Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Riddle Me This Batman


If you can seriously argue any one of these ten points, BRING IT! (This much better explains what I was trying to say in my Equality post yesterday.)
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Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Equality. That's the Word of the Day today.


Pretty sure I've talked about this before, if not blogged about it, but I will talk about it again and give it it's own blog. I believe in marriage equality. I actually believe in equality for everyone about anything that is legal. I don't believe we should segregate anyone out because of raise, color, sexual orientation,ability or whatever. Give everyone a chance to prove themselves.

Then I wake up this morning to a Facebook post by a school friend who shall remain nameless. It was a shared link to this story. I will say, I wasn't surprised on his view of marriage but I was very disgusted at the blog about marriage and how it's biblical only between a man and woman because of Adam and Eve and all that BS. Yeah. Gross. (By the way - he got no "attention" from that share. No likes or comments. So there.)

Later on this morning, certain friends were changing their Facebook profile picture to the image above or a big red block. I knew the "why" going on in my head would be answered soon enough. Then I see this article posted by NPR about Justices wary of broad ruling endorsing gay marriage and another one about Outside the Supreme Court, The Arguments Continue and it comes to my attention that today starts a two day discussion in the Supreme Court about two same sex marriage cases. It once again reminds me how messed up our government is and how simple minded much of the world (sadly my home state of Texas more than anyone) is about letting people do one simple thing - get married.

Yes, I believe in marriage and not just between a boy and a girl. I believe in marriage between two people who love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together. To put up the argument that allowing a gay couple to marry would devalue the marriage between and man and a woman is just idiotic to me. Let me explain why.....I was married once. I sucked at it. I got married too young and I didn't have good examples in my life on how to make a marriage work. Yes, it's Work with a capital W. It's about compromise, loving someone unconditionally, putting them before yourself much of the time and yes, expecting the same in return. I see WAY too many young kids getting married and having babies and yet have absolutely NO freakin' idea how to get along and compromise. I was one of those kids. I was a baby of 21 marrying a bigger baby of 23. At least I had lived on my own and knew how to take care of myself. That was about it. Want to read about the mess? Here. Enjoy. It's a mess.

I will get married again one day. I feel more ready to be married now than I ever have. I have and will encourage my own children to live with someone BEFORE they take the vow of marriage because marriage isn't something they should think is disposable. It's not something you can have "undone" even though so many famous people (and not famous people) seem to think you can. It's forever whether you stay together or not. You have made a union, and most of the time a family, with this person. You can't just act like it never happened. It did. There are probably pictures to prove it.

I have my opinions about pretty much everything and I don't like to share them on Facebook because, well, there are people I'm friends with that will judge and criticize and whatever and that's not why I have a Facebook. I'm there to have fun. My blog here is where I go to rant about political and religious stuff. (linking to everything like CRAZY today!) Therefore, I won't be changing my profile picture. But let's be honest, it's really because I think me and my love are just too freakin cute together to put a big read block with an equal sign in it. My friends who really know me know I'm all about equality. Those that don't know me that well can suck it. Or they can read this post.

So, here's what I think, I, along with a gazillion other straight people, have certainly done a grand enough job of screwing up the value of marriage all on our own. It wouldn't make it worse if we allow gay couples to freely marry. In fact, if anything, I think it would make it more valuable because these couples tend to appreciate marriage way more than straight couples. They tend to stay committed to one another way longer without being married than some married people do. They had to fight for their right to love openly - not just to be married but to be accepted as gay. That fight in and of itself is hard. Coming out. It's a shame what a struggle it still is. But thankfully we have sites like the It Gets Better organization to help struggling people of all ages to be open and honest about who they love. Let's stop being so closed minded people. Seriously.
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Stay. Positive. Stay. Positive. Stay. Positive.

 

Maybe if I keep repeating this to myself if will eventually sink in....one can only hope. If you saw me at work or just out in public you more than likely would think I'm a positive person much of the time. I try to be. It's those times when I'm alone in the car, alone at home or talking to my counselor that all the crap just floods to the top and I get super negative about all sorts of weird and crazy stuff. I don't like to be outwardly negative because I do care what people think about me and I never intentionally want to hurt anyone's feelings (unless you are a certain sibling of my brother). I think we all feel this way and screw those people who are all "fake it til you make it" BSers. Seriously, that's not healthy either. Just let me be who I am. I'm working on being better but I have a lot of crap that I haven't dealt with - doing that now thank you very much. Finally found a counselor that I feel like I can relate to. She doesn't cast judgement. She just listens to me ramble and when I have a moment of enlightenment she affirms it.

