Jonathan was the only brave one to venture out in it. The rest of us just wanted to stay inside where we were warm. The thing about living in Texas is, normally you aren't really prepared for snow when it comes to the proper clothing. In our house, we tend to layer. We don't have those big, heavy coats because, for the cost, we won't use them near enough and then the whole out-growing thing. It just gets to be too expensive.

Alyssa took some amazing pictures at the house. I will blog on that in a little bit. They are beautiful, if I do say so myself!

Live Nativity 2009

2009-12-22T14:24:00.001-08:00

Ben and Taylor

The church we belong to is right on a busy corner of the highway and a popular street that runs through Bedford. It is a large church that is extremely hard to miss if you pass it more than once. For over 20 years (I'm guessing here) they have done a "Live Nativity" on the corner. Last year the church didn't do it because no one would step up and help organize and ask church members to participate. Admittedly, I was disappointed. As long as I had live in that area I saw the activity going on and this year I was a member and no one wanted to participate.

Thankfully, someone from the church stepped up and organized the whole thing and did a great job, I might add. It helps that we have a Youth Pastor who is very adamant that the youth participate in pretty much every event. While my kids get a little miffed sometimes, I think she is right in "asking" them to help out. Alyssa was supposed to help out on Friday night but she got a job and needed to work. Benjamin played a shepard on Friday and Michael played one on Saturday. I didn't get a picture of Michael....sorry Jerry G.

Basically, people dress up like Mary, Joseph, the shepards and magi and then they have a company bring live animals so that people will stop in and come up and see the animals and we can introduce them to our church. I have to say, it was very inticing. the church has an easy access parking lot, which makes it less intimidating to get out and come see what's going on. It made me proud to be standing there watching the kids walk up to "Mary" and "Joseph" like they were Santa Clause. The parents would take pictures with all of the "cast".

I hope that a year never goes by again where they don't do this.

The "Baby Jesus" is facinated with my little shepard boy

What is Christmas Anyway?

2009-12-14T12:16:00.001-08:00

This time of year always gets me to thinking about what I want for my future. Christmas is not about gifts at all to me. I do get the kids something, but my budget is small so it's not ever very much. This year, I haven't really asked what they want, although two of them have told me certain things. I am going more along the lines of being thoughtful and getting what I think they would like. We will see how that works out.

I have a few more vacations days and decided to take two extra days off before Christmas just to be together. Our lives are so rushed all the time. I want to just relax and hang out, play games and eat pizza in front of a movie...ease and peace. That is what I am looking forward to.

I received an email from a guy I go to church with. It contained about 12 different Nativity pictures. The one above is my favorite of the ones I was sent. Christmas should be about family, love, your faith and celebrating the birth of Jesus. It is not about all the commercial crap and buying gifts for people you hardly know.

So, remember this during the holiday season: appreciate what you have, love the ones you are with and be grateful for everything - good and bad.

A Christmas Story

2009-12-14T12:00:00.000-08:00

Christmas is less than two weeks away. Sunday, yesterday, we had a presentation of "The Christmas Story" from the children of the church. Jonathan is not the child of mine who likes to be up in front of a crowd for any reason what so ever. As he gets older, he is slowly coming out of his shell, realizing that he gets more recognition when he does something like perform. The Sunday before, when the Children's Director stopped me and asked if Jonathan was going to come to the practice and get his part, of course I said yes. Jonathan wouldn't speak to me until after the rehearsal.

I had told him that Ms. Jennifer knew he didn't like being up in front of people and wouldn't give him a speaking part. Alyssa took him up to the church, so when he got home, he actually apologized for his attitude. Not only was he going to have lines to say, he was the 3rd narrator with the most lines. Luckily, they were going to have the lines on the podium, so there was no need to memorize, just knowing how to read what their lines were.

He was so excited to get all dressed up for church that morning. I was so proud of him for standing up there and reading his lines. That's him on the left in the picture in case you couldn't tell. Here is the link to the church sermon videos. It's the middle video choice. Michael is the one leading the singing.

Grampa and Grandy were there to see him and after the service, took us all out to lunch. Jonathan stayed for the Birthday Party for Jesus. The rest of us had a great time! I love that the kids are getting older and are more adult-like so we can all have lunch together and talk like adults. It's a good thing

Snow???

2009-12-10T08:49:00.001-08:00

This is Texas and the saying goes, "If you don't like the weather, just wait a few minutes and it will change." That is exactly what happened last Wednesday when I opened the door to the apartment when we were leaving for the day. It was that nice, wet snow that you know isn't going to stick around all day but it's fun to see falling from the sky. You can't tell it from the picture, but that is snow on my car and snow falling from the sky.

We aren't ever prepared for anything like this because it just happens maybe once or twice a year. Buying the gloves and jackets needed for this type of weather just isn't feasible anymore. I have one child who wants to run out and play in it. The other ones like to look at it but they don't like the coldness of it. This just makes me see laundry piling up when Jonathan runs out in his hoodie that gets soaked almost immediately....and I spoil it by demanding he get out of the wet snow!

When the kids were little, I would usually get a hand-me-down jacket or two from friends. This always worked well on snow days, but none of my kids have ever liked big jackets. Maybe it's because I don't like them either. I prefer to layer - always have. I can't imagine living some place like Alaska where you have to dress like this almost all the time. I do love wearing a scarf, which seems to be the new thing now. That's another post for another day.

The Christmas Tree

2009-11-30T12:13:00.000-08:00

Over the Thanksgiving weekend, I needed to pick up a new Christmas tree. We had a nice, big tree but I left it at the house because I knew I didn’t have a place to store it at the apartment and frankly, it was just too big.

Friday morning, Garden Ridge had a 6 ft. pre-lit tree on sale for $20 – or so I thought. As it turns out, they were on sale Saturday. What was on sale Friday was the same tree with no light for $10. I’ll take it! I knew, or hoped, that I had lights at home. As it turned out, I had four good strands out of the box and two in boxes, so I was all set. I got the tree set up and lights on before the kids got home on Sunday evening. I wanted to set aside time for them to decorate so that it would be done and ready for Christmas. Benjamin did protest a tad because it “wasn’t even December yet!!”

So here the kids are, putting decorations on the tree in the cramped little space that is the dining room. I don’t know what I’m going to do when I get a table and chairs. It was actually a lot of fun, more fun that it has been in the past. I didn’t have to wrestle with boxes and lights and getting the tree to stand up straight. I realized that, this hasn’t always been fun for me. It can certainly be a struggle when you are fighting unforeseen forces around you. Those times where it seems like nothing is going right and you just want to give up – it wasn’t like that this year.

