Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Still Single After Eight Years

Me at a cooking class, still the flirt.

I've been doing quite a bit of thinking the last month or so. December of 2011 made 8 years since my divorce was finalized and I was officially a single woman again. Only this time, I had four children that I was responsible for raising into decent adults. That didn't seem like such a huge job to me because I was born to be a mom and I was very confident in that part of the life ahead of me. It was the "am I going to be alone forever" part that I think scared me just a little.

Looking back at that time in my life and where I am now, I am absolutely amazed at how I was able to come through some truly rough patches and be standing up straight and sane. Ok, the sane part some may disagree with, but I do walk with my head held high. Very proud of all of my children, my job and where my life is headed. I've been asked many times how I do it. For me, that's an easy question to answer. I just do. I don't have a choice not to so what's the point in even thinking about failure.

For fear of getting "preachy" I will say that my faith in God has been the rock in getting through being a single mom, making $8.25 an hour for a few years, trying to get a better job and making sure my kids had all the necessities. I have never spoiled my kids and have never felt the need to keep up with the other parent in this situation. I have what I have and I have no more. I have always done the best for them and they have never missed a meal or gone without. Not everyone has something or someone they believe in. This could very likely cause them to have a harder time dealing with the hand they've been dealt in this life. But, it is what it is and if you can control it you should do it as best you can. If you can't control it, you should let it go.

The greatest gift in being a mother is when someone you don't know but who knows your child comes up to you and tells you what a great person they are. I take great pride in this because all of my children have primarily been raised by me. That's not to say their father is a bad person because he is not. He and I just have very different values and ideas about pretty important topics. Hence the reason we aren't married anymore. They have been my focus their whole life and more so since my divorce. They are literally the four most important people in my life. I would die for each one of them.

Which is probably a big reason I am still single after eight years....I have had several relationships, albeit rather short ones, and so many dates I lost count years ago. I will admit that I have had to overcome (and am still overcoming) some pretty big man issues. Being raised by a controlling father and married to a controlling man will do that to you. I always picked the bad guy to date. Good guys had no chance with me, sad to say. And I'm sure there were a few that got away that would have been really good to me. This has carried over to my new singleness, but I'm working on that! The experiences I've had have been priceless and I have absolutely no regrets at all.

2012 is my "New Year New Me" time. No more online dating. No chasing guys. No. If I'm going to meet someone this year it will have to be the "normal" way, which isn't so normal anymore. I have two and almost three adult children and one new teenager. There is more to focus on now than when they were young. Or maybe it's that I have all the dating crap out of my system and can just be happy being me. Either way, I will be much better for whoever, if and when that ever happens.
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