Counseling was yesterday and you would have never known it (or maybe that was the problem) because at the end of the day, man I was a freakin' mess! Angry about all kinds of I don't even know what and didn't know where this was all coming from! These are the moments I am SOOOO thankful I only have one more child at home and that I'm still living alone - not with my significant other. If there were too many people around, I wouldn't be able to avoid and ignore until the volcano going off inside me simmers back down. Man, I would have completely ruined the good things I have going last night if a certain someone was in my house. I don't even want to think about that but really, truly hope that this whatever it is boiling up will soon simmer to a slow roll and cool off permanently.

Here are the facts: I didn't have great parents. They did what they could to provide, but emotionally they both really sucked at it all and honestly still do. I can't depend on either of them because there is still that little girl inside me that feels judged. I learned at a very early age not to try to open up about what I was really feeling. The results always ended in some sort of judgement. Same in my marriage. I kept a lot of stuff in. Now it just all comes out before I can stop it sometimes. It's dangerous. However, I am WAY beyond thankful that this man I'm head over heels in love with is amazingly patient and kind and loving and nonjudgmental and helping me to be a better person and he doesn't even know it. He's leading by example. I just want to get over all the junk going on inside me before he and I have a life together - like where I can't just not answer his call because I'm scared what might come out of my mouth or where we can just talk in text so I can review what I say before I send it.

Staying positive isn't always a daily struggle. Going to counseling has brought up some things I wasn't expecting but I know it's for the better and I have to work through it to be better. It's the in between time that can suck the life of ya. I have so, so much to be thankful for. There are people all around me going through so much worse, I realize that. But this is me and my life. I'm not saying things are horrible. I'm saying I'm having a hard time. That's it. Nothing more than just that - I'm struggling. Writing this blog (and going to counseling) is helping to get it all out and get on with life.

Stay positive. Stay positive. Stay positive. Stay positive. Stay positive. Stay positive. Done.
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Sunday, March 24, 2013

Things I Struggle With


The emotional struggles I've been facing lately have, at times, debilitated me to the point that I thought I wasn't going to ever feel peace again. The thing is, I honestly can't even say why. I can't put a finger on what exactly is causing me to feel sad. I hesitate to use the word depressed because it just sounds so ominous and this isn't ominous, it's just.....sad. Maybe even lonely. Yeah, lonely makes more sense.

For the majority of my life I've had people around me - family growing up, always a boyfriend, in a relationship at 17 that became a marriage of over 14 years and then raising four kids all with very little alone time. Three of my kids are now adults, working full time, going to college, hardly ever around - all of this I am SO very proud of. That is the result you should want as a parent. You WANT your babies to grow up to be productive adults and have a life outside of you. The thing is, you don't ever really realize that there will come a day when you have more and more quiet nights alone with your dog sitting next to you on the couch than you have with so many activities going on that you crave a day of nothing.

I will admit that, once my first child was born, I was all about them. My entire day was consumed with taking care of them, making sure they had everything they needed, and neglecting my marriage in the process. Truth be told, after a while, they were more fun to be around than he was. After my divorce, I would only go out with friends or on a date when the kids were off on visitation with their dad. Otherwise, I was home with them. They were my number one priority. I don't know if that was a detriment to me not finding someone special because I absolutely now have the man that I feel certain I was meant to be with. I believe the last nine plus years of my life have happened the way they were supposed to. No regrets.

Now I find myself in a long distance relationship that will continue this way for at least another 14 months, two kids off at college, one son who lives in my house but is now a roommate and one son who is 14 and still going to visitation with his dad twice a month. I have a mother that I need to visit at least once a week and a father who is well but not in the best of health. Things are busy in my life but they seem to be things that require more emotional investment than I really have right now. I've been going to counseling to deal with some issues that I can't really talk about on here. I see my future as having to learn a whole new way to live. I don't see me living here in the same town I've always lived in, the same area I grew up in, the place where my kids can come home at any time and know I'll be around. They have separated themselves from me but I'm still working on separating myself from them.