Now, you would think that with three teenagers, it wouldn't be so complicated to get them to all just stand together in front of the tree to take a picture.....it is. They are just goofy...can't help it. You just gotta love 'em inspite of themselves.

The Nobles Family 2009

Thanksgiving, Family and Organization

2009-11-27T11:34:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving this year was my year without the kids. Every year that I am alone, I really never have any plans until the last minute. I can't ever decide if I want to do anything and I never seem to have someone significant, so I just accept that it's 4.5 days by myself to do whatever.

This year my friend, Kirsten, invited me to have lunch with her extended family, but then my dad invited me to come to his house with Lene, Uncle Mac and Aunt Ema. I definitely couldn't pass that up. I haven't seen my dad and Lene in a while and Uncle Mac and Aunt Ema are my favorite, so I definitely wanted to spend some time with everyone. I was sad that the kids weren't going to be there, but there is always Christmas time. We will make time then for sure.

I wish I had take a picture. I brought my camera and completely let the whole day go by without one picture being taken. I will not let that happen at Christmas. As you can see, I had to use the Normal Rockwell painting. It will just have to do. It was actually one of the best Thanksgivings that I have had in a very long time. I am realizing how important being with my family really is and how much I want my kids to know the family that I grew up with, minus one. Now that the kids are older, they will actually have memories of Aunts and Uncles and cousins of mine.

In short, it was a wonderful day, long weekend away from work where I was able to get my new house in order and spend time with family and friends. I hope you all had euqally as wonderful a time as I did and that you are very blessed this holiday season.

Laundry and the Gecko

2009-11-22T14:56:00.000-08:00

Pastor Jeff preached on "Living a Thankful Life" this morning at church. I am pretty sure this sermon came from the fact that next week is Thanksgiving but more so the fact that two weeks ago, in the middle of church, he passed out and had to be taken to the hospital. He found out he has coronary heart disease. He is very thankful to be alive. This got me thinking about people I know who don't seem to get the idea of being thankful. Then, after church today, I went to the laundry room at the apartment to do laundry and saw this little gecko struggling to get up the window...which made me think.

We are all given one life to live. This is it. You get one shot. Make it good. Enjoy it in the best way possible. We all have trials, ups and downs, whatever you want to call it. Just like this Gecko, who was just trying to get up the wall, our path may seem impossible at first. When I initially got to the laundry room, I noticed the Gecko was on the window. He would always get to a certain point and then fall. I saw him try over and over, continuing to try to make it up the window. I left and came back to put clothes in the dryer and noticed he was now on the wall. He had changed his position, but his path was the same. He wanted to get the to the top.

In life, I think we would all agree that the path we initially were on, the one we thought was going to get us to the top, was changed - with and/or without our concent. It can hit us blindly or we knowing change it on our own, maybe not really fully knowing what the path will be like or where it leads but we want it to have the same ending as the initial path. How many of us turn around and go back, just like Mr. Gecko here? He actually did a u-turn after I took his picture but it helps in my story.

My point is, be thankful for what you have. You could be a Gecko on the laundry room wall, but if you are reading this, you are not a Gecko, you are a person who was created by God for a purpose. What is your purpose? No matter what has happened to you in the past, it needs to stay in the past. Focus on what your future holds and how many people who can infect with joy and happiness every single day. Now, let's be honest. There are days when there is little joy. Don't linger in those days. No one likes a "pitty pot".

You never know when your last day will be. Make sure you tell those you love just how much you love them. Be thankful for what you have, even if it's not exactly where you would like to be, it's where you are and this is what you have. Remember: you could be a Gecko.

Cedars Open Studios Tour

2009-11-21T14:30:00.000-08:00

A Saturday night for me almost never consists of anything more than hanging out at my house - especially when I have the kids for the weekend. My best friend, Missy, and her boyfriend, Brad, invite me to go to a lot of different art type functions with them. I have a tendancy to have to decline. They went to this last year and being such good friends, they never seem to count me out even though I have turned them down way more times than anyone ever should.

I have parent guilt. I am working through that. I made great progress on the moving pile yesterday so I felt like the kids would be ok with me going out midafternoon and getting home later that evening. Why do I feel the need to justify to my kids? I don't know. Maybe it's because I don't have anyone else to justify to...maybe, because for so many years, I had to justify why I wanted "me" time, maybe it's just a really bad habit I need to get over, or maybe it's respect for my kids. I don't want them to think I ditch them for other people any chance I get like someone else in their life that I know.

Oh, but I digress. The above picture is from the first art studio we visited. There was one artist who likes to put these little tiny people on massive art pieces. I found it extremely facinating. They remind me of things that Michael used to play with many years ago. There was one piece hanging in the middle of the room that was probably 15 mason jars with this wire inside and these little people sitting on the wires. It hung like a mobile. I wanted to take it home with me. I am sure I would always be thinking in the back of my mind - "what if those people were real and we were keeping them in jars. They are just looking out at my world." Yes, I have abstract thoughts.

This is the full piece from the top picture. There were five along this one wall and the one mobile hanging in the middle of the room. There are probably ten different people or couples all over the wires hanging down from the tree.

This piece was very interesting. If you look very close at the picture, it's a huge dollar bill that is covered in various candies. The only one I can tell you I remember for sure are the Milk Duds in the middle. Someone comes up with ideas like this. It's amazing the patience people have to do things like that.

This was definitely my favorite piece from this studio. I love sunflowers and this just really was so much more beautiful in person than this pictures makes it out to be. It was taken with my phone...sorry for the light issues. The flowers are all rolled up corrigated cardboard. There were several other pieces using the rolled up cardboard strips, but this one definitely stood out. Makes me wish I had a place and the money where I could buy these type things and display them. But I don't. I just get to go walk around and look at them and drink free beer and eat their snacks. They are just glad to have people come and "ooooo" and "ahhhh" over the things they have passion about.

A Dancing with the Stars of sorts

2009-11-20T14:09:00.000-08:00

A few posts ago, I wrote about how Jonathan was taking this dance class at school. Friday was the performance to show friends and family what they had been learning. Apparently, this is part of the curriculum for HEBISD and was started after Benjamin left to go to junior high, so Jonathan is the first of my kids to take this class. I truly think he has enjoyed the whole process. It's interaction with girls and he is in the 5th grade. It seems like a good introduction to how to be a gentleman and who can argue with that?

