Tuesday, March 5, 2013

I Never Thought I Would Ever Have This Experience


Update to this post: I started this about a year ago and never finished it. I've decided to finish it because there is MUCH more to the story.

Tat match 1.9.12
At 11:26 am on January 8, 2011, I received a text message from a "friend" of my daughter telling me that my daughter was in jail. If that doesn't set you back a few breaths, nothing will. I was sitting at California Nails finishing up my nail appointment. It's the one thing I do to pamper myself and that day - it was ruined. As I'm sitting there talking to Tiffany, I gasp when I read the text message. When she asked what it was, I whispered, "My daughter's in jail." Those four words are something no mother ever wants to say. Those four words are something no parent ever thinks they will say about their child.

As I'm leaving the salon, Tiffany gives me a hug. I've never hugged her before. She said, "Good luck with your daughter" and I walked out the door just about to cry. I didn't know what to say or what to do, but I knew who to call. I called my best friend, Kirsten. Two and a half years ago, she was going through the same thing. She didn't answer her phone so I text Steve. I just drove over there because I knew I had to tell him and I had to do it now. The information I had was very little. We stood outside his house calling Dallas county to see if we could find her in the system. According to Cory, the friend, it had been about three hours since she was arrested. The fact that I hadn't heard from anyone was very concerning to me.

After maybe 30 minutes, I decided to leave and go home and see what I could do from there. After trying to call Kirsten again, I decided to go to her house instead. All of the cars were in the driveway so I went to the door. Kaleb answered the door and I asked if his mom was home. He said no, that when he'd woken up she and Ken were gone. As I held back tears, I told him, "Alyssa's in jail. I need to talk to your mom. Would you please try to call her?" After calling her phone and Ken's phone, he called Ken's work phone and told her to call me. They were at lunch with her parents and sister's to celebrate her dad's birthday. I told her what had happened and that I didn't know where Alyssa was. She told me to come get them from the Hilton Southlake and she would call her nephew, Tim, a police officer with Southlake, to see if he could find anything out.

I went by my house to check on Jonathan. He had been home all day and I didn't want him knowing anything, if I could help it. I told him that Kirsten and I had a friend that was in some trouble and that she and I needed to go see what we could do for them. I left him home while I went to go find his sister. The feeling of helplessness was almost unbearable.  When I got to the hotel, Ken and Kirsten walked out, got in the car and said they were sorry. That's all you can say. But these two people with me where two people who knew exactly what I was going through. If anyone could say to me, I know exactly how you feel, these two people could - and to know they were my friends, my true friends, it was exactly what I needed at that moment.

For the 30 minutes or so we spent our time on the phone with Tim, who didn't find her in Dallas County, thank GOD, calling various police stations around Dallas until I got the call from the University Park police. It was about Alyssa. Officer Tran Sou had her in custody. She was fine but she didn't want to call me. The officer finally convinced her to call and let me know where she was. She just didn't want to be the one to tell me what happened. What I was told was that she, Monica and Cory were in the parking lot of the Chevron station at the corner of Preston and Northwest Highway getting high at 9:00 am that morning. Alyssa had the pipe in her hand and coped to everything. She was charged with a Class B Possession of a controled substance, which is a County charge, and a Class C Possession of drug paraphanailia, which is a City charge. She wouldn't be arrained by the judge until that evening and bond would be set, probably at $500. That was just for the Class B. The Class C was $264 to the city or there was a possibility that she could sit it out on time served since she was there since 10:00 am. I would just have to wait until after she saw the judge to find out any more details. The officer and I spoke for a while, getting more of the story and how she felt about the other two kids that were with her.

(3.5.13) Obviously, at this point in the story, I was having a hard time repeating the story, which is probably a good thing. I'm an over sharer. I'll shorten the story by saying, she got out, she worked two jobs, one of them under her father's company, had the charges dismissed, debt to her father and me paid off and graduated National Honor Society and International Baccalaureatte on May 26, 2011. She was accepted to college and in December of 2012 was accepted to the Interior Design Program. If you know anything about the process to get accepted, you would appreciate how much she had to go through and how strong she had to be to get through this first part of the process. Basically, she is an incredibly strong woman and will tell you that the one night she spent in jail made a major impact on her and her focus on her future. That doesn't mean she is perfect and innocent, but she has a major focus, has lost some really good friends because she doesn't "party" like she used to, and is more than ever determined to see her desire to be an interior designer since 7th grade come to fruition.

I get asked advise by mother's with younger teenage girls and I just really cringe because I think I did as good a job as I could with my kids, trying hard not to be a "friend" but also not being a total hardass. I don't have the answers, obviously. What I do know is that your kids will do what they want when they get past the age of about 10. I also know that this girl (in one of my most favorite pictures of the two of us) is lucky, blessed (and she REALLY knows that) and so self-sufficient and supportive and just absolutely rocks my world and makes me so proud. I don't recommend everyone get arrested just once, but I would say, have faith in your kids. Love them inspite of themselves and know that there is life beyond going through an arrest.
 
This is her studying in my home on my couch and I love it. I love it when she comes to visit. I try hard to never think about what happened two years ago now.  The picture at the top is a constant reminder on my arm of the bond we have together. Something that we went through that I hope never to have to go through again. On a side note, her older brother, my son, was arrested in October for DWI. His dad is dealing with that, but I love him as much, if not more than I did when he was born. He's working through his deal as well and I completely support him in that I am helping him to learn to be finanacially sound while living in my home that he pays rent, car insurance and cell phone. And guess what? I'm still alive and happy and well. And so are they.

The two kids I have that haven't been arrested yet (insert grigarious laugh here) are different in that I don't think they will take the risks that their older siblings took. Who knows though. I will still love them with every fiber of my being because GOD knows I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. So parents, HAVE FAITH, if you are loving your children UNCONDITIONALLY there is hope. That's my opinion but it seems to have worked for me.
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