 So I struggle with letting go of my kids, knowing that one day I will probably not be living here and not sure how often they would come see me in my new home and having ailing parents who might need me around just about the time I'm ready to start my new life. To think about doing what is best for me is not easy for me at all. It feels selfish but I know people do it all the time. People retire after their kids are gone, sell the family home - the house the kids grew up in - and move off to the country or another state or whatever. That's what I'm going to do. I'm fortunate to have enough time to process all of this, right? For now, I will wake up and be grateful. And repeat this over and over and over.
 
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Monday, March 18, 2013

Adult Children and Being Responsible

 
 


This morning at 1:45 a.m. I was picking up my oldest son who is 22, his girlfriend and her friend, 21, from a St. Patrick's Day bash just a few miles from my home. Yes, I had to work today and yes, I was more than happy to be awake and driving four hours and 15 minutes before my alarm would be going off to tell me to get my butt out of bed and get to work.Why, you ask? Well, let me tell you.....

My oldest son is more or less my roommate now. He just turned 22, works two jobs and pays a little rent along with a couple of bills and whatever else he wants to do with his money. He's had a few rough patches but I love him, I'm his mom, I will always be his mom, and I will always be here for him - without question. The only thing is we don't really see each other much and there really hasn't been too much conversation with us in a while. When it happens (and it's been this way with him since he was a teenager) I will literally stop everything and listen to what he has to say to me.

That's why, on Saturday as I'm watching something (don't even remember what because it was probably on my DVR to watch and some things I can't just friggin' erase but I will sit there and play it and not really pay attention...) and he walks in the room with a Qtip in each ear because he just showered and needs to get the water out and asks me, "Mom are you doing anything tomorrow night?" to which I have to think, but not for too long, that no, I'm not and I will be home all night. "Do you work Monday?" he asks. "Yes but why? What do you need?" He goes into the explanation that he and his girlfriend and her/their best friend are making plans to go to the big St. Patty's Day celebration going on at a local bar/restaurant near our house. They have it all planned out how NOT to be drinking and driving and he asks if I would be ok with coming to pick them up when it's over at 2:00 a.m.

WITHOUT HESITATION - I pick up my phone right then to set an alarm for Monday morning at 1:45 a.m. I can't tell you how proud and excited I was that he would ask me. One, it shows me he still loves me and needs me and two, I know I won't be getting a "bail me out" phone call. Oh, and three, he's being MAJORLY responsible and I love that! I love to sleep but I know I will sleep MUCH better knowing these three adult kids will make it home safely and in one piece. This is something I never would have asked of my parents - EVER - and something I am more than happy to do for my kids - or anyone else for that matter.

My phone goes off at 1:35  a.m. with a text from him saying they are ready to be picked up. I am out the door in a matter of minutes, get to the pick up spot so I don't have to go through the massive parking lot of people and in they come. Now, I know his girlfriend but we've never actually had a conversation other than "Hi" and "Bye" as they come and go from the house. I meet the other friend who is very nice as I expected. They were a little tipsy, certainly too much to drive and VERY chatty at this weeeee hour of the morning. But I welcome all this because I do enjoy my kids and their friends. His girlfriend, who really has said no more than two words to me (which is fine. She's probably shy.) asks me a very interesting and fun to answer question, "So what is the most crazy night you've ever had?" Hmmmm, good question because there've been quite a few. But I gladly come up with my favorite story about NYE my junior year in high school. It's always good for a few laughs and shows that I'm a cool mom, not perfect and am not a prude. I've had my wild streak and am an over sharer. Transparent is what some over called me and I'm ok with that.

Some people wouldn't have agreed with my decision to get up and pick them up, especially since I had to work today. I don't understand that at all. I would much rather plan ahead to be the PASS (person appointed to stay sober) than to get a phone call about an accident or arrest. My opinion on parenting once your kids are in high school and into college and beyond it this: you can still be their parent and occasionally their friend as long as there is a mutual respect for each other. I want my kids to ALWAYS know that I am here for them. Even when they make stupid mistakes. I won't say "I told you so" or shove it back in their face when they need my help (except for this last week when my middle son groaned when I asked him to take out the trash and I had to remind him that I gave him $100 because his car got towed and it was hurting his bank account to have to get it out of the pound. I was justified!!)

Parents of young children don't ever want to think their child is going to grow up and do the same things we've done i.e. drinking, getting drunk, have sex, smoking - but they do and you should love them in spite of the fact that you don't want them to do these things. They will love you and appreciate you more later if you love and appreciate them now. Believe me, I never, in my wildest dreams, thought about this part of parenting. It's for a lifetime, truly. And for as long as I live and can be here for them, I will be.