Grampa and Grandy came to watch, too. It was very interesting to hear the dance teacher's explain the teaching process and how each dance had rhymn or reason to how the steps were done. The kids were split into four different groups, each group performing two different dances. All of the kids did so well. I don't think I saw one boy who wasn't at least sort of having a good time. The girls all seemed to enjoy it, but maybe that's because we are all taught this is more of a girl thing, I don't know. What guy wouldn't at least want to learn a few dance steps to get by on the dance floor?

Jonathan had asked Michael if he could come to watch, too. That morning, as I woke Jonathan up for school, he said, "I hope Michael can come watch me today." I assured him that he would be there. Later that day, I was talking to Michael on the phone and told him what Jonathan said. He had heard the whole conversation. He, Logan and Austin were all there to watch Jonathan show us what he had learned. Oh, to be ten again.

This is Jonathan and Michael's stepbrother, Avery. I didn't notice him out there in time to get a picture of him with his dance partner, but I was glad to see him afterwards. What a bunch these boys make.

Trip to Indy 2009

2009-11-16T10:16:00.000-08:00

Wednesday night, November 12, the band left on a bus to Indianapolis for the Grand Nationals Competition. My plane left on Thursday afternoon at 4:00 pm. It was a really good trip on my part and I think Ben's bus ride was a success since he doesn't sleep well on moving vehicles. He managed to get a good amount of sleep. My dad came to pick me up at my apartment at 2:00 and we headed to the airport. My flight had no layovers, so that made me happy. I got to Indianapolis at about 7:15, took the bus into the city and checked in at the hotel. After I got settled, I went to the Embassy Suites where the band was playing and waited for them to get there.

They were scheduled to arrive at 7:30 but were about an hour late. As the kids were coming in the door with their instrument, uniform, shako box, luggage and pillow and blanket, parents were standing at the ready to hand them a bottle of water and a boxed lunch. Then up to their rooms they headed. The elevators became clogged very quickly as we had kids on several floors. Luckily, they were given their room assignments way ahead of time and knew where they were going. They had to eat and get to a meeting on the 2nd floor of the hotel by like 10:00 pm. They performed the next morning at 9:15, but needed to get up, eat breakfast, get dressed and be ready to go warm up by like 6:30. I got talked into getting up at 5:00 am to go help braid hair for the girls who wanted that. It was worth it. My daughter never lets me mess with her hair...

The preliminary performance was almost perfect from everything I saw. I did see one girl drop a sword and heard that another girl dropped a flag, lines weren't good, that sort of thing, but I knew we would make it to semi-finals...and that we did. After the morning performance, the kids pretty much had the rest of the afternoon to do whatever they wanted. I met Ben and his friend at the hotel where we went over to the mall and got Ben some jeans. Then I let them go off on their own and went back to the hotel to take a nap. So - when you put the do not disturb sign on your door, it usually means, do not disturb. At the hotel where I was that shall remain nameless, it means call the room and wake the guest up to make FOR SURE they don't want service. I will be addressing this with the GM after I tell him what a wonderful staff he has. Everyone was very accommodating.

The semi-finals performance was much better, until they had to get off the field. One of the speakers fell over, got the handle lodged in the turf and caused us to be on the field too long. That was definitely going to cost us somep points. I was very nervous going into awards. I wasn't at all sure what was going to happen. As it turned out, we didn't get any outstanding awards, but we did get 2nd in Class AAAA and a place in the finals performance. That is all that mattered - that we got to perform in finals. There was about an hour between when they announce semi results and when the stadium opens back up for finals. I went outside with my friends and said I needed to get a finals ticket and this lady standing next to me handed me a ticket that was just given to her. She just gave it to me so I didn't have to buy a ticket in for that night. What a blessing!

We performed earlier in the finals run of the top 12 bands. At 8:45 the band took the field and had an amazing performance. We were all very excited for the outcome of this competition. It was a long night for me because I had seen some of these shows SO many times, I was just over it. I wanted to get onto the awards and see my son again. My very favorite part of the Grand Nationals is the amazing production of the finals bands taking the field. It's all lights and glamor and I can only imagine how the kids feel down on the field.

LD Bell Band was awarded Outstanding General Effect and 2nd place in the Grand Nationals Championship. I know some kids were disappointed, but Benjamin was so very excited to just have beat a certain other band who shall remain nameless...as was I.

After that, a lot of the parents went to the hotel to wait for the kids to get there. We ended up waiting outside where the busses drop them off because it was one o'clock in the morning and there were guests sleeping. The faces of the kids varied, but I am pretty sure it was mostly from exhaustion and just trying so hard and doing their very best. All in all, it was a great trip and I hope I don't have to go back next year. Four years in a row is getting to be a bit much. Let's go somewhere else!

Sorry for the Delay Folks

2009-11-12T10:12:00.000-08:00

This has been a really crazy last two weeks. We got moved on the 7th. It was a good move, but I left a few things in the garage thinking I would be given an opportunity to come back and get them since I was going out of town four days later. That has turned into more than I thought it would, but it is all getting worked out today.

Getting important things unpacked and put away was the most important thing on the agenda. Saturday night, the night we moved in, I finally decided it would be good to start a load of laundry. As I get the laundry in and turn on the washer, it makes a funny noise. I stop it, make sure the water is turned on, and pull the knob to start it again. We have water and it’s coming out cold – which means that the pipes were hooked up right. Then…I look down at the floor and see water running out from under the washing machine. This sends me into a panic, grabbing towels from the dirty laundry and turning off the washer and water pipes from the wall.

This is the point where I am so thankful to have maintenance again. I call the emergency maintenance line for the apartments and tell them what has happened. They are going to send someone out as soon as possible. It wasn’t 10 minutes later that John, the on property maintenance guy, shows up, wrench in hand and goes right in and checks out the situation. He determines that there is a problem with the pipes in the wall. (This would explain why Alyssa’s carpet was wet in her room the day before. We were thinking it was just because they had probably cleaned the carpets that day and it would be dry on Saturday. No, it wasn’t. It was still just as wet as the day before.)

The rest of my night was spent dealing with carpet people coming in, tearing out padding in the hall and in Alyssa’s room (where she was desperately trying to get her things set up before she went to bed) and trying to figure out what I was going to do about the laundry now. The good thing was that my dryer seemed to be working again. The issue I was having at the house was what I thought it was – lent in the wall where it goes out into the garage.

Two days later, I noticed that the floor in my laundry room was still wet and water was seeping up from between the hardwood floors (thank goodness they aren’t real hardwood). So, again, I have to call afterhours maintenance because I don’t notice this until the office is closed. Meanwhile, Alyssa and I are trying to do laundry at the laundry room across the way. Luckily, it’s not far at all and we get everything done by the end of the night. John comes back over, takes a look and decides he needs to repack the pipes and cut a hole in the wall so that it can completely air out. It’s gonna get better. It has to.

