Friday, January 15, 2010

A Baptism and A Brithday

This week started off with the busy weekend turn around trip to Odessa. Sunday morning, we had to get to church a little earlier because Jonathan was getting baptized during the very first part of the service. This was January 10, Baptism Sunday. The other kids were all baptized in a swimming pool because the church we went to when they were this age was a non-denominational, very nontraditional church. They had a baptism on wheels. During the summer though, they would have a church gathering at a local pool center and do baptisms there. Usually, it was also right after church camp, which meant more children had asked to be baptized.

Benjamin was "re-baptized" a few years ago at FUMC. I'm really not sure why he chose to do that, but it was fine with me. It helped introduce me to the church and probably played a big part in why I started going there. It reminds me of the way I was baptized, in the church baptism, standing on the stood and having to put your feet under the bar so that, when you were "dunked" your feet didn't go flying.

The whole family was there to support Jonathan. It was a really nice day for him and a great prelude to his 11th birthday.....which was that Thursday. He had already had a party with friends when he was with his dad the weekend before (while we were in Odessa) so I just decided to get some pizza and a cake and have my parents over. I have to say, it was probably the most relaxed time I have had with family in a very long time. I don't have a kitchen table yet, so we just sat around on the couch, floor, wherever and had a little pizza and some cake and opened gifts.

I can't believe he is already 11 years old. He has grown up so much and I am so proud of him. The way he thinks is so interesting. For example, the church had started this Wednesday night class for kids his age.(If anyone from there reads this, please do not be offended by this next part.) He went a couple of times but really didn't like it. When I asked him why he said, "It needs color." So, of course, I said, "What do you mean?" He said, "you know, like when something is fun there is a lot of color in the room. There is no color in the class. It's all very black and white." I asked him if he told anyone that and he said he did. It just seemed too much like school, so he doesn't go anymore. Hopefully, it will get better and he can go back. Next year he will be in 6th grade and I think that's when he will be allowed to go to the youth classes. Wow, that is incredible that I just wrote that.

I have to say I am not one of those parents who reminisces about the past and how my children were when they were little. I do think about it, but not like I wish they were little again. I like that my kids are growing up and moving on with having their own lives. I believe that is our job as parents - to raise children who are capable and willing to move out and have a life of their own. I want to be included in a small way into the life they create for themselves. I want to be welcomed into it, but I also want there to come a day that I am on my own again and hopefully, I will have someone special to spend that time with.

As you can see by the picture, Jonathan has a fascination with his grampa's hat. He finally got brave enough to ask him if he could put it on.

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Monday, January 11, 2010

The Road to All State

Four years ago, I would have never thought that when I "forced" Ben to play the trombone that he would be as talented as he has turned out to be. That's not to say I don't believe in my children, I just know I NEVER played my trombone as well as he has played his. I guess I never thought I would produce such talented kids!

This past weekend, my Mom, Dad and stepmother all took a trip to Odessa to support Ben on his quest to be in the Texas All State band. He went with the 15 kids from Bell along with the Bell Choir and Trinity Band and Choir kids who were auditioning as well. It was a long trip down and back with not a lot happening in between. Saturday was spent mostly sitting and waiting and listening to a high school cafeteria of incredibly talented kids practicing for their chance to say they are the best in the state.

As we were all standing there, staring at the wall of results, waiting for the result poster to walk through the door, Ben's private lesson teacher walked up to him and his trombone friend, Rebecca, and told them their results. It lessened the blow, which I think was very sweet. Rebecca is a senior and missed the mark by one chair. Ben missed it by eight chairs, but he is a sophomore and has two more years to try again.

The ride home was fun with Ben in the middle of me and my mom in the back of the car. He got some special attention and one on one time with the grandparents. We were the only parents from HEB there, which did surprise me, but I would do it again next year. Anything to support my kids.
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Wednesday, January 6, 2010

What do I say now?

For some reason, it's always in the back of my mind that I need to blog. Just in case someone, other than my wonderful brother, reads this, I should put something endearing and thought-provoking here on a daily or every other daily basis. Today I have nothing but I have a need to write. I decided to go searching through and look at other blogs to see what other people right about. They have this section called "Blogs of Note". Whenever I go through there and click on a blog that has an interesting title, the subject at hand doesn't interest me. Maybe it's just me.

There seems to be so much going on in my world and yet, nothing I can really talk about. Except that I will be going to Odessa, along with my dad, his wife and my mother, to go support Ben as he trys out for a spot in the All-State Band - but that's for another post. The other stuff is personal stuff that one really shouldn't air in public but that, if I am to stay sane, really want to talk about. It's that kinda stuff that you think, "Why? Why are some people so dang hard to get along with? Why can't we just all think about who we are doing this for and quit putting our own personal screw ups and worries into and just be a friggin' adult? WHY?"

Then there is the topic of relationships. I am divorced, as you all should know by now. I have had a few relationships in the six years since the finality of my marriage. WOW! Six years? Yes. I am often asked (well not as often anymore but still asked) why I am still single. There is a good reason for that and it's not because I want to be. I don't really have any choice right now unless I want to settle for someone I don't feel is good enough for me and my kids.

My oldest son is in a relationship with a girl that I dearly love and care about. They have been dating for a little over a year with a small break up about a month ago. As much as I would love to believe that young love can last forever, I just don't. Michael knows my feelings on this and we talk about it a lot. He is very aware of relationship and love having seen what his father and I went through. He was 12 at the time. He hasn't forgotten anything. My daughter hasn't really had too many boyfriends. She just seems to be friends with a lot of people. We don't really talk about it too much, but I think she is a bit leary of relationships as well. My second son is in and out of "relationships" with varying girls, not seeming to really want to stick with one girl. He finds the whole thing boring at times. I am ok with that. No need to rush into anything.

I hate to think that I have projected my bad feelings about loving, lasting relationships onto my kids. I honestly do believe that love can last forever and that two people can be together and faithful for a lifetime. The issue is that is needs to be the RIGHT person, not just any person. I am looking for the RIGHT person for me and that's what I want for my kids. Granted, they are all still way too young to be looking that far into the future, but things haven't changed much since I was in high school. Kids still get married very young and we all know how girls are...they want the fairytale while the guy is like "what? I want to go do....."

I haven't given up on finding that one person that God has out there for me. As corny as that sounds in my head, that's really what I am waiting for. And if there isn't anyone, as John Mayer says, "I'm perfectly lonely...'cause I don't belong to anyone and nobody belongs to me." and that's not to say, there never comes a day, I'll take my chances and start again, and when I look behind on all my younger times, I'll have to thank the wrongs that led me to a love so strong. That's the way I want it."
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