These kids had a great time and when the party was over, it was over and they got home safe and in one piece (and possibly with a hang over to remember the night). But the best part - when we got home, he thanked me again and said, "I love you a lot mom." Drunk, maybe, but I WILL TAKE THAT!!!


Looks like they had a great time to me! He's the one being accosted by the green headed guy. And yes, I stole this from his friend's Facebook.
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Friday, March 15, 2013

I Want To Be Her When I Grow Up!

I watched this over and over when I'm feeling a little down or really, really down. This lady is the epitome of happiness. My goal is to be so happy and free from worry that I will just break into dance at any given moment - no matter who is watching! What freedom!!
 
 
 

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Thursday, March 14, 2013

Thoughts on Counseling

 
Shortly after I started dating this wonderful man, I realized that I had some big crap issues to take care of and that I would need to go to counseling. I've been to so much counseling in my life that I usually know what the answer is, I really just need a professional to tell me I am on the right path with my train of thoughts. There are just things that you have to work through alone and then there are things that you really need to be in a relationship with someone who is willing to stand by you as you work through the rest. After my last break up, I went to a man thinking I needed a man's opinion. That guy was old and didn't remember anything we had talked about the week before so I decided to try a woman this time and hoped she wouldn't have memory issues.
 
I've stretched out  my six free sessions for six months. Here is what I've learned....
  • I'm still extremely insecure.
  • I've been through so many bad relationships that I don't truly trust anyone
  • This all (or mostly) stems from my childhood and my father
  • I'm going to need six more sessions (or more) to get a grip on my insecurity
I don't handle change well and I overthink pretty much every little thing. I used to overthink the life of my children and if I was being a good enough parent. Now that three of them are adults, I have stopped because I can truly see that I am a good parent and they are able to confirm that. I'm not the best parent and I'm certainly not perfect, but I did a pretty damn good job thank you very much!
 
I also tend to be an oversharer - which can be good and bad at the same time. My problem at the moment is that I don't really filter what comes out of my mouth much of the time. Lately, I've said things I wish I could take back because they make me look like an insecure bitch (which I won't deny that I am) but that's not who I want to be and certainly not who I want people to think I am. I also don't want to hide who I truly am. I don't like who I truly am some times and that's what I need to change.
 
My heart is hard towards those people who have hurt me deeply. I forgive and forgive and forgive until it hurts and then I will cut you off like you never existed. For some people it's just the way I have to be, i.e. my parents first child. If a toxic person is in your life and they continue to be toxic, it's ok to cut them out of your life. Chances of them changing are very slim so let them go. If they truly change and want back in, then you make the decision to let them in or not. You need to do what's best for YOU. Look out for yourself because no one else will or can do it better. I don't want to have a hard heart anymore and I'm working towards softening it to my own benefit and to the benefit of those around me that I love.
 
This is my self-talk. This is what I tell myself every morning. I'm hoping that eventually it will all sink into my heart. I worry that I will become a toxic person and someone I love will want to cut me out of their life. I do have a tendency to set myself up to be hurt. My counselor says it's because it's what I'm used to and I agree. I'm not used to being loved unconditionally and I don't know how to handle this love. I'm trying. I'm working on it. She said that I need to work through insecure feelings and keep my insecure thoughts to myself. Not every time, but when it's something I'm freaking out about that hasn't even happened yet and honestly probably won't, I need to recognize what is going on - is it justified or just full on freaking out over something that is out of my control? I can't always tell the difference.
 
I like a plan. I like to know what my future holds. I don't really like change. My life has been changing a lot lately and I'm getting overwhelmed. My department at work just underwent a big restructure and now I'm reporting to someone new and I still don't really know what my job is. I need to move at the end of the year and don't know where I'm going. This is a big one because my relationship plan was to incorporate another person in my home during the summer of 2014 and now I'm not sure that will happen or when it will happen and now isn't the time to talk about it. There is a possible job change in the future (not for me) that might throw a kink in "the plan". I'm deciding today that I will continue on with my life as though I am single and only need to think about my future and the future of my son who still lives at home. That's the only thing I have control over and the rest will fall in to place.
 
I've prayed about it on a constant basis every day, all day long. I am just going to trust that God has a great plan and I will be fine. It's been working so far so I need to trust that it will contine to work. Right? And then I read things like this below. I have overcome a lot. I will be fine. WE will be fine. 