Three Months and We are Finally Moving

2009-11-01T15:13:00.000-08:00

Back in August, it became aparent that I was going to need to find a new place to live. My current living situation - the one I have had since my divorce 6 years ago - worked while it needed to work. I guess you could say it was good while it lasted - not really but you could say that.

So, three months ago, I called the apartment complex across from Jonathan's school. That is where I wanted to move and I was going to be a little picky about what type of apartment I was going to move into. I wasn't necessarily being forced out of where I am now, but I was feeling the need for it to be soon. When I called the apartment, my request was the largest floor plan (for obvious reasons) and on the first floor. The first floor thing was really a must. The last time I lived here for a very brief month in 2003, we were put on the third floor. I was in more of a hurry then. I wasn't this time.

As it turned out, they had just had a couple put in their notice that very day. The problem - they wouldn't be out until the end of October so we couldn't move in until November 7th. I was going to make due and take this time to get rid of those things that I knew I wouldn't want to take with me. I didn't want to move like I had in the past - taking items with me that I really didn't want or need. Just move the necessary stuff. That was my moto for the last three months. I went through cabinets and drawers and tossed junk and gave things away. The church had a garage sale, so instead of me having my own garage sale, I gave my stuff to the church in hopes that they would be able to get money for the youth. It was a selfish act on my part. I hate doing garage sales.

The huge dining table, china cabinet and buffet had to go. As much as I loved it, I wasn't going to have room for it anymore. I managed to sell it to a lady who found my add on craigslist.com. She was so excited because she had the exact china cabinet and never had the table or buffet that went with it. Her husband wasn't thrilled but it was apparent that they had the house for it and he was fighting a loosing battle. She promised me that she would show me the finished product after she redid the chairs and table top. I can't wait to see it! It's nice that it went to someone who was going to love it as much as I did.

The above picture is what my dining room looks like at the moment. I was to be uber organized so that when all my friends show up to help move, I can just say this, this and this and there won't be too many questions. The youth pastor from our church posted an event on facebook and invited everyone that is a member of our youth group site. So far it's about 7 people, including Michael, Ben and me. I am so blessed to be apart of this church. It is very comforting. So, I will let you know how the move goes. Six more days!!

BOA San Antonio

2009-10-26T19:54:00.000-07:00

What a weekend! Michael, Alyssa and I left on Friday afternoon with Ashleigh and her parents and her Uncle Jim. We got to San Antonio REALLY late, slept a little and Danielle, Michael and I headed out to see the Pflugerville Band. My good friend from high school, Tricia, has a daughter who marches in the band and I wanted to be there to support her. It was her first time at BOA San Antonio. The band is mostly sophomores. They could use the extra support. Plus, I wanted to see Tricia. It's been five years. I'm always up for a reunion. I must say, they did amazing! I really would have liked to see them in finals. After all was said and done, they came in 18th out of 50, which is certainly something to be proud of! I hope they come back next year. They definitely have a fight chance!

Bell performed last - 3:30 that afternoon. I had not seen this much of the show AND they chose to wear their new jacket instead of waiting until finals to show it off. Amazing. That's all I can say. I actually shed a tear for the first time in many shows.

While they were performing, I looked over and this is what I saw. Michael was SO intent watching the band. He was counting the beats...you can't tell it from the picture, but it touched my heart. You can see in Ashleigh and Alyssa's face - they were paying close attention too. They made a few obvious mistakes, but came out very well winning the Outstanding Visual Effect and coming in second in the Class AAAA awards. They got a talking to and came out fight in the finals. The entrance to the show brings a hush across the crowd. They certainly have a presence. Everyone wants to see them.

They won Outstanding Visual Effect and Outstanding General Effect...and won first place in the competition. I was so excited for Ben and for the band. They have some tough competition this year. I am always amazed at how great the other bands are and how much work they put into their show. We came back to watch all of the finals bands. This is probably my favorite part of the competition.

This is me and Ben - of course. What a proud moment for all of us. I will post about what else we did while we were in San Antonio. This is Michael and a long time friend, Daniel, showin' his baby brother some love.

Mood Barometer

2009-10-20T18:02:00.000-07:00

Do you ever wish you had a sign around your neck, something somewhere on you that told people what kind of mood you were in at the moment? Well, I do. Actually, only at my office, but it's there and we ALL use it.

One of the Directors, Scott, gave this to me right after he started. He said he found it and it reminded him of me. Now, if you don't know Scottt, that might offend you. Knowing Scott like I do, it was accept and appreciated. Randomly, someone will just change it as they walk past my cube. It might get switched by me if I am having a conversation with someone and I want to act mad. I will just get up, switch it to "bad witch" and sit back down. Or someone may be talking to me and just decide I need the label "BW".

If you know me very well, you know that I am pretty much always happy. I have a hard time waking up some mornings and sometimes I have some big stuff on my mind, but I am not an outwardly mean person and am usually always willing to help out in any way that I can. The sign is just a fun, joking way we play around at the office. It makes me happy to see it. It makes me laugh when I notice that someone has switch it around on me.

We all have the potential to be a "Good Witch" or a "Bad Witch". Every day you wake up you have the choice to be happy or upset or peaceful or frustrated. Your life is what you make it. Other people with try and try to bring you down. They don't like to see you happy. It only hurts you when you let all that get to you. Make your life what you want it to be. What do you want it to be?

I Like To Read

2009-10-19T10:02:00.000-07:00

One thing I try my hardest to find time for is reading. I don't do as well as I used to. It's funny...when the kids were little I read a lot more. I suppose it's because they had nap time and I was a stay-at-home mom then. There is not always enough time in the day to just do things for me, as hard as I try, because my main focus is my kids.

I just finished a really good book that I thought I should share with whoever it is that reads my blog. It's called "The Art of Racing in the Rain" by Garth Stein. I went to a book club a few months ago thinking that I would actually participate and go back to discuss the book we chose. I didn't. The premise of the meeting was to bring a book or two that you thought the group could would like to read. The group was recommended to me by my good friend, Susan. She found this website called Meetup.com. They have all kinds of groups. Anything that you can think of they have it on here. I had agreed to go with her to a few things and continually backed out so I decided to "un-join" the group as I was sure I would get an email telling me they took me out anyway.

