Sunday, May 17, 2009


I am not a crier - per say. I don't blubber over every little thing my kids do. I don't even think I cried at any of their kindergarten graduations, performances, anything. Ok well, I do tend to cry at every marching competition just a little. But that's it! I cry when I'm mad or super angry. I cry when my feelings are hurt. But as a rule, I don't get emotional about my kids accomplishments. I think I just know they are great kids and I expect them to succeed. Is that bad?

Anyway, today was Michael's Baccalaureate. It has been a bit of a stressful morning because I am leaving for Memphis this afternoon. "So much to do, so little time" While I was driving Michael up to the school, he put on his gown. I couldn't look. I started to get a lump in my throat. "What is this?" I thought to myself. Nerves. I was sure of it. When I finally got the other kids to their dad's, got Mom and Eddie and we got to the school, I was so much more at ease.

As soon as "Pomp and Circumstance" started playing and I turned to see all of the Seniors walking down the isle, I got the lump in my throat again. I was straining to see Michael, looking over all the people around me who were taller than me or closer to the isle. Then I saw him. I whispered to mom "there's Michael. There he is!" and then I started to loose it. Those tears that you try so hard to hold in and they just keep coming. If I could, I would have just bald out loud.

I am so proud of all of my kids. Michael is the first of four that I will go through this with. I always see him as the baby I dreamed about. I certainly do not mean that in a bad way against my other children. It's the whole "first" thing. I love all of my children equally, but in different ways because they are different people. I think that Michael and I have a kindred spirit kind of thing. His personality is so very much like me. Alyssa looks like me and some things about her personality are like me, but with Michael, I feel his heart. The divorce was really so much harder on him than the other kids. He understood more what was going on. He was older. He chose to live with his dad and had to live with all that that brought into his life. He had to grow up faster than the other kids. He struggled through junior high and when I finally got him back, we worked together and talked a LOT to get him back on track with school. He has come so far in the last five years. I couldn't be more proud of him.

I am going to be a mess at graduation. (NOTE: bring make up bag to graduation.)
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