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Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Spring Cleaning and Pinterest

 

Hi. My name is Kathy and I have OCD. I have an obsession with keeping things and then throwing massive amounts of things away - really giving them to the Good Will, but getting them out of my house. I believe this is due to the amount of things my parents kept during my childhood. It always bothered me that they had so much stuff that they had to build shelves out in our two car garage and fill said shelves with boxes upon boxes of things. My mother once told me that she knew there were boxes in her garage from 1967 (the year I was born) and that she had no idea what was in them.

During my upbringing, my mom didn't intentionally keep anything of mine, i.e. baby clothes, toys, until I was able to realize that I should do that myself. I do still have a baby doll I got for Christmas one year that has velvet soft skin (a bit worn away now) and my Donna the Bear that I've written about before. I have several other things that I have been able to part with recently and will continue to get past the memory and be able to give away soon. I'm going to move at the end of the year, so this really isn't an option. I don't want to take all this stuff with me. I just don't know what to do with a lot of it. I refuse to have a storage locker or use an attic. If I can't keep it in the house in the closets, I don't need it. I would LOVE to live in an RV or something where you really have to minimize your crap.

When I divorced the ex, my daughter told me in no uncertain terms NOT to throw anything away that had to do with my marriage. I managed to keep all pictures, trinkets, etc. until November of last year. I decided it was time to give her all this stuff or throw it out. It had been nine years and it was just taking up space in my closet. When she came to get it, I told her, "I don't care what you do with any of this, just don't throw pictures away. And, I'd like you to keep my wedding shoes and wear them at your wedding." I bought them in Paris in 1985 with the intention of them being my wedding shoes. I borrowed my dress so that's all I have - that and my veil. (I did ask the boys and they didn't want anything.)

Now I'm looking at moving again and don't want to move things I know I don't need or want. A lot of what I have has been saved for my kids. I'm so glad that they are now at the age where I can say, "Do you want this or that?" and be happy that they have the option I didn't have. I also have things from my Maye Maye that I've slowly been able to part with and there is stuff under my bed that belongs to my brother. He's supposed to be here this Fall and is going to go through, take and trash it all. It's a must because I don't want to move that either. Nine years ago, I went from a 2,600 square foot house to a 1,600 square foot duplex to now a 1,000ish square foot apartment. I don't know if I'm going to move to a bigger or smaller place but I certainly don't want to fill it up wherever I end up.

So now it's Spring (almost) and I'm getting the bug to clean out everything. BUT - I'm obsessed with Pinterest. It is VERY addictive if you have OCD or really any obsession of anything. I don't think there isn't anything you can find on that site. Want to follow me (<
Anyway - here's to hoping the weather is perfect this weekend and I get done what I need to get done!
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Tuesday, March 5, 2013

I Never Thought I Would Ever Have This Experience


Update to this post: I started this about a year ago and never finished it. I've decided to finish it because there is MUCH more to the story.

Tat match 1.9.12
At 11:26 am on January 8, 2011, I received a text message from a "friend" of my daughter telling me that my daughter was in jail. If that doesn't set you back a few breaths, nothing will. I was sitting at California Nails finishing up my nail appointment. It's the one thing I do to pamper myself and that day - it was ruined. As I'm sitting there talking to Tiffany, I gasp when I read the text message. When she asked what it was, I whispered, "My daughter's in jail." Those four words are something no mother ever wants to say. Those four words are something no parent ever thinks they will say about their child.

As I'm leaving the salon, Tiffany gives me a hug. I've never hugged her before. She said, "Good luck with your daughter" and I walked out the door just about to cry. I didn't know what to say or what to do, but I knew who to call. I called my best friend, Kirsten. Two and a half years ago, she was going through the same thing. She didn't answer her phone so I text Steve. I just drove over there because I knew I had to tell him and I had to do it now. The information I had was very little. We stood outside his house calling Dallas county to see if we could find her in the system. According to Cory, the friend, it had been about three hours since she was arrested. The fact that I hadn't heard from anyone was very concerning to me.