The one group I did go to was the book club group. I didn't know anyone but Susan and the other women...well, I just didn't really feel like it was a group of women that I would "hang out" with...maybe I am just not as social as I would like to believe. Anyway, we all went around and shared the books that we brought and then we were all supposed to vote on a book. Keep in mind there are about 20 woman all who just LOVE the book they brought. The leader of the group decided to have us all draw a number and then took a vote or something...we ended up "deciding" on a book called "Shopgirl" by Steve Martin (yes the actor and yes it is a movie). I like to buy books that I can later share with my kids - the ones that like to read. This one I am not sure that I will offer to Alyssa to read just yet.

Wow, I just went WAY off the beaten path of my blog...one of the books that was introduced was "The Art of Racing in the Rain". When Susan and I left the meeting, we went immediately across to Borders to look for the book that we were assigned to read. There was only one copy and she reads very fast, so she took the book home and read it while I read something else. While we were there, we just looked around for a few of the other books at the meeting that looked interesting. As soon as we had walked in, one of the employees asked us if we would like a copy of the before mentioned book. I thought, sure, I love to have a good book on hand. So, I took it along with a couple of other books, one for me and one for Alyssa that she needed for school.

If you have ever wondered what your animal is thinking, this would be a good book for you. The basis of the story is that the main character, Denny, is a race car driver. He gets a puppy one day, Enzo. The story is told by Enzo, the dog. You read about their life together through the eyes of a dog that wants to be a man. There are ups and downs and happy and sad times, but in the end, it is a very sweet book and an easy read. It's one of those books that you could wake up in the morning wondering, "What is Enzo up to today?"

BOA Arlington Champions

2009-10-11T06:52:00.000-07:00

Getting up at 5:30 in the morning is never fun. Getting up to go see the best band ever perform is always worth it. Ben and I were up, reluctantly, getting him ready to go warm up and take the field for Prelims at 9:30 in the morning at UT Arlington. As always, there was a game the night before, so neither of us had gotten much sleep. Watching other bands march is always fun to me. This day, I got there in just enough time to see the band before Bell. They were from New Mexico and I thought they were really good. They didn't make it to the finals. After Bell marched there was a break. I went down with the other parents to wait for the band and just be there so Ben could see me. You can't talk to them but there is just something about standing with all the other parents so that your child feels a twinge of love. It's important to him - it's important to me.

I decided to go home and make something of my day rather than my initial plan of sitting there watching bands all day. There was one band inparticular that I wanted to watch but I knew I would be seeing them at finals so I decided to pass. Ben eventually got home, played a little xbox and then decided to take a nap. His dad was getting remarried that night so we were a little anxious about what time Bell would be performing. The wedding was at 7:00, the first performance slot was 7:45, so we were praying hard for a later slot so Ben wouldn't have to miss anything.

We got word a little after 5:00 that Bell won all awards, Class AAAA 1st place, Outstanding Visual and General Effect and tieing with Marcus for Outstanding Music. That always feels good! They drew a 9:45 slot that night and had to be ready for warm up at 8:30 that night. We had worked it all out to where Ben would be excused from the afternoon practice and riding in with the band. He has done very well with his spot so he was able to just show up at 8:30. Ashleigh was a huge help in getting all the boys from their dad's house and up to UTA in time for Bell to go on the field for finals.

I went up there that night with Danielle, Ashleigh's mom, and we sat through all of the finals bands. This is probably my favorite part of the competition - watching what other bands do. There always seems to be parts of other shows that I really like and the music is always nice. Just before Bell took the field, we could feel water falling from the sky. I have never been to an outside competition when it was raining. I really wasn't sure at all how this was going to play out. For the next two hours, it did what I would call "mist". It wasn't rain. The drops were never larger than a pin head, but we were ever so slowly getting wet. It was cold all day long and now all I could think about was the poor color guard girls whose outfits are sleeveless and they are all barefoot. I am sure they were freezing. I just hope none of them got sick!

The awards portion is so cool - how they get the bands onto the field and the formation they make. We took two of the three top awards - Outstanding Visual Effect and General Effect and we took the 1st place position with a score of 86.4, which is really good! I was so proud! The band played their music one more time but they didn't march. I am not sure why, probably because of the mist in the air, but the parents were able to go onto the track and see it up close. All in all - it was a good day!

Benjamin and his first medal. What a proud moment.

The Things School Offer Now

2009-10-08T13:12:00.000-07:00

Elementary school has changed. That's a good thing. There are stories all over the news that schools around here are cutting out physical education or recess or both. I am happy to report that Bedford Heights hasn't cut out either. I know that they fluctuate music/art and PE every other day, but we still have it. I don't remember if I heard this from Ashleigh, Michael's girlfriend, or from Jonathan himself, but they offer this dance class during PE day and Jonathan has decided to participate. I assume it's an optional thing, but either way, I am so glad he likes it.

Ashleigh helps in the after school program this year, so she sees Jonathan every day before he goes home. I sort of wish he was still in Extended Day now that she is there, but she is with the littlest kids so he wouldn't be with her anyway. She has told me how cute the dance class thing is and how much Jonathan seems to enjoy dancing. They switch partners all the time so he doesn't always have to dance with the same person. Note in the picture that he is dancing with a boy. I like that they aren't seperating them into boys and girls together. They aren't making a big deal about a boy dancing with a boy. Also, note the dance teacher in the back ground. She is the one in the dress and dancing shoes. The teacher dancing with the student there is the PE teacher.

I asked Jonathan how he is liking dance class and he responded, "I hate it"...with a smirk. "Really? Because you just told me you really liked it." "Oh yeah I do." Ha ha ha...he thought he was pulling a fast one. I am very much about my kids not being embarassed about what ever it is they like. If he wants to dance, I am all for him dancing. I can't wait for him to get to junior high and be able to participate in school activities. He is built more like a line backer, but I can't see him playing football - ever. And from the experience I had with Michael and Benjamin, he wouldn't be able to handle the ignorant coaches either. Pretty sure that's out of the question but I am fine with that. Band is much more important than the athletics he could participate in. He's probably more of a basketball guy anyway.

So that's the update on Jonathan. I know he gets left out at this time of year.

March-a-thon and a Drive Down Memory Lane

2009-10-06T08:07:00.000-07:00

Saturday was the annual March-a-thon for the LD Bell Band. Last year I walked with the band and realized I wasn’t as fit as I thought I was. This year I decided to just drive and meet them at each rest stop. They started at my old junior high – Hurst Junior High. I missed that part but I met them at the first water break which was at my old elementary school, Hurst Hills Elementary School. It was so weird walking in the door because it looked absolutely nothing like I remembered 30 something years ago. It is so fun to see Ben interact with his friends. He is really liked among all the kids in band. He’s a pretty likeable kid, though. It’s a little awkward for me to be alone at these things. There are a few parents that I enjoy talking to, but they aren’t always where I am.

