Thursday, September 27, 2012

Can't you find someone closer?

I went to lunch with a coworker yesterday and, of course, the conversation turned to my long distance relationship. I was telling her about my weekend plans. I'll be driving there tomorrow, taking the afternoon off so I can get there when he gets home from work. Then we are going to watch his son march at the high school football game that is an hour and a half, at least, from his house because that's how they do it when you are a rural high school. Saturday he has to work, which means he will be gone all day because he works 45 minutes away. I'll be getting my craft on as well as finish up the book I'm reading. Lucky for us, he's off Sunday.

This is the point where I get the usual, "He needs to find a Monday through Friday, 8-5 job" or  the best, "Can't you find someone closer?" Well, yes, the job hours could be better but it's what he does and he isn't really a behind the desk kind of guy. I'm fortunate to have a very flexible job that makes it possible for me to be there when he can't be here. The distance thing, though? Not an issue with us right now. Can I find someone closer? Um, no and nor do I want to. I've dated PLENTY of men in the DFW area, enough to know that this relationship is totally worth the drive, the distance, the time spent on the phone and texting and getting to know each other. It's not going to be this way forever, trust me.

It's very much in me to want to launch into a conversation about dating. Not just dating, but dating in your mid-30's and beyond, dating after divorce and kids, and well, just dating. It's a phenomenon to me actually. It's hard enough when you're in high school and college and pretty much have a pool of people to chose from. When you are working and raising kids, it's much more difficult, especially if you are against dating a coworker (NO! I will not do that!). Now they have these "great" dating websites that statistically show to be working for a few people. They didn't work for me. I wasn't willing to do the bar scene and I didn't have friends who had decent single friends. My friends were either married or their friends weren't my type....or I wasn't theirs.

If I've learned anything in my late-in-life dating experience....well there are a few things.

1) Don't count anyone out.
2) Have a very short list of deal breakers.
3) Make sure you stay open to any possibile situation.
4) Go out as much as you can or as little as you want, but go out.
5) But, before any of that, make sure you are happy with you. Be able to be alone and see your future with just you and if you end up having someone else along side you, that's just purely a bonus.


No one is going to be happy with you until you are happy with yourself. And that goes both ways. I honestly believe that, until you like you, are ok with spending a weekend alone or being the "third wheel" with your favorite couple-friends, you aren't any good for that person that you want to end up with.

And if you're lucky enough, you will end up with the best friend and partner that you always knew you wanted....just like me.

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