After maybe 30 minutes, I decided to leave and go home and see what I could do from there. After trying to call Kirsten again, I decided to go to her house instead. All of the cars were in the driveway so I went to the door. Kaleb answered the door and I asked if his mom was home. He said no, that when he'd woken up she and Ken were gone. As I held back tears, I told him, "Alyssa's in jail. I need to talk to your mom. Would you please try to call her?" After calling her phone and Ken's phone, he called Ken's work phone and told her to call me. They were at lunch with her parents and sister's to celebrate her dad's birthday. I told her what had happened and that I didn't know where Alyssa was. She told me to come get them from the Hilton Southlake and she would call her nephew, Tim, a police officer with Southlake, to see if he could find anything out.

I went by my house to check on Jonathan. He had been home all day and I didn't want him knowing anything, if I could help it. I told him that Kirsten and I had a friend that was in some trouble and that she and I needed to go see what we could do for them. I left him home while I went to go find his sister. The feeling of helplessness was almost unbearable.  When I got to the hotel, Ken and Kirsten walked out, got in the car and said they were sorry. That's all you can say. But these two people with me where two people who knew exactly what I was going through. If anyone could say to me, I know exactly how you feel, these two people could - and to know they were my friends, my true friends, it was exactly what I needed at that moment.

For the 30 minutes or so we spent our time on the phone with Tim, who didn't find her in Dallas County, thank GOD, calling various police stations around Dallas until I got the call from the University Park police. It was about Alyssa. Officer Tran Sou had her in custody. She was fine but she didn't want to call me. The officer finally convinced her to call and let me know where she was. She just didn't want to be the one to tell me what happened. What I was told was that she, Monica and Cory were in the parking lot of the Chevron station at the corner of Preston and Northwest Highway getting high at 9:00 am that morning. Alyssa had the pipe in her hand and coped to everything. She was charged with a Class B Possession of a controled substance, which is a County charge, and a Class C Possession of drug paraphanailia, which is a City charge. She wouldn't be arrained by the judge until that evening and bond would be set, probably at $500. That was just for the Class B. The Class C was $264 to the city or there was a possibility that she could sit it out on time served since she was there since 10:00 am. I would just have to wait until after she saw the judge to find out any more details. The officer and I spoke for a while, getting more of the story and how she felt about the other two kids that were with her.

(3.5.13) Obviously, at this point in the story, I was having a hard time repeating the story, which is probably a good thing. I'm an over sharer. I'll shorten the story by saying, she got out, she worked two jobs, one of them under her father's company, had the charges dismissed, debt to her father and me paid off and graduated National Honor Society and International Baccalaureatte on May 26, 2011. She was accepted to college and in December of 2012 was accepted to the Interior Design Program. If you know anything about the process to get accepted, you would appreciate how much she had to go through and how strong she had to be to get through this first part of the process. Basically, she is an incredibly strong woman and will tell you that the one night she spent in jail made a major impact on her and her focus on her future. That doesn't mean she is perfect and innocent, but she has a major focus, has lost some really good friends because she doesn't "party" like she used to, and is more than ever determined to see her desire to be an interior designer since 7th grade come to fruition.

I get asked advise by mother's with younger teenage girls and I just really cringe because I think I did as good a job as I could with my kids, trying hard not to be a "friend" but also not being a total hardass. I don't have the answers, obviously. What I do know is that your kids will do what they want when they get past the age of about 10. I also know that this girl (in one of my most favorite pictures of the two of us) is lucky, blessed (and she REALLY knows that) and so self-sufficient and supportive and just absolutely rocks my world and makes me so proud. I don't recommend everyone get arrested just once, but I would say, have faith in your kids. Love them inspite of themselves and know that there is life beyond going through an arrest.
 
This is her studying in my home on my couch and I love it. I love it when she comes to visit. I try hard to never think about what happened two years ago now.  The picture at the top is a constant reminder on my arm of the bond we have together. Something that we went through that I hope never to have to go through again. On a side note, her older brother, my son, was arrested in October for DWI. His dad is dealing with that, but I love him as much, if not more than I did when he was born. He's working through his deal as well and I completely support him in that I am helping him to learn to be finanacially sound while living in my home that he pays rent, car insurance and cell phone. And guess what? I'm still alive and happy and well. And so are they.

The two kids I have that haven't been arrested yet (insert grigarious laugh here) are different in that I don't think they will take the risks that their older siblings took. Who knows though. I will still love them with every fiber of my being because GOD knows I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. So parents, HAVE FAITH, if you are loving your children UNCONDITIONALLY there is hope. That's my opinion but it seems to have worked for me.
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