After chatting with the kids, I took off and went driving through the old neighborhood. It is so interesting to see “the woods” that we would walk through to get to school. They are still there with a sign that designates them as some type of park now…although there is no playground in there. Driving around trying to remember who lived where and seeing that most houses really haven’t changed that much. The trees have all gotten bigger and I would imagine the inside of a lot of these houses are updated, but the outside is still the same.

If I am ever remotely near this neighborhood I take my kids by the house that I grew up in. We moved there when I was one month old and we moved out during the middle of my 9th grade year. I will never forget it. My dad had just moved his practice to the other side of Hurst. I had the 9th grade Band Sweetheart award. I lost. I wasn’t a happy girl. It was December 15th, 1981. I don’t know why I remember that date specifically and I can’t guarantee it’s exact, but I think it’s pretty close.

The next stop was Chick-Fil-A so there I was waiting for them as they rounded the corner. They were going to perform their show music and then I would be able to visit a little bit more. These kids march a total of six miles (I believe) and it always amazes me how much stamina they have. I hope it’s as fun for them to do as it is fun for us to watch. From there they went to Donna Park Elementary to have a break for lunch. After that was started and the kids were resting, I decided to go home and get a few things done before needing to go pick Ben up for the day.

I love the LD Bell Band and what they represent. It is such a proud moment in time for me to see what great musicians my children are. If you are in the area, you should visit the bands website, www.ldbellband.org and find out what they are doing and where they will be.

6544 Dykes Way, Dallas, Texas

2009-09-25T16:10:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, ventured out of the office to find a place to have the oil changed in my car. Instead, I ended up trying to find the house my grandparents lived in during my childhood. I have worked in this office for almost three years now. It’s just a few miles away from the neighborhood, but I have never seemed to either find the time or remember to go look and see if the house is still there. Today I did and today I found the house.

My grandparents moved to this house in 1952. My mother was in college at Hardin-Simmons University and had not met my dad yet. Going to Maye Maye (Clara Maye was my grandmother’s name) and Grandad’s was a highlight of my childhood and I’m sure my brothers would agree of theirs too. When I was born, my parents live in Dallas. My dad had just started his dental practice in Hurst, Texas, so they found a house and moved to Hurst a month after I was born. Going to our grandparent’s house, the only grandparents my brothers and I knew, was always a day-long trip. In my mind, it seemed like it too forever to get there. It’s odd to me that I drive that same path every single day now.

The house is a peer and beam with hardwood floors that were always covered by carpet throughout the house. When you walk in the front door, “the boys” room was immediately on your left and the formal living room was to the right. Next to “the boy's” room was “my room”, also my mother’s room when she would come home from college, before she and my father married. Up just a little bit, on the right, was the den and behind that was the kitchen, which you could also get to through the formal living room. There was a bathroom that connected my room and the boy's room but you could not get it to from the hallway. At the very end of the hallway, on the left, was the master bathroom and Maye Maye and Grandad’s room at the end. This was the layout and from all I can see it must still be the same. If I had seen someone outside of the house, I would have asked to go in. I don’t know if my explanation would have been sufficient, but I sure would have tried. I believe the last time I was in that house was in 1989, after Maye Maye had passed away and my parents were cleaning out the house to sell it. I have driven by one other time, I believe, but it was many years ago.

This house is just across the street and down a couple of houses. I am not completely sure, but I think it stands now where one of my neighborhood friends lived. Her name was Heather and she would come running over when she saw that we were visiting my grandparents. I wonder what Maye Maye and Grandad would say if they could see their neighborhood now. There are several new houses being built where the old ones used to be. It’s odd to see a mixture of what once was and was is now. It doesn’t fit, in my mind.

This is how I knew I was close to the house. The brick wall at the end of the street happened after my grandfather had passed away (the day before I turned 11, so it was July of 1978) and before my grandmother got to the point where my parents had to move her in with them. I was probably a teenager. I would go over to visit her every now and then on my own once I started driving. On the other side of the wall was just woods. Then the wall went up and these mansions started growing all around this little quiet neighborhood. One time we went on a tour of one of them, just amazed at the size. Now, that size house is very normal for just about any nice neighborhood – even in Bedford.

This is Andy and me sitting on the back step of the house on Dykes Way. This picture make me happy. We are so sweet and innocent. This house holds so many good memories for me. Running through the house, hearing the floors creak and groan. There is a part of me that wishes we still had the house. Just like I wish we still had the house we grew up in.

Nonsense in the Cubicle

2009-09-24T16:08:00.001-07:00

So, I came into work this morning and noticed that a picture had “fallen” off the shelf in my cubicle…or so I thought. It looked like someone had probably hit the wall on the other side of where I sit, which caused a couple of pictures to fall and things to be a little turned over. As I was putting things back together, I started to realize this was just too much of an organized mess. Then I saw that these two post-it notes that I keep on the bottom of my monitor were removed, put together and place on my computer. The final “this was staged” realization was that I couldn’t find the graduation picture of Michael that I keep on the shelf was gone. I looked everywhere. It was gone…not on the floor, on my desk, no where. So, I ask Will, who sits next to me, “what happened to my desk? Things were all messed up”. He and I start discussing it and then the guy on the other side of me is talking to a friend and says, “No. I just noticed my mirror was turned.” Before long, there are several of us discussing what was messed up in our cubicle when we got in. It becomes apparent that someone was playing a practical joke on the whole floor last night.

My only issue was I still couldn’t find the picture of Michael and it was starting to bother me. I decided to move everything around on my desk and sure enough, the picture was under my keyboard. Random, but true. So now, I am curious who did this and if there are going to be repercussions from it. Now, I am thinking it was completely innocent, no one had anything stolen, it was just a joke to make everything think. Everyone I talked to said they noticed a little something out of place and just though “Hmmm. That’s weird.” But that’s it, nothing missing, no damage. But around here, you just never know who is going to be the one to make a big deal about the fact that someone was in their space, messing with their stuff, and get someone in trouble.

It amazes me how those things happen around here. What do they say? The louder you bark the more attention you will get? Something like that. We are a very close-knit group down here. We are all in the same main department with four smaller departments inside the main department. I would say most of us get along. It seems that the work environment is a mature and professional one. I just really hope no one makes a big deal about it. We shall see!

Three Down and I've Only Been to One

2009-09-19T08:03:00.003-07:00

So far, Bell has had three football games and I've only managed to make it to the first one. The second one was rained out, rescheduled and still rained out. Then there was one last night. Apparently, we finally managed to win a game. I hate that I missed the band march. I was home recovering from a procedure that I had done at my doctor's office that morning. I promise not to go into great detail, but I had a procedure called cryoblation. I am tryng to avoid a hysterectomy and this is the best thing I've found to be able to do that. I do not like hospitals (hence the reason I was up for having three of my kids at home) and I don't like being put under anesthesia. I do have a high pain tolerance, which helped yesterday. It wasn't so much painful as just really uncomfortable. They give you an antianxiety drug and a shot for pain and local anesthesia. I got home and slept, went through a little nausea last night and thought I had a little fever, but woke up this morning feeling much better.

The kids were great, just leaving me along, letting me rest but being there if I needed something. Then there's this guy...he talked to me on the phone when I just wished I had someone next to me rubbing my back where it hurt or whatever. I am so not used to being "sick" and I don't handle it well. I do know now, after what I was feeling last night, that when I just think I don't feel good - I feel fine. I have a lot to do around here, but am trying to take it easy. The kids are still asleep, well Ben and Jonathan anyway. Alyssa went to babysit this morning until mid-afternoon and Michael is at a Men's Retreat. My son is old enough to go to a Men's Retreat?? How does that happen?

It's now less than two months until we move into our apartment. The band has something almost every weekend from September 26th until November 15th, pretty much. I need to pack, have a garage sale, been trying to sell stuff on Craigs List....I am sure it will all wait until the last minute. This has been a good week. The rain has let up for now and the temperature has cooled down a lot! I am going to lay down again. Thanks for reading my blog. I know there are a lot of you out there. I really hope it makes you laugh. It's not supposed to be a downer!

I. Love. Rain.

2009-09-13T18:45:00.000-07:00

This is the best picture I could get. It's out the front window of my car. It has officially rained here for over 48 hours straight. Now, please do not think I am complaining - I love rain. I just don't like getting out in it. This was what my weekend consisted of...Friday evening I wasn't feeling so great and had a football game on the agenda. I didn't necessarily want to go but more importantly didn't want to disappoint Ben. He loves to know that a parent (usually me) is there to watch him perform. The rain came just in time to send the band home, so that put me on the couch watching movies for the night.

I had rented four movies and needed to get them back by Saturday night. I had all kinds of things recorded on the DVR and I had no kids for the weekend. It is best to be as lazy as possible when it's raining, because really, what can you do outside when it's all wet. I woke up Saturday at 9:15 and went to the couch to watch another movie. Everytime I listened I heard rain coming down outside. It is such a calming feeling. Michael and Ashleigh came home and wanted to play xBox, so I got up and went and got a pedicure, took the movies back and picked up the dry cleaning. I wanted to get my toes fixed because I am going on Friday to have a female procedure done and we all know you must shave your legs and have pretty toes. It's just a must.

I went to church this morning. It's the only reason I can see that it's worth it to get out in the rain. Michael has been leading worship for a month now. He is doing so good and I am so proud to see him up there every Sunday. During the service this morning, I was thinking, I hope he doesn't start not liking what he's doing now because he is being paid for it. I hope it becomes more exciting and more of what he wants. He is so good at it. I am amazed at his ability to sing and play guitar and just let what is in his heart come out. I wish he would do a solo one Sunday. He isn't the only singer on Sundays. I would love to hear him sing a song, just him, like he and Ben did on Christmas Eve last year. I need to talk to him about that.

I think it's finally quit raining for now. It is such a peaceful sound, hearing the rain fall down with no thunder or lightning. It's just like a washing of the earth.

Labor Day

2009-09-07T07:05:00.000-07:00

Today is Labor Day. It's Monday, which means we got a long, three day weekend. There are all these holidays we observe and I don't really know anything about most of them. I mean, I know why we do them, but all it means to me is a day off work and school. A friend of mine works for the government and get a LOT of days off, like LBJ's Birthday. It's in the middle of the week so I am not as envious. What today is for us is just hanging out and being lazy. Social people take this opportunity to have barbecues and parties. I would love to do that, but that's not me. We have a grill, but I don't cook much, so....maybe this will change when I move. I don't know.

Labor Day marks a lot of different things. It's used to mark when you can't wear white anymore - or is it when you CAN wear white? The city pools shut down after Labor Day. School used to start after Labor Day. Now it's just a day the kids have off. For me, today, it marks two months until we move. It's surreal because I really don't have that much to do (save this for later when I realize I probably didn't do enough in the next two months). It also makes for a short work week, which we all enjoy.

This is a short blog, just some thoughts I wanted to get down and pass along. My brother, Andy, started teaching school today. They don't have Labor Day in Amsterdam. They have other holidays that we don't have, like Queen's Day. If you get a chance to skip on over and read his blog, it's always fun and interesting. It's www.andyinamsterdam.com (or click on his name up there). Have a great Labor Day everyone!

The Price of Moving On

2009-09-06T06:35:00.000-07:00

Today is the day we are taking the dogs back to where they came from. Moving means no more animals because I don't want to pay a pet deposit and more importantly, they are messy and I just don't want to deal with that anymore. I am ready to have a good smelling house without pee and poop on the floor no matter how consistantly we take the dogs outside. I am ready to not have dog hair all over the house and no more gates up at the carpeted areas. We had a cat, Lucy, but after the new carpet got put in and she promptly went upstair and pooped in Alyssa's room, she was gone to my mom's house next door. Mom had just lost a cat and loved Lucy although Lucy wasn't so friendly to her when she was with us. The report three months later is that Lucy has finally come out of the closet hiding space and snuggles up to mom - even sleeping with her on the bed.

We are going to take them as soon as church is over. I cleaned out the kennel really well yesterday, washed their beds and are just about all set to go. The drive is about 2 hours to Emory where Angie and CJ live on an acre of land in the middle of no where. They already have five dogs - Baby's sister Eva, Tiny's Grampa Bruser, mama Baby Girl, sister Heidi and brother Harley. So, once they get settled in I feel sure they will be fine. I know for sure they will be loved. The rest of this blog will be about the deposit...

It has been a week since we dropped the puppies off. I am a little behind in my blogging. Taking the dogs was not as hard as I thought it might be. I did my share of crying at the church alter that morning. The drive was pleasant with the kids except that the dogs, who aren't used to being in the car, couldn't get comfortable the entire 1 hour 45 minute drive. As Jonathan put it on the way home, "All the whining in the car kinda hardened me to the whole thing".

Ok, so when we got there it was dogs everywhere! I knew Tiny was small but I didn't realize just how small they both are until I saw them with the other dogs. Tiny is now with his mom, sister, brother and grampa. He is about the size of Bruser, the grampa. Baby is with her sister, Eva, who looks so much like her it's incredible. Eva has more gray on her mussle though.

We stayed about 45 minutes, talked and watched them adjust to the new house and all the land. They both enjoy being outside, Tiny more than Baby, and now they have lots of land and friends to run around with.

It has been a quiet week around here. I had a crying breakdown on Tuesday night and finally just let it all out. It was like giving away my children, but I know they are happier and get more attention now than they did with us. I will call today to find out how things are going. I have only gotten one small update and haven't called because I just need to let go.

I know they are love.

LD Bell Marching Starts - NOW

2009-09-05T08:01:00.001-07:00

Last night was the first game for LD Bell. Ben was so excited and ready to perform. I love his enthusiasm for the band. He is so proud of what he has accomplished up to this point. The first picture here is him in the stands at the beginning of the game. I am only going to say this once, but I will never again sit in the high school section. The kids are so incredibly irritating. I will have to start sitting in the more expensive section at home games. I got a little too irritated last night at the kids who were messing with the band seat pads. I know my limits.

The band did amazing. I love the light blue shrouds with the white and dark blue. I wish everyone could see this in person. The energy and excitement in the air when the band takes the field is absolutely invigerating. There is such a charge of excitement to see for the first time what they have to offer this year. As a parent, to know what your child has put into getting himself to where he is at this very moment, makes the difficult points of being a parent worth it all. Just knowing how excited he was, along with all of the other great kids in the band - it's just such a great feeling.

October 10th will start the competition season with BOA Arlington. Then we have UIL, HEB Marching Contest, BOA San Antonio and the finale with Grand Nationals in Indianapolis. I have already booked my flight and reserved my hotel room. I would love to find someone to travel with. If nothing else, there are lots of parents that I know going so I will be fine. I am excited to see how the show will grow and change and progress throughout the next three months. They always have so much in store and even with the new band director this year, I am certain that part of it will not change.

Me, Alyssa, Michael, Ashleigh and her parents are going to San Antonio together to stay overnight and go shopping the next day. This is something I am really looking forward to, just because it's more than a quick trip turn-around. I love going to San Antonio. The hotel we have is on the Riverwalk, which is sort of within walking distance when you are up to it. Saturdays are always a long day, but watching all the bands compete is so much fun to me. I just love this time of year!

How does one go about getting Impetigo?

2009-09-01T07:47:00.000-07:00

I don't really want you to answer that. I know how you get it. I just never thought I would have to deal with somethng with such an odd name...then again, with my life as of late, it totally fits.

Monday morning, Alyssa comes down, ready to go to school, and says "I think I got bit by something in my sleep. Look at my face." I could tell it wasn't a bite, but I wasn't sure what it was. Being the kind of mom I am...I handed her a tube of Neosporin and said, "Keep putting this on there. Ket me know if it gets worse. We have to get going." And off we went. It wasn't any better after school. In fact, it almost looked worse. She spent the night with Melina that night because the next day was Melina's birthday and they are best friends AND they did this for Alyssa's birthday, so....I told her to let me know as early as possible if it was continuing to get worse so that I could take her to the doctor before school. When I picked them up the next morning, it wasn't worse, just not getting any better and it seemed like it was spreading. Melina's mom pegged it as what it was, but since we live by exemptions, I told her I would get her a doctor's appointment that afternoon, after school and sent her on her way.

She text me a little later and said it was itching. I told her to go to the school nurse, not thinking they would send her home, just wanting to get confirmation about what it was. I had made her an appointment at 4:30 so we were going to get it taken care of. Well, the nurse said it was Impetigo and said she had to go home because it was very contagious. She was so SO mad. She needs those exemptions and missing this one day meant she would only have one more exemption for the Tri. I got her into the doctor and they weren't exactly sure if it was Shingles or Impetigo at first. We left with a diagnosis, prescriptions for ointment and pills AND a doctor's note that said she could go back to school the next day.

We still aren't sure where it came from, but it healed really fast. Now we are just dealing with the spots left from the scabs. Mederma here we come!

What A Better Day!

2009-08-29T14:45:00.000-07:00

My Saturday without the kids usually consists of sleeping in and mulling around the house, catching up on my DVR recordings. The new team I am on at work is a very social group, and I love it. This morning they had a breakfast planned. All of them live in Dallas, but I was happy to drive 30 minutes to spend time with them. The drive isn't bad when you know there isn't going to be traffic. There are ten of us on the team, but only five at breakfast. I picked up Jordan first. He needed to drop his car off for a tune up. While I was waiting for him to come back to the car, Andrea called to say she had just picked Vicky up and thought maybe we could just all go together. The place we were going did not have a large parking lot and was certain to be packed on a Saturday morning. Now, I'm really glad she did. It was a really good bonding experience for all of us.

We had breakfast at Lucky's Cafe on Oak Lawn. If you know anything about Dallas, Oak Lawn is in what we call the "gayborhood". To me, this just means it's definitely going to be much more lively than any place I could go in Bedford - that's for sure. As soon as we walked in the door, I saw a Director (and is partner) that was let go from Hilton at the same time I was. He has taken this opportunity to just travel and enjoy not having to work. Maybe it's just me, but it's so nice to just feel apart and important. On top of that, it was a really beautiful day in Texas, which is not normal for August.

After breakfast, Scott took us on a tour of that part of Dallas. He grew up around there and the people I was riding with were either from Memphis or Beverly Hills and didn't know where much, if anything, was just yet. Even though I grew up in Texas, I am not familiar with Dallas, so it was just as exciting for me. We took a drive through the SMU campus and down by Turtle Creek. I am definitely going to get the kids and go down there to take some family pictures soon. It is absolutely gorgeous!

When I got home, I finished up the laundry that I had started - getting ready to go dry everything at the laundry, which I hadn't been to in months. Michael was here so I had him go with me. It always goes faster when you have someone to help you fold. I was also cleaning out my closet, which has become the catch-all for things I think I need. Why do I have a 25 year old typewriter and a 19 year old camcorder that is as larger as a VCR player? The typewriter is out of ribbon, which I'm not sure you can even get anymore and the camcorder doesn't work unless you have it plugged in. Ridiculous.

When all of that was done, I got ready to go to Missy and Brad to just spend a night with them and a couple of their friends. It's always fun to go over there. I should do that more often. All in all, it was a really good day.